Podcast Episode 303: Grab the Stupid Cup, Dad! Why Assumptions Keep Moms from Catching a Break Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn Crohn joined here by the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Why hello hello everybody. How are you?

JoAnn Crohn: Where did you?

Brie Tucker: Yes, it is. I was trying to like get it to be seen, but it’s like my room is too bright and it’s hard to see on the screen. yeah, at the Dollar Tree, because I just, that’s my life. That’s my life. I find the cutest little things. And I got it. I’m like, have no idea where I’m going to put it, but I’m going to get it.

JoAnn Crohn: I’m not surprised.

You’re gonna get it, yeah. Meanwhile, I like see those things and I’m like, and that goes away and that goes away. I can’t take it.

Brie Tucker: There is definitely a difference between our decorating style. Mine is buy all the crap and yours is tastefully minimalist.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes, buy the expensive crap.

Like this little vase I have back here, which I really, really enjoy. And a brass asterisk, apparently. Like, yeah, maybe it is a Jack. Maybe it is a Jack, but it’s also, if you look at the No Guilt Mom logo, this is what’s above the eye. It’s like a little asterisk, so it really makes sense right there. I just need to like color it all different colors. So if you guys don’t know what we’re talking about, just go on either YouTube or join us on Instagram Live.

Brie Tucker: It is beautiful. Jack. It looks like a Jack. I think it’s an…. It is. It is! I know, right? I’m like anybody who’s just listening to this and doesn’t get the visuals, it’s so missing out on like half of the fun. Half of the fun.

JoAnn Crohn: Well, today we have a spectacular episode for you. It is going to get, yes, it’s going to get heated in here. Really inspired by a viral clip that Brie found on Instagram, showed to her husband and they very much disagreed on the actions taken. So we’re gonna get into it about.

Brie Tucker: I’m fired up about this one.

JoAnn Crohn: What should mom do? What should dad do in this situation? we want to… Yeah. Well, we’ll go into all of that. So let’s get on with the show.

Brie Tucker: And what does the internet think we should do? Sorry. Does the internet have an opinion on this?

JoAnn Crohn: Okay, Brie, give us the rundown. Tell us about this video that you found.

Brie Tucker: Okay, so my husband and I, love language is like, know, Instagrams and TikTok reels. And one night we’re both doing our little TikTok thing and I see this TikTok of, or Instagram, I don’t remember which, either way, video of this mom, she’s finishing what looks like a marathon race. And you can tell that the dad has the camera and you can hear what sounds like kids under the age of five with him. And I think the dad says something like, look, here comes mommy. And one of the kids goes, my cup’s down there. Mommy can pick up my cup. And then as mommy runs up, you hear the kids say something like, mommy, mommy, get my cup. And mom looks at them for a minute. You could tell, has this face of I am frustrated. And it’s like, hold on.

Let me stop what I’m doing and take care of everybody else first, because that’s what moms do. And she picks up this cup that had gone over the, like, the bystander fencing, I guess gave it back to her kids and then finished her run. Now granted, she was at the end of the run, but still had places to go and kept running away from the kids.

JoAnn Crohn: yeah, because I have to tell you, like, I’ve done races. I’ve done many races. And when you cross the finish line, what you want is your entire family cheering for you, being like, yeah!

Brie Tucker: Yeah. huh.

JoAnn Crohn: That is what you want because then you go into like the finish line stalls and it’s where you get your medal. And this is where this woman was heading. I know she’s going to get her medal. She’s probably going to pick up some food depending on how long the race was because she’s tired. She is exhausted. And those are the expectations. So seeing this.

Brie Tucker: Right?

Yes. So, so let’s just say, did I describe the video pretty well? Okay. So now I have to jump into what happened next. Now, if you listen to the podcast, you know, I love my husband very much and we are on the same page, dare I say the same paragraph almost all the time. But I saw this video and my immediate annoyance was why in the hell did the dad

JoAnn Crohn: Yes, yes you did. Yes you did.

Brie Tucker: not stop the kid from yelling at mom. And I just thought to myself, wow, that is so irresponsible. I’m married to such a responsible man that thinks about others. I’m gonna show him this video and he’s gonna tell me the same thing back. So I show him the video and he looks at it and then he looks at me and goes, yeah. And I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. But if you were the dad in this video, what would you have done? And he’s like,

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: what the dad in the video did? Am I supposed to do something else? And I’m like, you’re supposed to tell the kids to leave mom alone so that she can continue racing. And he goes, or mom could just not pick up the cup because mom has free will. I was livid. I was livid. I was so mad. I like threw my phone down and I looked at him. I’m like, you were married to me and I am telling you that is the wrong answer in the future for me if that were ever to happen.

JoAnn Crohn: You are so mad. Did any…

Brie Tucker: I was like, you tell everybody to shut up and leave me alone. And then you just keep me going. He laughed, he laughed. And he did say perhaps he leans in the direction of autonomy too much because we do have this discussion a lot where things will happen and it’s much smaller levels. And I’ll be like, well, you could have just told them not to do it. And he goes, yeah, but they have their own choices. I’m like,

JoAnn Crohn: How did he take that? How did he take that?

JoAnn Crohn: Hmm.

Brie Tucker: Well, yeah, but sometimes people could use a little bit of guidance. Like, we’ll have this conversation often with my kids. And he’ll be like, well, you know, she chose to do X, Y, Z. And I’m like, but she’s 15 or she just turned 16. She doesn’t know all the options yet. So you should at least help guide her in the direction so that she knows what her options are. And he’s like, well, I guess so. Like, so we…

JoAnn Crohn: Ha. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: He lies very much on the whole, like, people make their own decisions, it’s not my responsibility.

JoAnn Crohn: That’s interesting, I don’t think many women make that distinction. don’t think, because also like kids need to, kids need help. Kids do need help. This child, yes, and this child definitely needed his cup picked up regardless of it.

Brie Tucker: Yes, especially kids under five, they need direction.

JoAnn Crohn: So it’s interesting that Miguel’s like, the autonomy piece. You I didn’t think of the autonomy piece, but I think that’s something that a lot of men do. And it would make so much sense too, in terms of like mental load and stuff, how we’re like doing everything. Like if men see their wives doing everything, they’re like, she has free will. She should do everything. That kind of like explains everything.

Brie Tucker: He sees it so like his so I had to say to him like that’s not that is not being a supportive parent and once I said to him what my opinion was now I’m not saying I’m right and I’m not saying he was wrong because I do think that it it’s a gray situation as we’ll get into as this episode goes on but he honestly he did do what you just did he was like, I never would have thought about it that way and I’m like, yeah like The four -year -old doesn’t know that you don’t just like yell at people to do stuff.

Like they don’t, they’ve never been to a race before. They don’t know that you don’t do this. This is the time where you say, hey, when someone’s running, we’re not going to yell at them. We’re going to let them keep going. and like, when you and I talked about this later, you even have some more great advice about it. But I was just, I was floored. I’m very passionate about this, as you can tell. Like if someone’s watching this right now, like I am jumping out of my seat. I am so passionate about this. So passionate.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. It’s hard for me. I open my mouth and like Anna and it’s because Breeze really really excited I can’t get anything in I can’t get anything in no, but like what you say about like it never occurring to him like this seems to be a theme that I see a lot in my life too because there are things that like we do on as on autopilot as humans that like we it just never occurred to us a different way to do it like for example I was in a teacher conference for my son

Brie Tucker: You can’t get, JoAnn Crohn can’t get a word in edgewise.

JoAnn Crohn: just, you know, typical parent -student teacher conferences. And she was saying something about the brain and how she’s reinforcing to the class, like how, you know, you learn a new skill and it’s like stomping through grass. And the more you practice it, the more that grass gets like put down and broken down so that it’s pretty easy then after a while to do the new skill as a habit, you know? And she’s saying this to me and I’m thinking, my gosh, yes, this is how I teach it.

as well. I teach all those things. I know this already. I know this. I’m trying to get to the next thing. I talk about this with my husband afterwards and saying, and he’s like, I didn’t know what to say in that situation. He’s like, well, what did you want to say? I’m like, something bitchy. I know this already. That’s why I kept my mouth shut. He’s like, or you could have been like, you’re absolutely right. I teach it that way too.

Brie Tucker:  And you’re like…

JoAnn Crohn: And I’m like, I never thought of it that way. You’re absolutely right. I never thought of it. So it’s interesting like how people get so ingrained in their own behavior that it’s not anything malicious on their part. It’s just they didn’t think of it. And I wonder if like the dad in this video just didn’t think of it.

Brie Tucker: You’re right.

Right, because that was your thing too. Miguel was like watching it he’s like, well, the dad’s job was to record. He had to record. He couldn’t stop to tell the kids not to do stuff. And I’m like, he couldn’t stop to pick up the cup. And I’m like, he didn’t need to pick up the cup. He just needed to tell the kid not to bug mom. That’s all that needed to

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah! She didn’t think about it. So this is a two -part situation, I think. So I’m going to give you my take right after this.

INTRO MUSIC

JoAnn Crohn: When I saw this video for the first time about the mom picking up the cup after finishing her race, first of all, I empathize with her because I have finished many a race and know how it feels at the end. And I’m like, damn, she should have gotten some cheers there. Like, I just felt like it was a real bummer for her. And then I saw after she picked up the cup, you could tell the aggression in her voice that she was not

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Right. yeah, she was pissed!

JoAnn Crohn: happy about picking up the cup. was a… She was pissed. She was pissed. She didn’t want to pick it up. She’s like, well, that’s what moms do, stop it. Everything she does for everybody else. And she’s not wrong. She’s not wrong at all. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It is a thing. So the first part of this is like what should have happened at an ideal world. Yes.

Brie Tucker: I’m gonna say she was pissed. She was pissed. She was pissed.

Yeah. No, it’s called the stop and drop. It’s a thing. We all do it.

JoAnn Crohn: The dad should have told the kid, hey, let’s cheer for mommy. She just accomplished this amazing thing. Let’s go go mommy.

Brie Tucker:  I know your cups right there and we’ll get your cup right after we cheer for mommy that kid would have been like, okay

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah! It’s like –

Brie Tucker: His whole problem was I needed the cup. You just had

JoAnn Crohn: And I think people think of that, like they don’t think of that with kids, that how highly teachable kids are. They look at their child and they’re like, my gosh, he’s feral. I’m serious.

Brie Tucker: So many of them are though. that just made me think of another video. I have to send you later

JoAnn Crohn: I see this time and time again. I have a friend actually whose son is in kindergarten and she says that one of the after school workers came up to her and said that talking to her son is like talking to a brick wall. He’s like doing his own thing and like not paying attention to you when you’re talking to him. And I’m like, dude, boys, five years old, he’s so interested in what he’s doing. You honestly with a five year old be like, hey,

Brie Tucker: Interesting.

JoAnn Crohn: Hey, bud. Hey, bud. Can you look at me in the eye so that I know you’re listening to me? I’m here. And when we talk to people, we look at people in the eye. Can you do that right now for me? Hey, problem solved.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, yeah, they don’t, yeah, they don’t get these. mean, and that’s another thing we have to think about. Like, I think honestly, we have to teach our kids a lot more social skills than we had to learn when we were their age, because we grew up in the world where like we were everywhere all the time. Kids do so many things. Our life is so digital now. I’m not even gonna say kids. Our lives are so digital now that

They don’t get those opportunities to learn this stuff. So we have to take more time to pause and be like, they just don’t know it.

JoAnn Crohn: And I also think like kids just need social skills instruction period. Like I could have benefited just from social skills instruction when I was younger. Instead, I remember the preschool telling my parents that they needed to enroll me in gymnastics because JoAnn Crohn was so klutzy that all the other people are scared of her. And I’m like, yeah, it is, it is, it is the same preschool that my sister went to. Yes, I know.

Brie Tucker: Yes, yeah. Is that the same preschool your sister went to? If so, your parents really need to find a new one. As someone who helped run that kind of thing, is an awful preschool.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s awful. It was awful. So instead of actually like dealing with the social skill issue or being like actually curious about the situation, because I think that’s really what gets me is like the curiosity stops. It’s like you see the behavior, you make the judgment against the child and bam, you treat the child that way for the rest of all time, unless you pause and you’re curious and you actually take the time to teach and see how they deal with like instruction in it.

Because most kids, if you’re playing with them and you tell them like directly, they do what you want them to do. Typically.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, so with that being said, that mom could have replayed the situation and instead of doing what she did not want to do, which is stopping running and picking up a cup and handing it to her kid, she could have ran by and even been like, mom’s running right now, can’t pick up cups.

JoAnn Crohn: So that’s the second part of the situation because the first part you know is ideal, what happened in ideal world, but we can’t control ideal world. And I feel like we spend so much time complaining about male behavior in ideal world that we forget that we have control ourselves over the situation. Like one of our Happy Mom Summit guest speakers, Erica Cartlidge, she said this phrase and it stuck with me for all time. So if you have a pen and paper, write this down right now.

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: You teach people how to treat you. And I’m gonna say that again, you teach people how to treat you. Because what that mom did right there is she just did exactly what her five -year -old asked. I mean, when did five -year -olds get in charge? They didn’t. The five -year -olds are not in charge. They’re not in charge. And I say that, and I don’t mean it to shame anybody out there. I wanna say that, no, I wanna say that to reaffirm.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, it’s not meant in a judgment way. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: Five -year -olds are like the terrorists that you don’t negotiate with. There’s no negotiating with terrorists. I mean, that’s something like I keep in my mind all the time with kids. I’m like, don’t negotiate with terrorists. Don’t negotiate with terrorists. When I’m in these parenting situations, because first it makes me laugh.

Brie Tucker: Hahaha!

It is hard. you do need to, sometimes you need to have that perspective given to you because you’re pissed off. You are pissed off and done and you need someone to remind you where you’re at. Like just a reminder, you’re pissed off that you’re losing an argument to a four -year -old. Just want to make sure we’re aware of that. Right?

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, you’re pissed off! Yes. But yeah, don’t negotiate with terrorists. They’re not in the same logical space you are. They are totally like monkey brains. They’re like chimpanzees in the zoo. That’s what they are. Throwing, like in the corner, throwing their poo. That’s what they are. That’s what they are. If you think of your five -year -old in that respect,

Brie Tucker: Right. Slingy Nappoo!

JoAnn Crohn: And then bump him up just a little bit to be like, I could teach him something. I could teach them something. That’s about the level you come in at. And so with this situation, just going into it and knowing that you have control here over how that five -year -old reacts. And I’m not saying you have control before they react. You don’t. But you could come in and correct the behavior. It’s something in teaching you call a teachable moment.

this child just did something that was totally against social norms, made you upset, you could come in and teach them how to do it. And like I would.

Brie Tucker: And could you also teach your husband? I don’t know, just say it. Maybe.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes. Well, exactly. It’s a teachable moment for him as well, because I would have come into that situation probably after running. like, I mean, I have the experience as a teacher. I’ve heard these things. I know these strategies and you are knowing these strategies too, because you listen to our No Guilt Mom podcast. But I come in and be like, my gosh, I can’t pick up the cup because I just finished a race. Can you cheer for me? Go, go, go. And like,

Brie Tucker: teachable moment for everybody. Yeah. Yep.and I can guarantee you that kid would have been like, heck yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: I can’t go, mommy. And if the kid was like, no, my cup, I would have bedded my mind. Okay, I’m gonna go get my post -race massage now that they have those massage tables. Like that’s kind of sucks. But my husband, I think would have also keyed in on that fact. If I said that, he would have been like, go, go. And some kids, that child could have been so fixated on that cup, he won’t cheer. He won’t cheer. And that’s okay.

Brie Tucker: Yeah, entirely possible.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s okay for that time, but I

Brie Tucker: curious though like how many people like just saw it as the expectation was there for mom because dad didn’t say anything. And I, I, well, I mean, okay. So when I saw the video, I brought in my own baggage and my own bias. So my own bias when I saw the video, because again, this is an important point, I think, I think you and I interpreted that video differently. And so, and I definitely know my husband and I interpreted it differently.

JoAnn Crohn: Like, what do mean?

Brie Tucker: So when I saw the video, I interpreted dad not saying anything to the four -year -old and allowing the four -year -old to yell at mom and not even saying no when the mom came over, not stopping mom, not correcting any situation there that that was dad saying, yeah, that’s mom’s job. Yeah, he’s calling for his mom. Mom should take care of it, because that’s what moms do. And that’s…

JoAn: Yeah. I think that assumption is pretty standard. I think a lot of women would assume that.

Brie Tucker: Right. And again, like I’m assuming that because the person I was married to that was not is now, but was that was that mindset. And so I would have been pissed and annoyed and wanted to rub it in his face that I had to do it myself. But, you know, I do think that had I been that mom running and hopefully my teens aren’t sitting there begging me to pick up a cup. But if I was in a scenario where my husband was with some kids and they asked me to pick up a cup. I don’t think I would have assumed he was doing it to be lazy. I think I probably would have taken that moment to pause and teach, but that’s because again, my bias are different with my current husband in that scenario. So when you saw the video, what did you assume? Like, were you assuming that the dad was saying like, not my job, not my circus, not my monkeys, or did you see it as something different?

JoAnn Crohn: It’s true.

No, I was just thinking of it as a teachable moment. You have to teach people how to love you. And so if that was like her first race, nobody probably knew how to react in that scenario. I’ve had many circumstances in my life where I’ve had to teach people how to love me and like even learning myself about how to love me because I remember

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Okay.

Brie Tucker: Okay, when you say it that way, it’s so soft and fuzzy. And that’s like such a better way to look at it than my hate, my rage, than my rage.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, but like…

No, but you trust me. I want to buy like a voodoo doll every day for your ex. But like I say, like every time we mentioned him on the podcast to like something else like the Sabrina Carpenter video taste. Have you seen that yet? you should. Yes, you need to watch that. There’s a scene with some voodoo dolls in there. Anyways, the there’s been a lot of circumstances in my life where I’ve had to teach my husband like what I like and what I don’t like. He

Brie Tucker: No, you guys told me that this weekend. I need to.

JoAnn Crohn: I remember one that caused a lot of conflict for us actually. It was my birthday or it was Mother’s Day or something and he’d completely forgot but he stopped for a card on the way home. And I really took offense to that. I was like, you didn’t think of me at all. And it just came out. I’m like, you did with stop for a card. He’s like, fine, I won’t do anything for you next time. It’s just started a huge fight. And I realized in that moment, I was like, I don’t want.

Brie Tucker: my gosh.

JoAnn Crohn: big gifts or anything. I just want you to know, I want to know that I am on your mind, that I am being thought of.” And he’s like, okay. And he’s taken that to heart. ever since then, it’s been good for like Mother’s Day and stuff. He’ll get me flowers. show me he’s thinking about me by making plans before the last minute. I mean, that’s really the issue there. But there was a little conflict there before I knew that about myself, that that’s what I needed.

Brie Tucker: Right. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: and he knew that about me. And so with the video, there’s probably that conversation that needs to take place of exactly what she needs in that moment instead of him ignoring the five -year -old. And there’s a lot of other interpretations of this behavior other than Brie and my own. And we are going to get into those right after this.

Okay, Brie, our favorite part of the podcast. Brie reacts and gets mad at the internet. Here we go.

Brie Tucker:I don’t let JoAnn Crohn tell me the responses first so that you guys can get the freshness of it.

JoAnn Crohn: The freshest. So what happened is that I took this video and I made a commentary video about it and I posted on TikTok and Instagram and on TikTok it got a lot of views. a lot of people had things to say about this interpretation and they weren’t all G rated. And I think that the comments that are said here are things that

Brie Tucker: G rated.

JoAnn Crohn: exist in our culture and our society that are always underneath the surface, but the people on the internet decide to say them out loud like all the time. So yeah, so it’s worth us talking about them in this way, bringing them to light because I think it’s something that you everybody push gets has to push against. Now I get these comments and I’m like, whatever, I’m not going to listen to them. That’s the only way I can keep my mental sanity on the internet. But here we go.

Brie Tucker:  I know, right? putting my hand up so I can’t see my screen where these are up on. So, okay. That’s the first one.

JoAnn Crohn: Here we go, here we go. So the first one. So the dad gets blamed because your four -year -old doesn’t care about the race and asks mom to help. Okay, keep hating men.

Brie Tucker:  I’m not hating men!

JoAnn Crohn: No, I’m not ready.

Brie Tucker: someone other than themselves!

JoAnn Crohn: No, it’s so funny because it’s like, it’s just like one little criticism of one little circumstance and then it’s put into this broader thing of you hate all men. No, that’s not true. Like I’m married to a man. I have to say that many men are wonderful. But as my daughter reminds me of this statement all the time, it’s not all men, but it’s always men. I mean, has she?

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, not at all. Not at all. It’s not all men, but it is always men.

JoAnn Crohn: Yes. It’s this like, I mean, we have to talk about the patriarchy and just how these expectations are in place. And a lot of men, when this behavior is criticized, will come and like defend it to the death and say, are like she -woman male haters and everything. And it’s just not true.

Brie Tucker: I love her! Wait, can I also just say like, okay, when women say something negative about men, we are the B word, we are the C word, we are like so many terrible things, and yeah, we’re all out to hate men. But when men say something negative about women, we’re supposed to just take it, because if we respond negatively, then we’re back to being the B word or the C word and all of that. And it’s like,

JoAnn Crohn: It’s just, yeah, exactly.

It’s a no win situation right now. So I mean, just, yes, but in regards to that, just keep speaking your mind. No guilt bombs. Just keep speaking your mind. You’re going to get the hate from these people. And you know what? Here’s another thing. If you wouldn’t accept advice from them, you don’t need to accept criticism from them. Would I accept advice from this person? Nope. He wouldn’t be able to tell me anything. So,

Brie Tucker:  It’s okay. Ooh, I like. I like that. That’s a good point.

JoAnn Crohn: Keep that in mind. Okay, here’s one that’s a little fun. It’s from a woman. Stay single, ladies.

Brie Tucker: YES! which then brings up the point. Like we went to brunch on Sunday and we were in Scottsdale, which has, you know, become the bridal Bachelorette party central, man. my God.

JoAnn Crohn: It was totally bachelor party. And we went to this like very girly restaurant that we picked up beforehand. It was called Mon Cheri and Shayna’s like Mon Cheri, ho ho ho. But it is this gorgeous restaurant where there’s like flowers on the ceiling. There’s like an ombre pink roses on the hallway outside. It is gorgeous. It’s gorgeous. And it’s mostly like women, groups of women there, as were we.

Brie Tucker: So fancy. It is gorgeous gorgeous.

JoAnn Crohn: And so there’s bachelorette parties coming up, including a very pink bus called the Champagne Drain. they were, yep, Bree’s holding it up if you’re watching this video. But.

Brie Tucker:  Yep. Thanks for watching it. Love you’re getting to see my pictures. Keep going.

JoAnn Crohn: They were, there’s a lot of bachelorette parties and there was one woman posing outside by the big flowers and the heart. And you know, we walked by and the typical thing you say to brides you see on bachelorette parties is you’re like, congratulations. And I’m here now going like, I cannot say congratulations. I cannot because I do not believe. So it’s so complicated.

I, there’s the, yes, there’s the heart. can, I do not believe this is something that we should be congratulating women for. I wanna go up to this bride and I wanna be like, congratulations and know that you are completely whole within yourself, without a man. And I’m so happy that you’re taking this time to go out with your girlfriends and really have fun and celebrate you. Keep doing that. It does not stop here. It does not stop.

Brie Tucker: What a man. Yes. Right.

JoAnn Crohn: Do this for every birthday, do this for every big accomplishment in your life, do this just because. But this is not your last congratulations event, it’s gonna go on from here. Because I feel like it’s the epitome, like you get married, that’s what I thought. I’m like, ha I’m so special and this is like my day and that’s the most special, bestest day ever. And it’s not.

Brie Tucker: Well, it’s okay. It’s that does make me think of something because my daughter is way into friends right now. Well, she always has been, but she was watching an episode the other day where it was one where the day after Monica and Chandler got married and they’re checking out of their hotel room or the bridal suite and are checking out the bridal suite. Yes. And then Monica’s like no longer a bride, just a wife from now on. I’ll never be a bride again. And it’s like, yeah, yeah. Because like you think that that’s like the top, the epitome. of this thing and it’s not, there’s a lot more, but we digress. We love our hubbies though. Okay, next one.

JoAnn Crohn: There’s a lot more. Okay, here we go. Here’s another one. And I actually commented on this one. I commented on this one. I said, well, this commenter said, what’s funny is if you reverse the rules and the kid asked the dad, he would have gladly picked it up. The mom wants to be a martyr so bad.

Brie Tucker:Try not to look.please tell me what you said back.

JoAnn Crohn: I’m very diplomatic in my comments. I’m like, and yet so many women disagree with you. Perhaps there is something here that you don’t understand and should be curious about rather than blindly giving your opinion.

Brie Tucker: You are. Did they respond back? Of course not, of course not. Because God, mom does not wanna be a martyr. Mom doesn’t wanna be a martyr, but in some cases, mom feels like she has no option but to be.

JoAnn Crohn: No, I don’t know. I didn’t go back and check, but I’m like, there’s so much here. There’s so much here because

Yeah, because she is taking care of the kid all the freaking time. mean, moms do most of the parenting. There’s been several. I mean, even now with like women actually fulfilling more roles outside the home and making more money than men, the women in relationships who make more money than men still have more household duties than their husband and still fulfill more parenting roles than their husband on average. it’s. No, go ahead. Go ahead.

Brie Tucker: Right.And, good.

Well, I was gonna say like, and I think that I wanna be like crystal clear on this. Like, yes, a lot of cases, mom is pushed into a role where she is a martyr. But again, we’re not sitting here just if you have ever listened to No Guilt Mom, or if this is your first episode, like please know, we are not here to complain about it. We are here to just point it out and just this episode should solidify. You should have that conversation with your partner.

You should have this conversation with your kids because you don’t have to be the martyr. You don’t have to do the stop and drop. You don’t have to live that life where like you are second to everybody else in your family. You don’t. And you know what? Your family likes to know. They actually do like to know, like you said earlier, how to love you.

JoAnn Crohn: Mm -mmm. Absolutely. Absolutely.

They do, they do, they wanna make you happy. mean, you have probably seen instances of your kids where they know you’re sad and upset and they will go around following you around being like, mom, what’s wrong? Mom, what’s wrong? And you’re like, I just wanna be left alone. They wanna make you happy. And when we have those conversations with them, then they don’t have to guess. They don’t have to be like, okay, well, maybe I could do this or maybe I can do that or like.

Even as a kid, I mean, I felt like I was just a horrible daughter when I made my parents unhappy. And it’s not my parents fault. mean, they didn’t know that they should communicate these things. They had no models to do that. But being able to tell your kids those things, not putting the burden on them, but being there to like teach them these scenarios is so powerful. And it really shows also to the outside world. I mean, you get comments such as like, they’re so considerate of other people.

Brie Tucker: Right.

JoAnn Crohn: you know, they’re my favorite kid to have in class, like those kind of things. When you do these teachable moments and you make that uncomfortableness because then they won’t make that uncomfortableness mistake again to somebody else outside the family. Exactly. I want to add just one more, which really encapsulates this whole thing. It is a positive one, but it shows exactly probably what mom was feeling in this scenario.

Brie Tucker:  Exactly, exactly. Are we good? we done? Are there any more comments? All right.

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: And it says, would have been sad that was all my kids were focused on, but they’re kids. I would not have picked up the cup. Just keep running and smiling. Just knowing that it’s a complicated situation and we have feelings and you have feelings and you have needs too. I would add to that keep running and smiling that I would have definitely brought it up afterwards. Cause that would have irked me, irked me.

Brie Tucker: Brie’s not the best at keeping her emotions under wraps. So I probably would have been the one that would have, I would have done the exact same thing that mom did when I was in that scenario when my kids were that little, if that had happened. Well, first of all, you never would have caught me running, but regardless, had that happened, I would have been all passive aggressively angry about it and everything. But if it were to happen to me now,

I would 100 % have smiled and just kept on running. And actually, know what, knowing my kids, yeah, yeah. And if it were my teens that did something like that, I would have been like, hell no, pick it up your day himself as I run by smiling, maybe with a middle finger at the same moment, but you have to understand having teens. It’s different.

JoAnn Crohn: and then talk to Miguel afterwards.

Yeah.

Having teens is a different, it’s a different ball game. It’s different. Well, we hope that this episode has encouraged you to maybe have a conversation that you needed to have about something that you were unhappy with having, like happening in your home. And until next time, remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.