Handling Sibling Fights – A Game-Changing Strategy for Parents
Sibling fights are one of the most challenging parts of parenting. One minute your kids are playing happily, and the next, it’s World War III. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t they just get along?”, you’re not alone.
But here’s the good news: handling sibling fights doesn’t have to be frustrating or overwhelming. By using a simple, proven strategy, you can not only manage these conflicts but also help your kids build stronger relationships with each other.
Why Sibling Fights Happen
It’s easy to assume that sibling fights happen because one child is “mean” or “jealous,” but the reality is much more complex. Kids, like adults, have emotions that can be hard to express. When these feelings bubble over, they can show up as yelling, name-calling, or even hitting.
As parents, our role is to guide them—not punish or judge them—so they can learn to express themselves in healthy ways.
Step-by-Step Guide to Handling Sibling Fights
Here’s a game-changing approach inspired by the work of Dr. Ross Green in The Explosive Child.
1. Don’t React in the Heat of the Moment
When emotions are running high, no one is ready to talk—neither you nor your kids. Instead of jumping in with commands like, “Stop calling your sister stupid!” take a step back. Say something like:
“I’m really upset right now, and I need a moment to cool down.”
Separate your kids and wait until everyone is calm to address the issue.
2. Adopt a Curious Tone
Once the dust settles, approach the conversation with curiosity, not judgment. For example, say:
“I noticed you’ve been calling your sibling names lately. What’s up?”
This open-ended question invites your child to share their feelings without feeling blamed.
3. Use Reflective Listening
Kids often respond with “I don’t know” when asked why they act out. Instead of pushing, reflect back what they said. For example:
“You don’t know why you called your sister stupid?”
This keeps the conversation going and encourages your child to think more deeply about their actions.
4. Ask Open-Ended Follow-Up Questions
When your child starts to open up, ask:
“Is there anything else?”
This question shows you’re genuinely interested in understanding their perspective. Sometimes, they’ll share surprising insights, like:
“She always takes my stuff, and it makes me so mad!”
5. Problem-Solve Together
Now that you understand the root of the problem, work with your kids to find a solution. For example:
“I hear that you’re upset about your sister taking your things. How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
By involving them in the solution, you’re teaching valuable conflict-resolution skills.
Why This Strategy Works
This approach works because it:
- Validates your child’s feelings. Kids need to feel heard before they can change their behavior.
- Builds trust. By staying calm and curious, you show your kids they can come to you with their problems.
- Addresses the root cause. Instead of putting a Band-Aid on the issue, you’re solving it at its source.
JoAnn Crohn
CEO/Founder at No Guilt Mom
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