How to Get Kids to Open Up: The Simple 2-Word Strategy Every Parent Needs

As parents, we’ve all been there: you ask your child why they did something, and the only response you get is, “I don’t know.”

It’s frustrating, right? You’re left feeling stuck and unable to figure out how to address the situation. But what if there were a simple way to move past “I don’t know” and get your child to open up?

Good news—there is! And it’s surprisingly easy. This strategy doesn’t require hours of conversations or expert-level communication skills. It’s a straightforward 2-word technique that helps uncover the real reasons behind your child’s actions.

Want to watch instead of read?

Why Kids Say “I Don’t Know”

When kids say, “I don’t know,” it’s often not because they’re being defiant. Many times, they genuinely don’t know why they acted a certain way. Children might lack the self-awareness or language to explain their emotions and behaviors.

Unfortunately, as parents, we tend to follow up with “why” questions, like:

“Why did you hit your sister?”
“Why didn’t you do your chores?”

But these “why” questions can feel overwhelming for kids. They can make them shut down further or give generic responses like “I don’t know.”

The Simple 2-Word Strategy

The secret to getting kids to open up? Repeating two words from what they just said.

That’s it. Take two words from your child’s sentence and repeat them with a slight upward inflection, as if asking a question.

For example:

You ask, “Why did you hit him?”
Your child responds, “I don’t know.”
You say, “Don’t know?”

Why does this work? Repeating two words triggers the brain to fill in gaps. It creates space for your child to elaborate, often without even realizing it.

How It Works in Action

Let’s walk through a real-life example:

You: “Why did you hit him?”
Your child: “I don’t know why I hit him.”
You: “Don’t know?”
Your child: “I guess I was just so mad.”
You: “So mad?”
Your child: “Yeah, he kept calling me stupid, and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

From just two repetitions, you’ve gone from “I don’t know” to uncovering that your child was feeling hurt and provoked. Now you have valuable information to address the root of the issue.

Why This Technique Works

This strategy comes from Chris Voss, an FBI hostage negotiator, and it’s taught at Harvard Business School for good reason—it’s effective.

Brains are naturally wired to complete sentences and provide more context when gaps are presented. By focusing on two simple words, you avoid overwhelming your child or prompting them to shut down further.

Plus, it shows your child you’re listening, which builds trust and strengthens your relationship over time.

Bonus: 5 Must-Ask Questions to Get Even More Insight

Want to go deeper? I’ve created a list of my five favorite questions to help kids open up and share more information. These questions are easy to use and perfect for those moments when you need clarity fast.

➡ DM me on Instagram @noguiltmom to get your free copy of these questions.

Final Thoughts

Getting kids to open up doesn’t have to feel impossible. With this simple 2-word strategy, you can break through “I don’t know” and uncover what’s really going on.

The next time your child seems stuck, try repeating two words from their response. It might feel a little awkward at first, but the results will surprise you!

And remember, parenting is a journey. You’re doing an amazing job, and every small step makes a difference.

Want more parenting tips? Check out these related posts: