Podcast Episode 281: 4 Tips to Keeping Quiet (and help your kids be more self sufficient) Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Brie Tucker: As the parent, the more often we hold our tongue, we don’t jump in, we don’t fix it. We don’t give our advice. you’ve said this before in other podcast episodes, we sit in the hole with them while they’re struggling, we’re going to see that our child rose to the occasion and that it worked.

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom Podcast. I’m your host, JoAnn Crohn, joined here by the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Well, hello, hello, everybody. How are you? And

JoAnn Crohn: And if you ever have problems biting your tongue, oh my goodness, this is the episode for you. We’re going to show you some strategies of how to say nothing when your kids are melting down, having huge problems, and come to you to fix it. Because the best thing is, don’t fix it.

Brie Tucker: I know that is hard. Like, we are definitely not Jedi masters in this yet, but I do feel like we’ve made some progress. And I know for a fact, there are some tips and tricks that I have to use on a regular basis to hold my tongue because I love to be a fixer. That is like It built inside the core of Brie. Like if you were to crack me open in there, there’d be like a little like gooey part of me that’s called fixer. And like, that’s that I know it’s a little gross way. I’m like, well, whatever. It’s like, it’s like a gooey nougat middle.

JoAnn Crohn: The caramel it’s the caramel

Brie Tucker: It’s the carmel inside of fixing everything. But I mean, it, it can be done. There are ways you can do it and that you can get better at it. And it is worth it in the long run because. We both have seen improvements in our relationships when we stop trying to fix things.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. We’ll go into that a little bit too, about the kind of psychology behind the fixing and, uh, what it does to the other person as well. But before we get on, we have a shout out, uh, if you get the NGM weekly newsletter, it’s our free newsletter here on no guilt, mom, you see. See the little button where you can share it with friends and invite other friends to become no guilt moms. And when you share it, you get prizes. And the first prize you get is a podcast shout out. So I want to shout out Courtney from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Brie Tucker: Woo!

JoAnn Crohn: Thank you for sharing the no guilt mom weekly. We are so excited to have you as part of our community. And, uh, if you want to sign up for the no guilt mom weekly, please do so. We have a link for you right here. In the show notes and now let’s get on with the show. 

OK, Brie, it was funny because during the intro you were having Max, your little dog

Brie Tucker: He is still sitting on my lap, still, still desperately looking at the tiny bit of hummus that is left on my plate from lunch and

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, I have not had lunch yet. I need I need lunch like I’m still in Mexico time, honestly, like it’s two hours later there, like two o’clock and I’m exhausted.

Brie Tucker: Oh!

JoAnn Crohn: And it’s just like, it’s crazy. It’s a little crazy coming back. I’m like, it’s crazy.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, what time did you guys get back? You got back yesterday, right?

JoAnn Crohn: About 7. We got back home.

Brie Tucker: Oh, see, yeah, that’s a hard turnaround. that’s where I feel like most people, you need like a day to get back into the swing of things.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, but it’s all good. It’s all good. we’re talking about fixing and not fixing,

Brie Tucker: And biting your tongue.

JoAnn Crohn: Biting your tongue. Because, like, even though we, we, in our very, very extensive experience, It’s life experience, all of us. I’m talking to all you moms out there. we feel like we know exactly what it would take to solve a problem. Like our kids come to us with a problem where they can’t find their shoes. They don’t know what to eat. I mean, what other problems are your kids coming to you with free?

Brie Tucker: Oh, just, Everything from I’m not happy with my job. I need to go buy things but I don’t have money. Help, I just got a text from my dad and I’m not sure what to say. like, it’s, a ton of stuff. It’s, yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: Can you take me to target? I need something from target

Brie Tucker: Oh, can we go to,

JoAnn Crohn: to

Brie Tucker: go to Cineholic? Five minutes later. You sure we can’t go to Cineholic? Ten minutes later. I’ll buy you Cineholic, mom, if you take us to Cineholic. Like, it just, it’s, it, I’m sad. I want Cineholic. Like, yeah, like it’s, it’s a lot of, it’s a lot of

JoAnn Crohn: a lot of stuff. It’s a lot of stuff. And like, I think the hardest thing as a parent is when your kid, I mean, there’s many hard things as a parent that comes out of my mouth and I’m like, God, there’s so many things as hard as parent. But one of the hardest things that is hard as a parent is when your kids have a problem, you just want to fix it.

Like it’s very difficult to watch them struggle, to experience pain, to experience frustration. All you want to do. Is help and the thing is when we’ve come in and we fix things for our kids, they never develop the confidence that they could fix things for themselves. And that’s a huge, huge thing. 

My daughter is actually eligible for her driver’s permit. She’s eligible yesterday. Okay. And she’s very nervous about taking this test. And she’s like, mom, can you like sit down with me and take this test? Cause it’s all online. Apparently you need to have a parent there when you take it. Uh, which I didn’t find anything about this driver’s permit test at all. I was like, here you go.

You could figure it out. Just tell me where I need to be. But she wants me to tell her the answers during the test. And I’m like, okay. I’m like, I’m not going to tell you the answers. I’m not going to do it. She’s like, why? I’m like, she’s like, don’t you want me to have my permit mom? Like, don’t you want to get this started?

I’m like, yeah, but if I tell you the answers, you’re never going to develop the confidence that you can do this by yourself. She’s like, Oh, I need dad for this one. He’s not going to tell you the answers either. He’s not, but.

Brie Tucker: Yeah. I had, so like I had that exact same dilemma, actually, like so both of my kids, you could take your permit test either at the DMV or you can do it at home. So they have two options. some great things came out of the pandemic and that was one. now my oldest.

Didn’t ask me to give him the answers, but he did say he fully intended to open up Google and look up the answers to which I said, Oh, hell no, you’re not. And he’s like, yes, I can. And I’m like, no, you can’t because I had to sign a little form right there that says that I proctored your test. And I, We’ll not turn this in for you if I see you open up a single Google window.

And he’s like, okay, fine. Done. Conversation over. But my daughter kept hounding and hounding and hounding of like, give me the answers. Why can’t you just give me the answers? Same thing. Don’t you want me to get like a good score? Don’t you want me to pass? And I’m like, yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: but you could do this on your own.

Brie Tucker: Yes, on your own. And it’s crazy because, okay, so like I have, a lot of times I have to sit on my, tongue about these kinds of things and no, whatever the issue is, nine times out of 10, I have an answer to their problem.

Now, is my answer going to totally work? That I don’t know, but I do know that it’s better than either A, what they’re thinking, which a lot of times is. Blank. I have no idea what to do or B they have an idea, but it’s the God awful, worst idea I’ve ever heard before. Like the, I can pass my test if you give me the answers kind of idea, right?

Like when that, you know, is not going to work, but here’s the kicker. right. Like if we give them the advice that we’re thinking of, they just get mad a ton of the times. And if it, and if it doesn’t. work out the way they want it to, then it’s our fault

JoAnn Crohn: Mm hmm. Or it’s,

Brie Tucker: them the input.

JoAnn Crohn: oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there’s no winning in this situation. And I’m finding it like, it’s not as bad when your kids are younger, like six to ten years old. They’re really, they’re receptive to your help. They’re like, Hey mom, help me or hear mom take it over for me, which is usually what happens with younger kids.

I mean, we see it all the time. We get emails here at No Guilt Mom. It’s like, how do I involve my kids in chores when it’s much easier to do it without them? And totally agree. It is a hundred percent easier to do it without them. I thought that too. 100 percent easier to do it without them. And I think that’s why like, I kind of like look back and I get so mad being the oldest child because I see that my younger sister got a lot of things that I didn’t and I think about that a lot with my parenting because I see now because they’re four and a half years apart and so there’s enough of an age gap where I, I see like what happens in the future when I do it in the present. And so of course I’ve made some changes and I’m a lot more motivated to involve my son in stuff now because I could see the pushback that comes when they get older. But the things that I taught my daughter when she was younger and she did then, she still does as a teen. So. The hard thing is, is in regards to biting your tongue, you start it as early as possible.

Like, if you haven’t done it yet and they’re teenagers, it’s totally okay. Like, you could still do it. It just becomes easier, I feel, in the long run if you practice this starting from an early age

Brie Tucker: they, they fight it less, right? Like, isn’t that what you’re saying? Like they, they have learned that that is the response they’re going to get. and so they don’t push it as much, but like, yeah, when there’s been The ability , to coax the answer out that they wanted to coax the result that they wanted, which nine times out of 10, the result that they want is something where they have to take no responsibility for it and not have to do anything for it.

Because let’s just be honest. And I want to say like, I am not bashing our kids at all right now. And mankind, we are always looking for ways to make our lives easier and. better, right? Most people don’t think, wow, I’d really love a hard challenge today. I’d really love for Riverside tech to just not work with Facebook.

So we can’t stream if anybody out there that we were supposed to live stream this episode, but it was texts were not working today. So like nobody wakes up and thinks I want to challenge everybody wants something to be the easiest, happiest path of least resistance. That’s like, what’s biologically in tune with us.

But at the same time, We also know that if we never have challenges, we’re never going to learn how to solve things and that there is nothing out there to make our lives perfect and easy and never have to do anything the rest of our lives again. It’s just, that’s not an option in life. Mm

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. And it’s also like, it builds challenges for the future too. like I am, for instance, very confident traveling because I’ve done it a lot. I’ve had to figure it out a lot. I mean, just yesterday we had to be at the front of the hotel by noon to catch a shuttle to the airport. And so my son was like, Oh mom, but what if we don’t get there in time?

Oh, we’re not coming in time, mom. We’re not coming in. And I’m like. They’re not going to leave us, like we paid for the shuttle. We’re going to get there on time. And what happened? We got there exactly on time. They got us on the shuttle. Everything worked out. And that confidence I get because I’ve been in situations where mistakes have happened and I haven’t gotten there on time.

Totally out of my control, and yet it works out. And so really, when you bite your tongue and you don’t tell your kids exactly what to do, like, you are giving them that confidence for like, a less anxiety filled future.

Brie Tucker: Okay. I love what you just said because you pointed out something biological that’s going to happen by you biting your tongue, both for you and for your kid. So, like, we all know that, like, when we’re doing things. Our, our brains always go back for examples, right? Our, our, well, people in general do, but our brains go back for examples, for evidence of something to prove that it is true.

JoAnn Crohn: Mm hmm.

Brie Tucker: So, for your child to build confidence in themselves and to believe that they truly are capable of doing hard things, they have to have experiences. Examples of times that they’ve done hard things, right? Like that’s what we do as parents all the time. We tend to be like, I know that you’re really scared of jumping off the high dive, but remember last summer when you were really scared about riding your bike without training wheels and you did it and it was amazing and it was awesome and you know, and your kids like, yeah, yeah, I did do it. Yeah, I could do it. Right. And, and then they move forward.

JoAnn Crohn: Unless they’re a teenager and they’re like, That is a completely different situation! Shhh!

Brie Tucker: yes. Like how I just like stop that.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. You’re like, yes.

Brie Tucker: so they, they do tend to look back on it and we do that naturally. So the same thing happens to you as the parent, the more often we hold our tongue, we don’t jump in, we don’t fix it. We don’t give our advice. you’ve said this before in other podcast episodes, we sit in the hole with them. While they’re struggling, we’re going to see that our child rose to the occasion and that it worked.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah,

Brie Tucker: I’m not saying every single time it’s going to be 100 percent pretty and successful. It’s messy in that hole, and sometimes it takes a few tries. But the more often you do it, the more examples in your brain you’re going to have of like, I can hold my tongue.

I really can do this. And it really does give me the result that I want to see, which is my kid being the capable human being that I know they are. So I love like the, how you just talked about that because like that. you’re building that experience for both you and your child. So you’re, you’re building the bridges.

JoAnn Crohn: Well, there’s a lot of anxiety involved too, and we’re gonna talk about that anxiety as a parent right after this. So talking about holding your tongue as a parent, there is an anxiety that comes up when, , you can’t help. Like you feel in the moment you’re going to fail. The biggest example of this is if you’ve ever gone into freezing cold water, how you take your first step in, you feel like the freezing cold water on your ankles and you want to try to force yourself to go in your body. Like Panics, it panics, it immediately rejects it. It’s like, no, nope, Not going to do it.

Brie Tucker: hell no.

JoAnn Crohn: Hello. it’s such an interesting phenomenon. If you haven’t experienced this before, I recommend going and finding like either like putting ice cubes in your bathroom. Like Tiffany Thiessen told us to do in the podcast episode we did with her.

Or like going into a cold plunge at like, uh, I don’t know. I don’t know where they have cold plunges. The only place I’ve seen it is like one spa we ever went to on vacation.

Brie Tucker: I would say like, it’s probably, I bet if I did a Google search, I could find some places here. I know. We’re in Phoenix. It’s the fifth largest city, I think, in the country. We’ve got to have those somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Plus the fact it’s Phoenix. We live in an oven during the summer.

JoAnn Crohn: I know. I know those cool punches sound real nice But um like your whole body rejects it and that’s the same kind of feeling that you’re gonna have when you first start practicing this skill Your whole body is going to reject it. It’s going to think that it is wrong It’s going to like cause you a panic and anxiety That you letting your kid figure it out for themselves like it’s not gonna work This is what your mind will tell you You Right away.

This is what happens all the time to me. I mean, my daughter was like, she’ll come down and she’s like, mom, I can’t, can’t find the other part of my bathing suit. And I have to like have my suitcase packed because I’m, I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m on this vacation and I don’t know what I’m going to do, mom. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Like you hear like all this panic and it took me everything to tell her. I’m like, I trust that you can find it. It is probably in your room somewhere. I trust you right now. And I tried to modulate my voice and you know what? It sounds calm, but inside I’m like, Oh, she’s not going to find it. And she’s not going to be able to go.

And then like, whose fault is it going to be? It’s going to be me because I was the, the selfish mom who didn’t go and help her and didn’t go like, those are all the feelings, those are all the feelings.

Brie Tucker: Right. Because you sit there and you look at it almost sometimes as like a movie. And sometimes I, I, I do do that, like a little bit of like a disconnection where I’ll be like, all right, if I was watching this in a movie, like, what would I think of that parent? Yeah. They’re being selfish. Oh my God. I can’t believe they’re not doing X, Y, and Z.

And really, no, no, no, they’re not like it,

people will It’s so interesting too, because the aft,

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, the after facts are amazing because I was working at the time, which is why I did not go up and help her. And then four hours later, I come up to the kitchen, I’m making dinner, I see her. And when I see her, I realized that I haven’t heard about this swimsuit lately.

And I asked her, I’m like, Oh, like, were you able to find your swimsuit? Yeah, it was under my bed. And it’s so not a big deal. It’s so not a big deal And here I was really stressed out about it for her

Brie Tucker: Right.

JoAnn Crohn: And it’s just like she’s like, yeah, I was under my bed. It’s fine Like you just want to scream you would be like I just went through all that but like it’s it’s so interesting how it goes

Brie Tucker: It’s crazy. It really, really is. So, all right. All right. So I’m going to have us try to frame this and like an easy to follow four tips and tricks that are like super helpful to like, if you really struggle. With biting your tongue. These are some things That we have tried in the past to help us Um, how do I say this? Uh, build the skill, grow the skill, master the skill, even though I, like I said, we’re not masters yet.

JoAnn Crohn: Well, I would say like, master is a very loose interpretation because you’re allowed to make mistakes.

Like, there’s all these things. So like, let’s go into like, what’s our first tip?

Brie Tucker: So you say this all the time. Um, embrace the silence, like how silence is like super helpful. And it’s kind of funny because if people could watch this podcast right now, JoAnn’s being very silent while I’m talking. She’s like, I don’t know if you’re doing that on purpose, but it feels like you kind of are doing the whole, like, I’ll be silent.

JoAnn Crohn: no, my daughter, my daughter just came in and opened the door and I was like trying to signal to her that we were recording. So she wouldn’t bother me.

Brie Tucker: that’s funny. Okay. All right. So, but you need to embrace the silences. And for me, Oh my God, it is so uncomfortable. I hate silence. I, I can not stand no sound at all.

JoAnn Crohn: hmm.

Brie Tucker: that is really hard for me, but the longer there’s an uncomfortable silence, the more likely someone’s going to speak up. It’s almost like a game of chicken. If you’re competitive,

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, because silence is actually like a trick you can use against people. And I have to say, like, that’s one of the tricks in my arsenal because many people are exactly like you, Bri. They don’t like silence. And so they will give up information that they did not mean to give up because they don’t like silence. And so all you have to do is sit there and like, listen, and everything will be filled in, like absolutely everything. And you can get. Whatever, like you could get more, better read of the situation when you’re

Brie Tucker: Yes. What they’re actually thinking, right?

JoAnn Crohn: but they also don’t have confidence that they can’t find it.

They think like they, they won’t be able to go on their trip. Cause they like jumped like 20 steps ahead. like I, I was able to use silence a little bit this weekend when we were, the weather was kind of picking up and my kids were afraid there was a hurricane coming. Because we were in Mexico.

Brie Tucker: Which there

JoAnn Crohn: coming, but it wasn’t for too long. and I was like, well, what if a hurricane comes? And I’m just silent. And my son’s like, we’re going to die. I’m like, okay, well, are we going to die? Like, what are the steps to take? If a hurricane actually comes, we’re just going to die. I’m like, okay, we need to fill in some stuff here. and I waited and he wouldn’t go off of that.

I’m like, okay, well here, what is actually going to happen? So like a lot of times silence, when you have that silence and there’s absolutely nothing more that they give you. You’re like, oh. Okay. That’s the situation. We don’t know the steps in between. So you can’t tell me the steps in between of how we really wouldn’t die because they would cancel the flight.

They would move us to a protected area. The most that would happen is we would have a delay of some type, which is annoying, but it’s not dying. So silence is such a useful tool to really get more information.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, I love that one. And we have three more tips that we’re going to share with you guys right after Okay. So we talked about tip number one about embracing the silence, hearing that like, or every time I say that I hear enjoy the silence by Depeche Mode in my head. Enjoy the silence, bah, bah, bah, bah.

Oh, I’ll play it for you later. Uh, very good song. I Okay. Number that, that the second tip is something that personally do. and I ha and I did it a lot when I was in early childhood and I have found it works, um, in, in many situations. So if I’m having a hard time being quiet, Like, I’m sitting there and I’m literally just about ready to explode with my own opinions that I want to share in this scenario. I’ll start counting, or I’ll sing a song.

JoAnn Crohn: It works.

Brie Tucker: I will literally, I, and, and a lot of times, like, my family can tell when I do it because, uh, I, I am very, obviously, like, I’m very, um, visual. So be sitting there and, um, I’ll start looking up at the ceiling while I’m counting or remembering the lyrics, or I’ll look off to the side or down.

Cause I try not to do that whole, like, cause I will say this, there’s nothing that drives my kids more insane. And I think it does it to most people then when not only is the silence happening, but you’re

JoAnn Crohn: Mmhmm.

Brie Tucker: You’re like, I’m just staring straight at you. It’s, it’s a bit much intense. So I tend to kind of look off to the side and then I’ll look back at them again, but counting or singing a song in my head helps me keep my mouth shut.

JoAnn Crohn: yeah, counting is a good one. It’s a good one, especially like if you’re waiting for an answer, and like I do that when I’m very panic filled. I will start counting to like 30, and usually the answer comes in from like whoever I’m talking to within 10. Like they, they come in about 10. Yeah. right? Like 30 seconds doesn’t sound that long, but when it’s dead silence of 30 seconds, oh heck,

Brie Tucker: yeah, it’s long time. Yep. So we have, we’re counting, we’re embracing that silence. We know that it’s a way to get information and not say something. What else do we have? 

it’s about asking your kid this question because a lot of times, and it will get you feedback that you and I can both share. I’m sure we both have stories of asking this question, but asking your kid the question, well, what do you want to do? What do you want to have happen?

Like, I know sometimes what I get from that question is, I don’t know what I want! If I knew what I wanted to have happen, I wouldn’t be asking 30 minutes ago to me. Yes. Mm hmm that exact language that exact language Yes, and that’s like one of those things where when they do that It’s a pause. It’s a okay. We’re not thinking clearly right now. We flipped our lid We’re coming out against us, obviously very stressed. A lot of parents hear that, I don’t know what to do.

JoAnn Crohn: And give some ideas and then the kid automatically pushes back. It’s because the kid isn’t wanting ideas at that time.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, they’re not able to listen. Like you just said, they flipped

JoAnn Crohn: They’re not able to listen. And usually, like, my favorite response is, Okay. And I walk away because that’s like my reaction. what I’ve trained myself to do after many, many times, knowing that there’s nothing I can say in that moment that will make anything better. I’m just like, okay.

Brie Tucker: And you know what though? I think a really good thing because what it does is it gets both of you away from the situation where they are feeling upset. So it gets you away from possibly being attacked more and being told that it’s all your fault or that you’re Um, and then does, it gives it gives your child that space to where like, you say, okay. And you walk away. They’re like, oh, crap. All right. Maybe I need to

JoAnn Crohn: this morning is, my daughter wanted my opinion or my help on something. At least she asked for it. And I told her, I’m like, okay, well, like, what, what are your ideas? I don’t know. I don’t have any ideas. That’s why I’m asking you. And I’m like, I stood there. I was like, okay, I don’t have any ideas either. I need to think about it because I didn’t, I had no ideas. And I think that’s what contributed to my panic because as a parent, you think, Oh, I’m supposed to have the ideas. I’m supposed to fix it. And so when you have no idea how to fix it, you’re just like, I don’t have any, I don’t know what to do.

Brie Tucker: like, I know, like right now we’re making it sound like you asked that question. It’s going to blow up in your face and it can, but But like we said, like, there’s ways to work through it. The other times, there are times where they’re gonna come to you and be like, um, My life just sucks, I’m totally poor, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Okay, well, what do you, what do you want to do? Well, obviously I want to have money. Okay, well, that That sounds good to you. Or what are some ways you’ve made money before? Like, can you tell I’ve got a, I’ve got one kid that’s unhappy with their incoming income right now. So like, so there’s a lot of just like asking them, like, what do you want to do?

Sometimes they need somebody to walk them through that thought process because they’re so so worked up that they want to put together the thoughts, but they’re having a hard time. So this is you not judging. You just I, okay. Going back to also Brie’s brain is an ongoing pop culture, like museum, I think sometimes. So I just, I’m thinking back to, uh, the movie dude, where’s

JoAnn Crohn: I did not see that.

Brie Tucker: they go through that. Oh man. Okay. If you’re ever really looking for stupid humor. Dude, where’s my car? It is stupid nineties humor. Anyway, there’s this scene where they go to the Chinese restaurant and they’re trying to order food. And they talked about the Chinese mind trick.

Um, and it was only because like, they’re ordering Chinese food and the person they’d say to, you know, chicken low main and fried rice. And the person went off and then, and they’re like, um, and then an egg roll and then, and so they ended up ordering a whole bunch of more stuff. So the point is, is that.

It is saying like, what do you want to do? Okay. And then what else? Okay. And you’re just helping them. It’s like the, and then, and then helping them move

JoAnn Crohn: There’s also something to be said about think time, like needing think time, because when you ask that question, what do you want? Yes, you may get an explosive answer at first, but if you don’t react in return, you’re just like, okay, and you walk away. And they’re like, they sometimes come back to you. Like I usually find They, like, mostly my kids come back to me maybe an hour or so later when they’re calm, and then I hear the real side of things, because they’re able to think about it and come up with an answer. So, I mean,

Brie Tucker: And the fact that you didn’t yell back when they yelled is, is I think a huge reason that they’re able to come back later. Cause the first of all, they’re like, I know I could still talk to mom. She’s not mad. And two, They’re like, I didn’t get somebody that elevated me up another level.

JoAnn Crohn: exactly,

Brie Tucker: So, so it’s hard, it can be anxiety provoking, we’re telling you, like, we are totally acknowledging that biting your tongue can be very anxiety provoking, but that the outcomes are worth it in the end. And it gets easier. It’s less anxiety over

JoAnn Crohn: a lot of our balance members have said like how they’ve improved over time doing this as well, uh, and that it does take time and it does take practice. And, um, if you don’t have people around you too, who encourage you with this, who are reactionary, it can be really hard to put it in place.

So just like also be aware of your environment and know, , if there is somebody in your life who is very reactionary, who you live with, that’s This is gonna be a hard thing to overcome on your own, so give yourself a bit of self compassion for that. but like it’s totally possible to stop being the reactionary, to hold your tongue, and to embrace that silence. I think these are all great tips that you can use going forward that’s really gonna help a lot.

Brie Tucker: I think if you find that you don’t have that environment or that support, come join our balance group. Uh, we have, I like, I’ve, I’ve got to make sure we add like a link and there’s show notes here, because you will find that community and that support there, which is huge. But I do have one more tip. more tip. If all else fails, just grab some duct

JoAnn Crohn: Uh huh.

Brie Tucker: it over your mouth. I’m all,

JoAnn Crohn: heh heh.

Brie Tucker: I’m kidding.

JoAnn Crohn: would recommend painter’s tape. Duct tape is very, very hard to get off.

Brie Tucker: It rips harder. Oh, okay.

JoAnn Crohn: you have

Brie Tucker: tape. Gotcha.

JoAnn Crohn: I’ve

Brie Tucker: Oh, that’s, that’s an exfoliant you don’t

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: happen. Oh, but I mean, like if you, I, it just, it’s, it’s kind of sometimes like almost like I just want to comedically just mouth. and and I can do that with my older kids, like, especially with my daughter, because she gets my sense of humor and she does know what I’m trying to do parenting wise. But like, if she’s doing something and I cover my mouth, she’ll be like, why are you doing that? And most of the time I’ll be like, I’m trying really hard not to give you the advice that you don’t want to hear. And I cover it back up again and it’ll make her go from pissed off to like,

JoAnn Crohn: what do you want to say? What do you want to say, mom?

Brie Tucker: it’s almost like flipping the switch off in the room. Like, it, it grabs their attention, it kind of like jolts them free. well I will say this, she has never once asked for my opinion after that. She just laughs at me and then we’ll kind of get back more into a thinking mode.

JoAnn Crohn: Okay.

Brie Tucker: But yeah, no, she’s never, Oh, let me get, let me be perfectly clear. That has never resulted in anybody asking for my opinion.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh I heard from my daughter, she’s like, What do you want to say?

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: Like, I’ll say this.

Brie Tucker: Yeah. I want to say that I love you and that I strongly believe that you can do this. And I really honestly mean it.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes, exactly. Exactly. So we want to hear how this works for you. Please, please just DM me on Instagram. No guilt mom. , and let us know how this helped you. Any feedback you can give us. We love it. And until next time, remember the best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. And we’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.