How to Handle Criticism About Your Parenting with Confidence
Do you have a well-meaning relative who always tells you to be stricter with your kids? The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and connection, but unsolicited parenting advice can leave you unsure. What if I told you there’s a research-backed way to approach parenting that’s not about being “stricter” but raising confident, motivated kids?
In this post, I’ll share the key principles of Self-Determination Theory and how they can empower you to respond to critics with confidence.
Understanding Self-Determination Theory
In the 1980s, researchers Edward Deci and Richard Ryan developed the Self-Determination Theory, which challenges the idea that people are motivated by rewards or punishments. Instead, their research highlights three core psychological needs that drive motivation:
- Autonomy: The need to feel in control of one’s actions.
- Relatedness: The desire to feel connected and supported.
- Competence: The sense of being capable of achieving goals.
Let’s break down how each of these can guide your parenting decisions.
1. Autonomy: Giving Kids Control (Within Reason)
Critics often mistake permissiveness for good parenting strategies, but autonomy doesn’t mean letting kids run wild. It means providing them with the freedom to make choices within agreed-upon boundaries.
For example, instead of micromanaging your child as they clean their room, set expectations for the outcome and let them decide when and how they’ll accomplish the task. This builds their sense of control and motivation while reducing power struggles.
2. Relatedness: Building Strong Connections
Children thrive when they feel like part of a team. Punishments, however, often create a power imbalance that can erode trust and connection. Instead, approach discipline as an opportunity to work together toward a solution.
For instance, if your child is upset, take the time to talk through their emotions. This builds trust and models healthy ways to manage big feelings.
3. Competence: Setting Realistic Expectations
Kids can’t be expected to perform tasks they’re not developmentally ready for. For example, asking a five-year-old to sit quietly for 30 minutes at the dinner table might not be realistic. Consider whether the task is age-appropriate instead of punishing behaviors that stem from unmet expectations.
When children feel capable of meeting goals, their confidence grows—and so does their willingness to cooperate.
Putting It All Together
What is the parenting approach you’re being criticized for? It’s likely rooted in these principles of motivation. By focusing on autonomy, relatedness, and competence, you’re nurturing a relationship with your child that fosters long-term success—not just compliance in the moment.
So the next time Aunt Martha suggests you need to be stricter, you can confidently respond, “I’m following research-backed methods that build motivation and confidence in my child.”
Get My Free Resource: 5 Questions to Understand Your Child’s Behavior
These five simple questions are game-changers for uncovering the root of your child’s challenges and strengthening your connection.
💌 DM me the word QUESTIONS on Instagram at @noguiltmom to grab your free guide today!
Parenting isn’t about being stricter—it’s about raising motivated, confident, and emotionally intelligent kids. Remember, the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of yourself, and let go of the guilt!
Related Posts on No Guilt Mom:
JoAnn Crohn
CEO/Founder at No Guilt Mom
- Signs of Mom Burnout: 3 Hidden Warning Signs and How to Recover
- Handling Sibling Fights – A Game-Changing Strategy for Parents
- Supporting Kids in Teacher Conflicts: What Parents Need to Know
- How to deal with a grumpy child: 5 positive actions to help with whining, sulking and pouting
- Consequence for Hitting a Sibling: The simple method that teaches kids to communicate, not hit
- 15 Very Simple Science Experiments (Using What You Already Have at Home!)
- 4 ideas to keep kids off screens this summer — with zero nagging
- Moms: This is what happens when we constantly apologize
- How to Create a Tween’s Small Wardrobe
- 7 Tips to Calm Toddler Tantrums in Public
- Travel Snacks for Kids
- DIY Light Sabers
