Podcast Episode 314: 3 Tips to Become a No-Panic Parent and Ditch the Overwhelm Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast I’m your host JoAnn Crohn here with the lovely Brie Tucker 

Brie Tucker: why hello hello how are you? 

JoAnn:I was actually at a thrift store in Tucson this weekend and I saw a Kansas City Chiefs jersey. I was about to take a picture for you, but I’m like we have so many was in Jersey. It was like a jacket like an athletic jacket that just said cheese right there 

Brie Tucker Yeah, I don’t know if I’d wear an athletic jacket. I kind of live  in my black Flogging Molly sweatshirt. Lay in the household and try to steal it. 

JoAnn:She can’t steal that yeah we are interviewing a great guest who is so fun and so lovely. Her name is Dr. Daria. She is an Emergency Physician, national bestselling author of Mom Hacks, regular health expert on CNN, ABC, and other networks, and the founder of No Panic Parenting. She helps moms keep their children safe and prevent injuries and illnesses, help them know what to do if/when those DO happen, and give them peace of mind. Plus on top of all that she’s a mom to a 10 year old, 7 year old and a 15 month old!

And we talk about how to navigate the overwhelmed as a mom and how you could take Dr. Darius strategies from being an ER doc and put them to work in your home so we hope you enjoy this episode and let’s get on with the show.

JoAnn 

Yeah, do you drink coffee, Dr. Daria?

Dr. Darria 

Like, do I drink coffee? Yes, honey. Yes. That’s why when you said you hadn’t had coffee, I was like, do I need to come check your pulse? did you, my face probably switched into doctor mode. was like.

JoAnn 

Ha ha ha ha!

JoAnn 

That’s why I needed it because I was seriously thinking because I had to get off alive in our balance community and then come here and I’m like, I have five minutes. Can I run to Starbucks and back in five minutes? I’m like, no, no, I cannot.

Brie Tucker 

Blink once if you’re in danger.

Dr. Darria 

Yeah.

Dr. Darria 

girl, we wouldn’t have minded if you had, you could have. Go right now, it’s okay, Bri and I got you.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah.

JoAnn 

It is all okay. We I got it. I got it. It’s more of like a craving than like a need. I just like have the craving for like the bitter because I do black cold brew. That’s what I do. Yeah.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Darria 

There is… Whoa! Yes! Well, there’s no judgment, so you know, go.

Brie Tucker

It’s crazy, I never drink coffee until I had kids. And then like, I gotta tell you, that first one not sleeping for three years definitely makes you realize that coffee is a good thing. Coffee is a good thing.

Dr. Darria

It’s a good thing. My husband doesn’t drink it. And I, you know what? would like say that inherently there’s something about me that doesn’t trust people who don’t drink coffee, but you know, he’s a good guy. So maybe I have to, but before that I was like, when people would say, I was like, who are you people? Like, what do do?

Brie Tucker We did it, it’s

JoAnn 

My husband’s, my husband’s the one who got me drinking straight black coffee, straight black. Like I started out as a caramel macchiato Frappuccino girl. And then he like slightly moved. mean, he’s the one who goes and like gets his like pour over coffee at our like neighborhood coffee shop and drinks it. Like, I mean, he’s totally a coffee connoisseur and he usually makes the cold brew, but like there’s always a day during the week where we run out.

Brie Tucker 

He naps.

Dr. Darria 

Mm-hmm.

JoAnn

And we don’t have one and I need to go get my own. And this is the day that I’m like, anyways, where? Yeah, it’s not acceptable. Where are you located, Dr. Daria? Italy. how are you doing in Atlanta?

Dr. Darria

That is just not acceptable.

Brie Tucker

Yes, exactly.

Dr. Darria

I’m in Atlanta.

Brie Tucker

How are you doing?

Dr. Darria

Y’all, it was crazy. it was like literally tale of two cities. We were fine where we live. We lost internet. Like, you know, like of all the things, it was very like a bougie problem just to lose internet. My children’s school, number of schools, like number of schools, their football fields were flooded to the goal posts. I had friends who have videos of like their garage flooded. Literally their freezer is like floating down their street.

Brie Tucker

Mm-hmm.

JoAnn

wow.

Dr. Darria

Another friend, a guy got stuck in a car and they like had to go in a canoe to like try to rescue this person. It was wild. It’s still like, it doesn’t rise to the devastation we’re seeing in like Florida, North Carolina, where it’s just awful. So in Atlanta, was just, you know, a lot of just way more water than we expected, but we were pretty fortunate relatively.

Brie Tucker

Yeah. Yeah.

JoAnn 

Yeah, it was insane, the storm that just went through. And for everyone listening to this, we’re recording it on October 1st, right after Helene came through, which is why we’re talking about Atlanta. Yeah, everyone should know. But you have three kids, correct? A 10-year-old, a 7-year-old, and a 15-month-old.

Dr. Darria 

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah, I was like, we should probably mention that. Yeah.

Dr. Darria 

Exactly.

you.

Yes, we got this range, yes.

JoAnn 

Yes.

Brie Tucker 

Man, you’ve got it all. you’ve, uh-huh, you’ve got the preteen going into, going into the teen and then the seven-year-old that is doing everything by themselves and then the 15-month-old that’s trying to chase after them.

Dr. Darria 

I know, I know, I know. Don’t, girl, don’t remind me.

Exactly. And my 10 year old reminds me every day that she is practically a preteen going into there. It’s like, where did we go? And then there’s like my 15 month old, he’s learning to walk and he runs around kind like a little older man and he sees you coming after him and he bends over more and runs back and walks faster. So yes, it’s all the range.

JoAnn 

Yeah.

Brie Tucker 

Hahaha!

JoAnn 

That is so my gosh, I love like the 15 month old age for like a few minutes and then I’m like, I’m exhausted guys. Thank you.

Dr. Darria 

it. Then they’re like thrashing their body and you’re just trying to hold them and they’re like hitting you in the teeth with their head. Yeah, then you’re like, okay, this is this is work.

JoAnn 

Yeah, yeah. And like you’re an emergency room physician and you appear on national media. Like do you, how often are you at the hospital? Like just to get a like look at your whole schedule of life.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah, what does your schedule look like?

Dr. Darria

Yeah. Yeah, no, there’s no regular day. Like there’s no regular ER shift. So I guess I got used to it. There’s just like no regular week for me. Some weeks you’re in the ER, some weeks I’m not, you know, it’s just a combo. Some days I’m like filming from our sim center, which is underneath the emergency department. Some days I’m working in the emergency department. We learned you can’t film in the ER, obviously. It’s a little too unpredictable.

Yeah, I was room mom a little year for last year and they’d like tell you about meetings like they tell you like a week before you’re like, great, well, I have an ER shift. So it was like the very first one they’re like, if you only attend one, I was like, okay, I’ll come in for three minutes if I can. So I like jump into the zoom and these poor scarred parents, was kindergarten. And it was for my second child. So I was used to the school, but these new parents, these new baby kindergarten parents new to the school, I’m trying to run it. And you can hear in the background, they’re like code blue.

JoAnn 

What?

Dr. Darria 

drama, you know, something stuck someplace it shouldn’t be like it always and I was like, gotta go guys, sorry. Kindergarten’s great. Talk soon.

JoAnn 

Ha

Brie Tucker 

Something stuck someplace it shouldn’t be.

JoAnn 

Good luck to you all. See you later. That’s a lot of you. A lot is coming at you all at once. And I think like a lot of parents feel that way too, like balancing the work and the responsibilities as a mom and even like responsibilities too that are put on us as women. Like you being asked to be room parent, were there men as room parents?

Dr. Darria 

Any questions? No. So.Yeah. Yes.

Well, it’s called re-appearance. don’t think I’ve I’ve not seen a man, a male do it recently, in my history. But you know, exactly. I felt really bad after that meeting and I was like, just, you know, starved these people. I didn’t do a good job. And I couldn’t stay. like, I gotta go take care of the ear. Like I made a face and then a face appearance. And actually one of the other moms was like, hey, you just showed all these other parents. It’s totally fine. It is totally fine if you’re balancing 30 things and that you don’t.

Brie Tucker)

Yeah, because it used to be room mom. Yeah.

JoAnn 

Yeah.

Dr. Darria 

come on screen looking perfect with your time carved out, whatever, we’re all balancing. She’s like, you just gave everybody permission to do that. I was like, perfect then. Good, okay. So I think that’s the point of this podcast too, right?

JoAnn 

You know what, it’s so-

Brie Tucker 

It is, it is. You show up the best you can. Go ahead.

JoAnn (06:38.062)

But it’s so interesting though, because I think as women, we are so used to showing up the best that we can. I I think it’s more acceptable for women to show up the best they can than, for instance, for men. Because I know something that my husband tells me and something that I’m pushing through gradually and gradually is that he works the best if he could focus on one thing at a time. And I’m like, ha ha!

Brie Tucker 

Ooh, this’ll be good one.

Dr. Darria 

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, that must be nice.

Brie Tucker 

You would drown as a mother. But on the flip side, does take on more than I have seen in my, if I were to add together all the dads that I know. He takes on more than the average dad, but.

JoAnn 

It’s great. I just think it’s a male mentality. It’s like men get to focus on one thing at a time while women are kind of expected to get all the rest. Yeah.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah. Yeah, we’re not giving that grace. Yeah, we’re not giving that grace by any means.

Dr. Darria 

Yeah. That’s, yeah. It’s true. my husband equally is like, he is a wonderful partner. We realized, like, especially in the middle of the night, if I get woken up by the baby, I can’t fall back asleep. Rice can fall asleep standing up. So he kind of by default takes care of the baby at night, which is just a gift, a gift. So he does that because he…

Take care of the baby, change all the stinky diapers, put the baby back down and they’re like, ow, he’s cold out, it’s late. But at the same time, you know, if he has the kids, I was in Orlando this past weekend at the American Academy of Pediatrics and he has the kids and he’s balancing all things. It makes him really anxious to a point I’m like, yeah, like what you’re talking about is like kind of a normal Wednesday afternoon for what I’m handling. Or like I was in the ER working a shift and like Bryce was like literally on.

JoAnn 

Yep.

Dr. Darria 

campus for a school thing and then school nurse was calling me I was like he’s even there I’m working like why are you people calling me

Dr. Darria 

But you know, it’s, it’s.

Brie Tucker 

Sorry, that’s so true.

Dr. Darria 

So true. And you know what? I enjoy doing it. So I, you know, I want to be in the know of those things too. And I think you see, you do see different family dynamics and sometimes dads are handling more like at our school. do see a lot of times I have one of my very best girlfriends, her husband comes to a lot of the events he works too, but she works crazy hours. And it’s just like, sometimes it’s her husband, you know, sometimes it’s a grandparent coming in. And I think, I hope that there’s more forgiveness.

I am missing my daughter’s big presentation tomorrow at school, because I’m in the ER. It was supposed to be last Friday and I blocked my day for it. I was going to going in and serving them lunch afterwards, really excited. And then Hurricane Helene came through and they canceled school and they scheduled it for tomorrow when I’m in the ER and I couldn’t move in. So I’m going to miss it, but I asked them, they’re going to film it for me. And my mom’s actually driving down from Chattanooga. She’s going to go.

Brie Tucker 

Thank you.

Dr. Darria 

Mom is going to volunteer and serve the food. my daughter, I got it all straightened out before my daughter got out of school. So as soon as she got out of was like, mommy won’t be there, but mom and Jeremy will be there. And she’s like, okay. It is, it is a lot of coordinating and, but the good thing is like, it’s okay. And I’ve been able to tell my friends, Hey, I won’t be there. Watch my daughter say hi to my mom. She looks exactly like me. So if you see a woman who looks like me wandering around, not knowing anybody, please say hi.

Brie Tucker 

That’s a lot of coordinating though, man. yeah.

Dr. Darria 

And I know our village will step in and do that.

JoAnn 

That is okay. You mentioned the village and I think this really goes into great about something that you talk about a lot. It was how to be unoverwhelmable and I want to get into your tips right after this. We got our ad break. Okay, so Dr. Darius something you talk about is being unoverwhelmable and I have to say like I was immediately drawn to this topic because overwhelm is huge, especially with the things we have to deal with.

the things that you just described about having to coordinate everybody to step in for you. I the, I don’t want to say burden, but the expectations of mom on moms are just so huge. So when you talk about overwhelm, let’s first like really define that. Like, what do you see overwhelm as being?

Dr. Darria 

Okay, so I see overwhelm not as just being busy or things to do. It is when you have your demands, the things you need to do or should do or think you should do. It’s all of those things. Exceed what you’re physically or capable of doing. Then you got overwhelmed when you got that gap. And the reality is when we are in that stage and we are running in that like negative Delta, when we really can’t do all the things we’re putting on ourselves, we’re not at our best.

That’s when we’re quote unquote crazy busy. I did a TED talk on crazy busy, mainly because I thought, how does it happen in the ER? In the ER, we always kind of have more to do than we can do. How do we not lose it? How do we keep our cool? Because there it’s life or death. And then how do we extrapolate that to do that in our own lives so we can have that same mentality?

Brie Tucker 

Mm-hmm.

JoAnn 

Yeah, I see it as like education too. When I was a teacher, there was more to do than I can physically do. The problem I see at home though is like with my kids, had that, like when I say with my kids, I’m talking with my students. With my students, I had love for them, but I also had an emotional detachment from them where I could logically look at the things that I could let go of and I’ll be like, they’ll be fine. They could figure this out themselves.

Dr. Darria 

Mm-hmm.

JoAnn 

With my own children, it’s almost like I feel like I’m failing them as a parent if I let go of those things. So getting over that emotional kind of tie that we have with our kids is so hard. Like, what do you, do you see that? You’re nodding your head no.

Dr. Darria 

Yeah. No, I’m not. And because I’m like feeling it so much. I realized that in medical school when I was a med student, I’d be like, and do you have any other complaints? And my med school teacher was like, you got to stop shaking your head. got to stop. Do you any questions? Yeah. So that’s not what I meant there. So actually, when I talk about being unoverwhelmable, I kind of finish with that point. And I want to start with that point because I know it’s so valid. So there’s kind of like three tips.

JoAnn 

Yeah, no, you’re like, no.

Brie Tucker 

God. No, no. Do you need help? you need to bling?

Dr. Darria 

three categories. You one, you want to be unoverwhelmable. One is learning how to triage, which you’re actually the ear all the time. We can talk more about that. Another is develop, developing systems, automating as much as you can, putting everything on repeat, all those things. And third is kind of mental. And this comes down to what we put on ourselves, our expectations of ourselves, our expectations of how we are performing. So

I kind of tell it like, how do you get out of your own head? Cause we get in our own head and we’re like, I’m crazy busy. I can’t do this. And it starts this vicious cycle of like, you just feel frazzled versus being able to kind of take a step back sometimes. Like, okay, like let me triage. Let me put a system in place. How can I do this? And part of triage is sometimes letting, can talk about triage later, but it’s like letting go of stuff too. In the ER, I do not do everything. You know, if a kid comes in and they want me to enter, you know, ear infection, yes. Pneumonia, yes.

You know, car accident, yes. Want me to analyze your growth chart? Nope. Want me to take a whole bunch of estrogen and testosterone hormone levels for you? Nope. Not because those are not important, but that’s just not my thing. That’s not, if I do those things, then I have no hope of taking care of the most important things. So that’s, in triage, is really important, is letting go of some things. But then the last part is acknowledging that sometimes you’re not gonna do it well.

Some days you will not be at your very best. And they talk about this as a rupture and repair kind of mentality, knowing that you’re not, none of us are perfect. We all have too much on our plates and psychological studies look to say you, something happens and you yell at your child for like really no fault of their own. Like we’ve all had it. You were mad about this over here. Your child happened to do something and you ended up yelling at them. Everybody they did something to be so yelled. Studies show that if that happens,

That’s the rupture. If you go back and you repair and you say, Hey, mommy did this. I’m sorry. I’m actually stressed about this other thing. Not your fault at all. That was totally on me. I’m really sorry. Can we go read a book? Actually that repair you’re repairing the relationship in such a way that it’s actually stronger than if you’d never lost it in the first place. So it’s yeah.

JoAnn

Mm-hmm. I love the rupture and repair. I use that all the time. And it also like teaches kids how to repair their own relationships and that they’re allowed to make mistakes as well if they see that their parents make mistakes too.

Dr. Darria 

Yes, exactly.

Brie Tucker 

That is like so huge because when we try to show perfection, then they start thinking that we never have issues and that we can do it just right. And yeah, that causes some toxic expectations.

Dr. Darria 

Okay.

Yeah.

JoAnn 

It does. Let’s get into the triage a little bit because I see it in the ER and like I saw it in my classroom. It was very easy to triage. It was very easy to be like, okay, nope, this is what we’re doing right now. This is what we have planned at home. It’s a little difficult. Like I almost don’t have a defined role at home as I did in the classroom. And as I’m sure that you like don’t have either as you do in the ER.

Like how do you take those triage skills and move them into the home?

Dr. Darria 

Okay, so it’s a practice and I find that it’s helpful to discuss it with your partners, your friends. Like if you’re doing it at work with your colleagues when I talk about this, the downside is if you discuss it with your partner, your partner may come and remind you of it sometime. Like my husband will, so I talk red, yellows and greens and sometimes I’m focused. He’s like, is that really a red? And I’m like, how dare you use my own philosophies on me? But so downside and upside, but let me do it. Red is immediately important.

JoAnn

happens to me.

Dr. Darria 

Yellow is important, but not immediately. So, and this is the extrapolation from the, use these colors and then green is minor, gotta be done, but it’s actually the kind of stuff that has to be done, but we’ll get in the way of your reds and yellows. So my reds, I’m launching no panic parenting, of course, in a couple of weeks, everything related to that is kind of a red, you know, for me actually getting in, you know, a 30 minute walk every day that’s in my red, you know, being able to.

I do carpool for them to pick up my older kids. That’s right. Like these are all things that are important to me. Then the yellows, everybody can kind of self prioritize. And then there’s the greens. Greens are send $8 on Venmo to a coach’s gift for baseball and $7 for a gift, a coach’s gift for football. And hey, sign up for this volunteer activity and buy this costume piece and all these little things, rent this item, whatever.

It comes down to the reality is in today’s world, when we’re feeling crazy busy, it’s because we are mentally triaging everything as if it’s a red. And today’s world is programmed. The pain, the things, all the things your brain is like, I’m doing this, but I just got this notification. It’s a 40 % off sale ending tomorrow for the school uniform. kids needs that. This is a red. So it really comes down to starting to use this and say, okay, this

JoAnn 

Mm, mm-hmm.

Brie Tucker

I could see that, yeah.

Dr. Darria 

What is a red for me? Like what needs to be done today? What is a yellow? And that’s always kind of fluid. And then what are your greens? And so the first step I tell people is always like, choose what your reds are, like a five. And then also don’t let the greens get in the way. So here’s like a little quick tip. I call it BTSS, batch the small blank or batch a small stuff, batch a small stuff if kids are listening. Because the greens are like the little compsignathus from Jurassic Park. Remember them?

one little consignathus, little tiny dinosaurs. Remember them? They’re like the size of chickens. You’re like, one little dinosaur. It’s harmless. But as a pack, they were lethal. So create a BTSS folder in your inbox. And every time you get a request, sign up for this conference, buy this coach’s gift, send this little thing, those little teeny things that you’re like, I can do that in seven minutes. Or our brain, we know that if you stop what you’re doing to go do something else, it’ll take you about 15 to 45 minutes to get back to the level of focus.

So instead, don’t drag and drop everything to your BTSS folder. Don’t think about it. Don’t you dare. And then when you are sitting there with downtime, maybe you are like in carpool, which is where my soul goes to die. So when you’re sitting in carpool, open up your BTSS folder, sit there, bang through it in those 30 minutes, and then you’ve gotten your dreams done. So that’s just like a little tip, how to get the little things done without messing up the important things.

JoAnn 

That’s a great tip. And I have to agree with you. Carline is where my soul goes to die. Like waiting in that car line. I don’t do it anymore actually. Both of my kids, like I don’t even listen to this school. I’m such a rebel even though I was like a past teacher. I’m like, no, I am not going in that car line. My kids, I’m gonna drop them off at this park right next to the school that other parents are dropping their kids off at. And they’re gonna walk in. They’re gonna walk in. Like why can’t kids walk? I don’t get it. I don’t get it.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah.Hahaha

Dr. Darria 

You’re such a rebel. Ooh, girl! Living dangerously there. Just kidding. I’m joking.

JoAnn 

So dangerous. my goodness. Well, I want to get to your other two tips in your system right after this. And I forget what the second tip is, Dr. D’Aria. I’m so sorry. I didn’t write it down. You had triage. You had the mental space was third. What was second? Systems. Okay.

Brie Tucker 

Yep, develop systems and then mental manage the expectations.

Dr. Darria 

Systems, systems. then, yeah.

JoAnn 

Okay, so we just talked about triaging. Let’s get into that second part, making systems. What kind of systems do you have right now in your home to make things easier?

Dr. Darria 

Okay, so again in the ER, we don’t reinvent the wheel every time you have like an order set. have kind of a system. I do, what I always tell people, are you making, what are the decisions that you’re making the same way, whether that’s every day, every week, every month, and then automate them as much as possible. It’s just one tip to do that. So that includes things like.

Subscribe and save whether you’re on Amazon or Target or whatever. What are those things you need to buy? Just put them on subscribe and save they show up My husband jokes at Jeff. That’s an Amazon. He’s like, Jeff sent us more toilet paper today It’s like hey, thanks Jeff and people get a little confused They’re like who’s Jeff and why is Jeff sending you things like what’s Bezos? It’s okay. He just sends us things So how often do you can you automate automate kids car, you know carpool driving pick up?

automate meal planning, anything you can. Again, if it gets it off of your plate, automate when you work out any decision that you’re making every single week, automate it really easy. It’s just about how do I create systems that support what I’m trying to do versus get in the way of what I’m trying to do. Again, like when I talk about like baby proofing, I think about how do you put things into place? Because the goal is not to be chasing your 15 month old like I have around the house constantly. No, don’t grab that. Don’t grab that. Don’t grab that.

or creating a bubble around them. It’s like, do you put systems in place so you make specific areas safer? Or what I call your turn your back spaces or baby jail, whatever you call them, where you can leave your, you know, your baby can be there. They can be a little freer. They can roam around on their own and you have peace of mind. So again, it’s how do I create systems that support what I’m trying to achieve all day long? Little systems, systems.

Brie Tucker Yeah.

JoAnn)

Yeah, and when you say automate, you’re meaning like making it a habit so you don’t have to think about it. You don’t have to decide when to do it. You don’t have to like fit it into your day.

Dr. Darria 

Exactly, exactly. Have somebody deliver it for you. It just shows up at your door for your toilet paper, paper towels, all those things, automated as much as possible.

JoAnn 

Yeah, that subscribe and save is amazing. They’re a delegation.

Brie Tucker

Delegate, delegate, delegate.

Dr. Darria That’s another tip, we’re just doing one tip today. We’re being coyotes.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah

JoAnn 

Yeah, no, anything you can get off your plate is great. Like I think that works for household chores and routines as well. Because a lot of our decision making goes into sometimes we talk about the full house method, where you saw Danny Tanner in the kitchen creating the chore chart each week for every single one of the kids. And it’s like, hold on, like that doesn’t work. Like, let’s automate this. Let’s make it the same thing each time so that you don’t have to spend any decision making power on it.

Dr. Darria 

Yep. Right. Right. And if it’s an automation for your kids and the routine of your kids, you’re going to be yelling at your kids less to do it every night because they just know they have to do it.

JoAnn 

Absolutely, absolutely. And there’s like some kind of research that goes into like how many choices that humans can make in a single day before they go crazy.

Dr. Darria (23:31.394)

So you, you are exactly right, Joanne. The more decisions we make during the day, the more mental fatigue we get and the worse the quality of decisions become and the longer each one takes during the course of the day. So yes, I mean, that’s why Steve Jobs like at this basic and Steve Jobs wore the same outfit every day. I’m not going to do that. That’s a little extreme. We’ll find some other ways to automate, but that is like, are the decisions? How can you reduce them? So that’s automate.

Brie Tucker (23:33.967)

Okay.

JoAnn (23:58.828)

Yeah, I love that. Okay, let’s talk about this third one, the mental one, because I think this is the one that I need the most help in. Is the not like beating yourself up for the expectations and like get into the right headspace about those things that you’re dropping or those things that you’re doing wrong. Like how do you even recommend people start with that?

Dr. Darria (24:18.038)

Yeah. So first, I think it’s a mental shift on how we judge being busy. Because at the same time, it’s like, I’m so busy. I have so much to do. And to a certain extent, if you’re not triaging well, then OK, you’re overly busy. We need to come help you triage. Let’s do that. Let’s create the systems. But you could have all those play in place and they still feel that way. And sometimes it’s just a pause. I realized in the ER, when I first started training, was like, ugh.

Brie Tucker 

Okay.

JoAnn

Yeah.

Dr. Darria 

I want to see every patient. can never get all the patients gone. And it was an understatement. No, there will always be patients coming in. I’m never going to get to ER patient list zero. It’s okay. I’m never going get to inbox zero. I’m never going to get to to-do list zero because if I did, like, what would I be living for if there was nothing else to do? Bree’s saying something.

Brie Tucker 

Okay, I have to throw this in. all, yeah, we all got the time to get the to-do list to zero. It was called COVID. You know, we’re all locked in our houses and we still did. How many of us were like, Bri, was like, if I just had like a week to not do anything, well, COVID came and went and that definitely wasn’t the problem. So just saying.

JoAnn 

That wasn’t the problem.

Dr. Darria 

Not the solution. Yeah, more COVID is not the solution. Exactly. And it’s more locked down. That’s exactly it. And sometimes it’s just like looking like, yeah, I have a really full to-do list. And it’s like, but I actually love all these things. I’m sure I could go back to before I had kids and I had no kids stuff on my to-do list, but I love that. Okay. I love, sure I could not do television and not have to worry about my hair and makeup ever again, but I love that. So sometimes it’s like, okay, it’s busy, but it’s not.

crazy busy. So that’s one thing. And again, this is after you’ve triaged and put systems in place to make sure your list is actually manageable. And then the other thing sometimes, you know, I talk about this, things come in, I’m like, you know, in the ER and it’s a single hand, like, I can’t handle another one. You’re at that point and you realize you can’t. And it’s just a moment where you’re one thinking, I am the best person to handle this. They’re calling me, they’re coming to me because I am the best person and let me rearrange things, let me retriage.

It’s not crazy busy. Like I can do this. Let me do it. and that’s just kind of a mentality now of how I face things. Again, assuming that you have your priorities in place, you’re not doing that all day long, but to say, okay, I’m the very best person to handle this. So let’s go, let me move things around so I can do it and let’s, get this taken care of. And then if I don’t, because some, we all mess up sometimes, then there is that rupture and repair and giving yourself grace because all of us have days where it didn’t go exactly as.

JoAnn 

Yeah.

Brie Tucker

Yep.

JoAnn 

I feel like every day. I don’t know.

Dr. Darria 

Yes, that’s true. But if you remind yourself that, then you also realize the cost of being overwhelmed if you don’t do it well one day is okay. It’s like that’s human. That’s fine. And I think lowering the cost of like getting it wrong also.

JoAnn 

I have been, I’ve been learning a lot that like, sometimes I push myself way too hard and I don’t even allow myself the time to rest. So recently, like my, my son was in the hospital recently for some stomach problems and he’s fine now, but it caused a lot of stress in my life. And since that happened, like two weeks ago, I’ve been very aware of how run down I was and how like, to the point of overwhelm I was and how like one thing really broke me.

So just putting in those periods of rest and relaxation and watching like flight attendant on Macs. Like I had not, I was not given myself the time to do something I enjoy, which is watching like really great TV and like stories and getting like into those.

Dr. Darria 

Ooh!You’re so right, Joan. Sometimes it unfortunately takes us getting sick. So I got super, super sick from COVID. So I didn’t have that extra that week off because eventually I developed heart failure and was going into cardiac arrest. And I was still driving home from the ER going into cardiac arrest on the side of the highway, having to get shot from the side of the highway. that is what caused me to, well, yeah, I actually can’t take that exit still from the highway.

JoAnn 

my goodness.

Brie Tucker 

Jeez.

JoAnn 

my gosh.

Brie Tucker 

trauma.

Dr. Darria 

we just avoid it. just exit early and we just drive around. It’s fine. but that’s what caused me to like, I ruthlessly triage. When I say triage is the first step is I ruthlessly do so. And if there is something that I think doesn’t need to be done or isn’t important, I very much in many ways, it’s like decreased my shoulds because all those shoulds that we put on ourselves, I forced all that.

JoAnn 

Okay.

Dr. Darria 

going through all that force like is this important? Is this worth me being stressed out? Is this worth me taking time away from my kids? So I think you know ruthlessly triage. Cut things, say I’m going to take this time for myself, for my family and it is okay.

JoAnn 

I agree. Like after, going through also depression and anxiety, I, I tend to triage the stuff that you were talking about in your green level, like all of the stuff the school asks for, everything like that. I’m usually one of those parents who does not respond. I do not, I do not go into volunteer. I don’t do anything. I was a teacher and I was a teacher at a very low income school where parents did not have that extra time to come into the classroom. I, I made it work.

Dr. Darria 

Mm.

Dr. Darria 

No.

JoAnn 

as a teacher. So I see that and I’m like, you know what? I’m so happy that parents have the time to do this. And also like, I know that they can make it work without this parental involvement too. And I know these kids are going to be absolutely okay if I’m not a parent volunteering in their class as well. So like those green things is okay. It’s okay to drop it. So what is something that you are excited about coming up for you, Dr. Daria?

Dr. Darria 

That’s beautiful.

Dr. Darria 

So I am so excited about the launch of my course, No Panic Parenting. It is the first major baby safety, baby proofing course that’s created by an ER doctor and mom. it launches, well, it will launch by the time this airs. And I created it because baby number three was born last summer. And like you mentioned, he’s way younger than the other two. And I had to go back and re-baby proof my entire house.

And by this point, I had been a mom already for an extra nine years. So I had that experience. was less afraid that I was just going to break this baby. I’d been an ER doctor for nine more years, seen that many more patients. And so many times you’re just sitting there and you’re like taking care of an injured child. And I’m looking at these distraught poor parents and this poor child. I’m thinking, I could just talk to these people two hours ago, like we could have prevented this. Like we could have done that. Like we could have been a time machine.

And so finally I thought, and that’s why I got into TV in the first place. But then I thought, you know, I can create something just on this. And that’s where the course came from. And so I’m super excited about it. have really brilliant other pediatric health experts who are helping me review the content. It’s super data-driven, but designed to be super helpful for parents. So I’m like, this is my time machine. Yay.

JoAnn 

That is so exciting. I’m going to recommend it to my sister. She has a five month old right now and a five year old who is crazy. Yes. We’ll definitely, we’ll put that link in our show notes. Thank you so much for joining us today, Dr. Daria. It has been wonderful and we will talk to you later.

Brie Tucker 

just have to say, I know you said it in the intro, but I just love Dr. Daria’s energy. Like you can tell, first of all, that she is super passionate about what she does and what she talks about, but at the same time, she’s just fun. She just, you know what? She would be part of our Margarita group, I think. I think honestly, if we could get her out to Phoenix, we would all be hanging. 

JoAnn 

She is!yes.I think she would be a wonderful part. Dr. Daria, if you hear this, you’re invited to our Margarita group, which we need to have like another meeting up because we haven’t for a while actually. Yeah, we need more Margarita. Margarita Mondays. I know it’s so funny. Like here in Phoenix, we’re like, it’s October, the weather’s getting nicer. And like, I know if you’re listening for the East Coast, you’re like, what are those people on? But trust us here. Like Arizona’s amazing.

Brie Tucker 

Yeah.

I know, I know we need more, you need to bring back Margarita Mondays as the weather’s getting nicer.hey, as long as it’s under, right, as long as it’s under like 109, it’s a nice day. We can start emerging from our air conditioned cocoons again.

JoAnn 

It is actually low 100s is nice.

JoAnn 

Mm-hmm. I greatly look forward to that, because as we are recording this episode on October 1st, it is still 106 here in Phoenix, and it’s just not fair. It’s not right.

Brie Tucker 

And it was 117 like three days ago.

JoAnn 

Yeah, yeah, it’s not good.

Brie Tucker 

We’re hoping, we’re hoping. But going back to Dr. Daria, I love her energy, I love her passion. When we were finished, I even asked her like, you know, since you’re, since No Panic Parenting is a new venture, are you thinking about cutting back on the ER? And she’s like, no, this is my path. Like I, it grounds me and I see it in you too. You do it a lot, like, or not do it a lot, but I hear you say it like how if you’ve been removed too long from being a,

interacting directly with people, you’re like, need another session. Like I miss being with people. yeah.

JoAnn 

Yeah, I wish that teaching was like being an ER physician, like that you can come in and out of it, like as much as you choose. I would love that. I would love to do two days a month in the classroom. That’d be my dream. No, yeah, it’s not the same. It is not the same. When you’re a sub, you see a totally different side of kids in the school because like,

Brie Tucker 

You could-

Well, you could sub, but that’s not gonna be the same. Yeah, you don’t get the same quality.

Yeah, you don’t get the same quality. We’ll say that.

JoAnn 

And you have to go from school to school to school. you’re constantly like, it’s, the period that I hate the most about new situations. It’s when you’re building rapport with people and familiarity. That’s the hardest part. Yeah. And the best part is when you have that rapport. So if you had like a situation where they all knew you and you just came in like twice a month, I’d be down with that. It’d be great.

Brie Tucker 

yeah and it never gets to stick around. Yeah.We need you to go back to teaching art to the elementary school here since we don’t have art programs in our elementaries.

JoAnn

Yeah, I can’t even do that because it’s like, I would want a whole day thing. It’s too much segmented. You know how we’re talking about overwhelm? If I segment my time too much, I find like I do go into that brain crazy. I do much better if I could focus on something for like a few hours at a time and work allows me to do that. Yeah.

Brie Tucker 

yeah.

Same. Yeah, yeah, no, same. Same, have Monday, podcast day. Don’t give me anything else, please, I’ll cry. I’ll cry. And it’s not because I love what I’m doing, not that I hate what I’m doing. I just can’t change, like it takes so much concentration. man, yeah.

JoAnn 

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, exactly. I guess that is going back to my husband’s comment about how he can focus on one thing at a time. I mean, that’s a luxury that we don’t get as moms at home. We get that at work. And I think that’s why I enjoy work so much because I get that focused brain time where I’m like, I have accomplished something here. And at home, you’re like, I’ve prevented everything from burning to the ground, but I haven’t actually don’t have like an accomplishment per se.

It’s a hard, hard thing. I need both in my life. Yeah.

Brie Tucker 

Everybody is alive. Everybody is alive and that is an accomplishment. Well, that’s also like why I’m so excited about Dr. Darya’s program, like the No Panic Parenting, the online course. It’ll be so helpful because I did that for so many years, like both when I worked in the special needs area, as well as when I worked in newborn follow-up at the hospital out here. it’s those little things that…

JoAnn 

Exactly.

Brie Tucker 

There’s so much information going at parents, I think, especially new parents, that they can’t possibly catch it all. And you don’t know what you don’t know until something happens. So that’s why I think that this course is gonna be super helpful, because you can pick and choose and take what you need when you need it. So, I know.

JoAnn 

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

All the baby proofing, all the baby proofing. Well, yeah.

Brie Tucker

And I think you were onto something about gifting this in the holiday season too. You know, someone who just had a baby or who’s getting, who’s pregnant and gonna have a baby? This is what they need. Not another set of burp cloths, not another set of diapers. They need this. This is gonna be hard to get in any other capacity.

JoAnn

Yeah.

Indeed. until next time, remember the best mom’s a happy bomb. Take care of you and we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker 

Thanks for stopping by.