We’ve failed.
It’s not true.
In fact, my mom guilt comes from one of very many lies we tell ourselves in this modern day of parenting.
Lies that our decreasing our kid’s autonomy while increasing our rates of anxiety, depression and a whole host of other psychological disorders.
Ready for them?
Does it seem like your child has a lot more homework than you did at her age?
The vocabulary, the spelling, the math homework sheet and then the required 20 minutes of reading… all in first grade??
How can you possibly keep your child focused during it all?
I’ve learned one major thing about picking my kids up after school.
I cannot – by any means – ask them in any sort of cheery voice, “How was your day?”
My nine-year-old daughter recently told me that for some reason that question produces this fiery rage inside of her. She can’t explain it, but it makes her so mad.
I asked my husband about it that night and he said that the question has too many expectations attached to it. If someone really wants to know about your day, they will ask you directly with no fake cheer.
The cheer places too much of a burden on having a happy answer in response and that’s all fake.
OK, I get it.
But then, I realize that the response to anything I ask my kids to do after-school is met with groans and whines.
Why? Are your kids like this too?
Want to get homework organization under control this year? All you need is this simple box!
Every time I attend one of my daughter’s dance performances, I see this mom who looks like she’s in a constant state of panic.
She leans forward in the front row watching every step and studying every move.
When the dancers leave the stage, she corners her daughter. I hear her say,
“That was great, but you need to smile more.”
“Next time, kick your leg up a little higher.”
The criticism is all well-meaning. She’s being nice and I can see that all she wants is for her daughter to improve.
I get that.
Her daughter retorts with an “OK mom, OK” and walks off.
It’s this gigantic indoor wonderland.
Ziplines racing across the ceiling.
Kids climbing rock walls and jumping off 20-foot towers on my left. As a kid, I would feel like my parents took me to Disneyland.
But NOT my son…
“Mommy, it’s too loud”
“Mommy, I don’t want to do anything here.”
“Mommy, Sissy won’t wait for me. She’s running too fast.”
Sigh.
“NO! I don’t like anything! I’m not going to eat!”
We had just arrived at the Guinness storehouse during our Dublin vacation.
You picture vacations as these idealized wonderlands, but, when you have kids, NOTHING goes as planned.
I come downstairs to see a pile of dishes in the sink. I hate dishes.
Unfortunately, I’m in this tough spot where I don’t want to do them and yet I have not yet assigned responsibility of them to anyone else.
Sure, we say its our kids’ job is to unload the dishwasher.
However, it doesn’t happen automatically.
I call to my kids, “Hey, the dishwasher needs unloading”
“OK,” my four-year-old yells, “I’ll do it when I come home from school!”
How does he know how to procrastinate at 4? I know what happens. He promises to do some household chore and then conveniently forgets when he comes home.
“Mom, I can’t do this. I’m scared”
My daughter glares at me from the backseat, ready to cry. I can see it.
Recently, she’s developed a fear of bumpy and windy roads. Every road trip we take, her first question is always, “Will it be bumpy?”
I have no idea how this started or how the fear originated, but man, she can work herself up to the point where she starts feeling stomach aches and refuses to eat.
I’m not picking up my toys for forty-five cents.
Even though it was close to 25 years ago, I remember that chore chart affixed with Disney magnets to our white fridge.
My dad had broken apart every chore in our home, assigned it a monetary value and created this perfectly organized chart.
If I did every chore on it, I would earn $2 a week.
That amount seems small now, but at the time, my 10-year-old self was pretty stoked.
So I scanned the list and decided to start with dishes. I quickly scrubbed the plates, bowls and silverware and placed them in the drying rack. It took me 20 minutes.
Yes! I went back to the list and check it off. Fifty-cents.
Already…I was done with this.
Time for a break.
Fast-forward a week later and that was the only box I completed on the ENTIRE chart.
Looking for a very simple science experiment to do at home with your kids? Maybe you need some ideas for summer or a rainy day. These are the coolest science projects I found that are unique, magical and use only household items.
Not more than 2 seconds after they hop in the car, the screaming begins.
“No, that’s not what happened Erik. My lunch is at 11:35am, not 11:30.”
I brace myself.
“NO SISSY! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT”
And then, WHAP!
He reaches his little arm across the space in the bucket seats between them and hits her.
“Erik, DON’T HIT ME!!!”
That’s when I intervene.
I don’t know how school bus drivers do it. How do you discipline 30 kids when you’re trying to keep safe and focus on not veering your large yellow, monstrosity off the road
I’m in a Toyota Highlander with only two children and I’m ready to lose my mind.
They’re driving you crazy. The yelling. The screaming. Here’s a quick way on how to stop sibling fighting in your home.
It’s the fifth temper tantrum of the morning.
Your son is mad at you because you poured milk on his cereal when he only wanted it on the side.
Your daughter huffs past you in a little ball of rage because her brother is taking all the attention… AGAIN.
And you?
You are fed up.
“Noooo… I can’t do it. I don’t have the time!!”
Have you heard this from your child when she sits down to do homework? My gosh, it wrecks me.
I can feel her overwhelm and so relate to it.
I know what it feels like to have so much to do and what seems like no time to do it.
So, I jump in and try to help.
“It’s ok sweetie, let’s write down all the things you have to do to get it out of your head.”
“NO!” she pouts back, “That won’t help. I don’t know any of this and I have to get started now.”
What do you do with that? You see the problem, you know the steps to take to fix it and yet your child pushes you away like you couldn’t possibly know what she’s talking about or what she’s dealing with.
It was 6:30 AM on the first day back to school last year. I put my hand on my daughter’s fluffy floral comforter and shook her.
Gently, of course.
OK… OK… it was harder this time. Because this was the fifth time I walked into her room that morning to pull her from bed. This morning was close to becoming a chaotic mess.
Vitriol.
Anger.
All seemingly directed at me.
But its not about me. And its not about you either when your child turns on you with the rage of emotions and backtalk.
Picture this.
You come home to dishes piled on the counter, your child’s clothes hamper overflowing with dirty clothes and the dog staring at you. telepathically trying to tell you she’s hungry.
No one else in your family seems to see it.
Your kids happily walk in after school, throw their stuff on the floor and think that the magical cleaning fairy somehow cleans it up.
Why can’t anyone in your family take the initiative to clean up but you?
I get that. I’ve felt that.
It’s not like you haven’t tried either. You’ve tried the pretty chore charts. You even offered to pay them!
But, nothing’s worked.
You may have been making the same mistake I was…
Every week, your daughter tells you of a new conflict with a particular friend at school. You are losing your mind and feel helpless. Here’s how to help your daughter deal with friend drama.
You’re sitting on your couch, playing on your smartphone and you just want to be left alone.
There might be a small amount of guilt lurking under the surface. But not much.
Your kids ask, “Can you play this game with me?”
Nope, not right now, you reply.
You’re burned out. Every bit of energy and motivation has left your body. It disintegrated with that last tantrum or vaporized after your tween daughter gave her characteristic shrug when you asked how her day was.
You’re done and frankly, don’t really see a point in this whole parenting thing anymore.
I see you. I’ve been there.
Ever walk in your house and become immediately overwhelmed with the stuff lying around?
Its bad enough when you have a kitchen junk counter stacked with 3 layers deep with kid’s artwork, random books and those gadgets for your door that you don’t want to throw away but you don’t really know how to install.
But then is all the stuff your kids leave laying in the living room or crammed onto the top of the family room game shelf.
Children can say some pretty hurtful things.
As my kids perused the LEGO aisle in Target one day, I spied on a mom and her little girl.
They were picking out a birthday present and the mom tried to convince her five-year-old daughter to choose a small LEGO friends set.
The daughter agreed, but then… went one step further: she asked for the same set for herself.
“No honey, we’re buying birthday gifts today.”
“BUT WHY??? THAT’S NOT FAIR”
Mom still tried to explain, “Sweetie, its not your birthday. We’re just getting something for your friend.”
“NO. I HATE YOU! YOU’RE THE WORST MOMMY! I DON’T WANT YOU AS MY MOMMY ANYMORE”
Sassiness.
What can I say, sometimes we bring it on ourselves…
I walked into the kitchen this morning where my son was sitting perfectly happy, until he saw me…
Middle school was complete hell.
When my daughter entered sixth grade this year, I was terrified.
I didn’t want her to think it was her fault that other people were mean to her. I wanted her to know how to confront problems and the typical, stupid ways that people would react.
Ways that had nothing to do with her.
Girl drama is one of those things.
As moms, we’re so used to doing things for our kids that we find it hard to sit down and do something for ourselves. How…
My nine-year-old daughter sighed and stared out the car window at the glow of the street lamps. I could hear the annoyance in her voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it”
Ugh… roadblock. And it had been such a tame conversation.
She told me about how the class had to write a lot that night. Writing during dance class? Totally weird to me. So, I asked her,
“What did you have to write during dance class?”
Bam Total shut down. She clammed up. I had asked one too many questions.
“Ok. That’s fine.” I clenched my jaw. I asked one simple question. Why did she have to treat me like this?
Then, she turned me and said, “I’m sorry.” Not a heartfelt, “I’m sorry.” Rather, the apology dripped with guilt and fear that she had deeply offended me and didn’t want me to be mad at her.
Kid movies – that also entertain you as a parent – are almost impossible to find.
There are times when all I want to do on a Saturday afternoon is sit in a dark movie theater with my kids happily by my side.
But usually, that experience starts well and then 30-minutes in, my five-year-old son tells me he’s bored.
Or, I start mapping the plot points in the movie calculating when it will be over.
(Yes I think, here’s the rising action and this is the climax. We have 15-minutes until closing credits)
But, Wonder Park from Paramount Animation and Nickelodeon movies is a film that we all enjoyed. I highly recommend it.
He cried when he opened his present. Actual real tears running down his cheeks.
Nope, not tears of happiness.
To him, Santa betrayed him.
Me? I am not the Pinterest queen.
I hyperventilate when I see those perfectly prepared birthday party spreads. I think of all the work, the planning, the time and I immediately melt down into a this tinfoil stress ball.
It’s too much.
The good news is that to be a good mom you don’t have to have a DIY birthday party.
These simple DIY outdoor pillows take less than an hour to make.
Let’s do crafting therapy and give your porch some personality!
If you dread going to the grocery store with your kids because they seem to make grocery shopping 10000x harder, you’re not alone!
I stared at the complicated chore chart that my dad placed on our refrigerator.
42 cents for washing dishes. 20 cents for picking up my room.
When he first pitched this idea to my 10-year-old self, I wanted to do all the chores immediately.
This was my chance to earn $5 a week. Yes, I could do this!
So, I did the dishes. It took me 20 minutes and I didn’t even get enough money to buy a can of soda. Wouldn’t it be simpler to pull that red can of Coke out of our fridge?
That week, I completed a few boxes of chores from that monster list, collected my $1.15 and then ignored the list the next week.
Soon, the chore chart disappeared.
I’m going to be blunt.
Right now, your child’s homework time just plain sucks.
It does.
You dread it every night. “Hey, have you done your math homework yet?
“NO! I can’t do my homework. I don’t want to do it yet. Can’t I watch TV? I’ll do it after dinner.”
So much back and forth and back and forth. It’s become too much.
The question is, how do you make your child want to do homework?
How do you make homework less boring?
In the corner of my family room sits my daughter’s backpack, dance bag, coat and her backpack from last year that she refuses to throw away.
Oh my goodness. I’ve asked her ten times to clean up this pile.
I feel as if a huge fist is squeezing my stomach. My shoulders knot up.
Deep breath.
NO!! Give that back!”
“I’m looking at it right now, I’ll give it back in a little bit.”
“NOOO!!,” my son screams, “GIVE IT BACK NOW!!”
As usual, I grip the steering wheel and take a few deep breaths. My kids are fighting in the car… again.
You walk in the door from school. Your nine-year-old comes in after you.
Everything seems fine. She’s happy. All is well and good.
Then, you remind her that the dishwasher needs unloading.
Boom. It’s like something inside her detonates.
“Noooo… I don’t have time to do that. That’s so unfair. I can’t believe you’re making me do this!:
She glares at you, stomps over to the kitchen sink and starts crying.
WHA-ATT just happened? She was happy. I didn’t blame her. I just had a simple request.
Want a simple method to get kids to stop fighting and start figuring out their problems like actual human beings? I swear it’s possible. Here we go.
School districts “no homework” policies miss the point.
It’s not that black and white. In fact, the research many journalists cite is frequently misinterpreted for a clickbait headline or to get people riled up.
It’s 6pm on a Thursday and I get a frantic text from a friend. Her daughter goes to the same school as mine.
“Hey, does your daughter have the math test from 2 months ago? The teacher is letting Celina retake it but she can’t find it.”
“Yeah, hold on, let me ask her.”
My daughter does have the test – which she doesn’t hand over right away because she wants to know exactly why she needs it, what it will be used for… third degree basically.
Satisfied with all my answers,she opens her binder to the math section, pulls out the test and hands it to me.
“Thanks,” my friend texts back, “I don’t know what Celina did with it.”
As a mom, I put hobbies on the backburner.
I didn’t know I was doing it at the time. It wasn’t a conscious decision.
It’s the fifth time your son has whined this morning.
The screeching sounds causes every single muscle in your neck to tighten. Your head feels dizzy. Seriously, whining kids could’ve been a form of medieval torture.
You take a deep breath and let it out.
You will not yell.
You will not yell.
You will not yell.
Do you feel like you’re too nice?
One of my students called me out for that my first year of teaching.
In her very astute, wise little fifth grade voice she told me, “Mrs. Crohn, you are too nice”
But wait… don’t you want to be nice? Isn’t that something to aim for?
Kind yes. But nice…nice is taking on the full responsibility of other people’s feelings and adapting your behavior to make others happy.
That’s what I was doing when an 11-year-old called me out.
If you have hard time trying to stop yelling as a mom, please know you’re not alone. You’re not a horrible person – or parent….
In the midst of this strange season of social distancing and change, money may well be a scary topic for you. Maybe you’re like my family and you’re working through a big loss of income due to the pandemic? Maybe overwhelm and anxiety define your money situation in this season of uncertainty? Maybe you’ve decided to keep your head down and eyes closed, playing the “if I don’t look at it, then it can’t be real game” that our kids played when they were little?
“Five more minutes!” you call into the living room.
Your daughter and son are both engrossed in their tablets. They haven’t left the couch all afternoon.
You feel that you have no control over it either – take away their devices and they become complaining, moping monsters.
Finally, the weather that you brag about to your midwestern friends is here!
But so is all the stress of the impending holiday season. While that means a ton of opportunities, it can also mean spending a boatload of cash.
Not to fear. Here are some of my favorite family holiday events in Phoenix for 2018.