Podcast Episode 304: How to Go from Rejected to Accepted! Your Toolkit for College Admissions Success Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

Eric Tipler: it is exactly what you’re saying, you know, it’s about stepping back a bit, giving them the room to, like, carve out their own space because applying to college is the beginning of the process of, becoming an adult, or at least it’s part of that process. So, allowing them to have their own space, but they’re not an adult yet. Right. And they still need you there.

JoAnn Crohn: Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I am your host, JoAnn Crohn here with the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker: Hello, everybody. How are you?

JoAnn Crohn: So I’m trying some voice dynamics, Brie, cause I was just listening to one of our episodes and I was like, I have a little rasp on my voice that I’m trying to get like rid of. It’s like a I can, you could hear it. If I don’t pay attention to my voice, you could hear like, there’s a little like gravelly at the end. You hear it?

Brie Tucker: Don’t even know, but don’t even get me started on voice. Like, first of all, I’ve already told you, I S I swear. I sound like I have somewhat of a lisp when we’re talking. And then plus

JoAnn Crohn: I don’t think I hear it.

Brie Tucker: like I hear it on the recorded episodes. I don’t know. You guys tell me out podcast land. If I sound like I, I slur it like a lot. I don’t know. But I did have years of speech therapy, so I could give myself that one. But I’m

JoAnn Crohn: I had speech therapy as

Brie Tucker: Oh yeah. Mine was third grade. I mean, it was for third and fourth grade. Yeah,

JoAnn Crohn: mine was like in first and second grade with SI couldn’t do SSS. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: that out as I worked in special needs, like R’s, S’s, T’s. Those are very common, and I had all the common ones. I also had Z’s, because I had S’s and C’s and all that.

JoAnn Crohn: I had the little TCH. I think it’s a digraph. No, it’s a blend. Because you can’t hear the No, it’s a digraph. Digraphs are like combinations of letters that you could hear each of the individual letter sounds, you know, and blends. They like go toge. Yeah. So anyways the TCH, so like witch, it was with

Brie Tucker: Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah, my R’s were like non existent. It would be like, Quown, where are you going?

JoAnn Crohn: You would call me Quone. Quone. JoAnn Quone.

Brie Tucker: See, I sounded adorable

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah.

Brie Tucker: It

JoAnn Crohn: It was very

Brie Tucker: But you know, what’s not adorable? Still talking like that when you’re in college.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah, that’s a good segway because we’re talking about college today. And if you don’t have a teen entering this process yet, it’s going to be still a really great episode for you because just, we’re going to really discuss how the whole application process has changed since we were going through it as teens because It has, and it’s bringing kids so much more stress.

And as soon as you’re aware of this, you’re going to be able to see it in your kids when they get to the stage, if they’re not there already. So Eric Tipler, MA is a writing teacher, college admissions counselor, and author of the new book, write yourself in the definitive guide to writing successful college admissions essays.

He helps families understand and successfully navigate the college application process. Brie, when I was reading that title, I’m like, thank goodness I went to speech therapy for those R’s because I would not have been able to read that. Yeah, I know. So now, we hope you enjoy our interview with Eric.

Welcome Eric to the podcast. It’s funny cause we have you on to talk about college admissions and writing. However, I noticed something when I was researching you and that you’re like a story consultant for Broadway musicals. And you also write musical theater. Tell me about that. Like any shows that We would know

Eric Tipler: Nothing you’ve heard of, sadly, yet. Exactly. Nothing yet. But yeah I studied music in college. I moved to New York City 10 years ago to write musicals. And I’ve done some of that. I also developed a side gig just doing dramaturgy work, helping shows that are trying to get to Broadway. And that’s actually, it’s pretty cool.

kind of related to the book. It’s not kind of, it is related to the book because it’s all about storytelling, right? Which is the same thing that I work with kids on in their college essays. But yeah, that’s another passion of mine. That’s very fun.

Brie Tucker: Okay. I have to ask, which was the chicken and which was the egg? Is the college counseling, did that come first? And then the storytelling and the musical part of it, or did the musical part come first? And it was like, I got to pay the bills with college counseling.

Eric Tipler: It was both actually. So, I studied music in college and I wanted to be an orchestral conductor. And then by the end of senior year, I realized I didn’t have what it took to do that. And also I just didn’t want to, I realized once I realized what the job was

Brie Tucker: that take like sacrificing your life and like, just, you have no social life.

Eric Tipler: Yeah, you have nothing and you’re, you don’t really have a home. If you, if your career is successful, you’re always on the road. And it was just this isn’t actually the life that, that I want. And I come from a Navy family. There’s a traditional public service in my family. And so I decided that I wanted to get back through teaching in public schools.

So I sort of started doing music and then I ended up becoming a social studies teacher for several years. So we went from music to teaching and I was doing a lot of teaching writing then. And that’s when I really got interested and excited about, how do you teach writing? And several years later, I realized I was really passionate about musicals and moved to New York city to do that.

And Yeah, the college admissions consulting and tutoring kids on writing and coaching outside of a public school classroom setting that started as a side gig. Totally. Like that was how I was, you know, paying my bills in New York and it just blossomed into something much bigger. I found that I loved the work.

And, again, I was able, I was kind of doing the same thing. You know, I was, I, during the day I was using storytelling strategies on, My own shows and helping other people with their shows. And in the evenings, I was working with kids on telling their stories. So it just kind of all blended together over time.

JoAnn Crohn: That is cool. It’s funny how like career paths change. Like my husband actually went to college to become a piano performance major

Eric Tipler: Oh, wow.

JoAnn Crohn: got into it. He got into it. He’s like, this is going to take all the joy out of

Eric Tipler: Yes. Yes.

JoAnn Crohn: majoring in physics.

Brie Tucker: Husband of yours is full of surprises. That’s what I was going to

JoAnn Crohn: He’s full of surprises. Yeah. Well, we have,

Brie Tucker: but he majored in physics and was going to be a concert pianist. Like what?

JoAnn Crohn: well, you’ve been to my house. We have a baby

Brie Tucker: I know that, but I thought that was just, I thought he was just really passionate. Like and the man lived in Germany. Like

Eric Tipler: Oh, wow.

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s crazy, but I love how you weave in the storytelling aspect to it. And in terms of like college admissions process, because I remember when I was a senior in high school and I applied to one school that needed an essay, which was USC, and I was just stuck, absolutely stuck on what to write. And now I’m watching my daughter who is a high school junior and she doesn’t even want to talk about college yet because the whole process stresses her out so much. So how is like, how have you seen the college application process change since we were kids? What is it like for kids now? It’s different.

Eric Tipler: that’s a really good question. It is very different. And, you know, work with parents our age, that’s sort of one of the first conversations sometimes have to have is just about how different it is. I’d say one way in which it’s different is the numbers. You know, I got very lucky and attended Harvard in 1995. When I got into Harvard, the admissions rate was 12%. This past year, it was 3.6%.

JoAnn Crohn: Oh my gosh.

Eric Tipler: Yeah, and that’s, you know, every other selective school has, you see similar trends in their numbers. So the acceptance rates are different. A lot more kids are applying to school back in 2019.

1 Million kids applied on the common app, which is the main platform for college applications. By this year, it had gone up 30% to 1.3 Million. So, like, that’s how quickly the numbers of applicants are rising. And also. Yeah, go ahead.

JoAnn Crohn: It sounds also like they, like schools like Harvard haven’t changed the number of people they admitted. Like if there’s more people applying, they just haven’t changed the number of people they admitted. So it’s chances are lower getting in. Right.

Eric Tipler: Exactly. And a lot of that’s about dorms, you know, like at a lot of the private schools they encourage most of the kids to live on campus and they have very specific residential life systems and they just haven’t, you know, Harvard hasn’t built more dorms, I think since the seventies. Some of the public schools have, you know, UVA has a lot more housing than it did in past years. Other schools, some of the larger public state schools have expanded.

Brie Tucker: Okay. So I have to throw in a couple of things here because I have a senior right now. And what you were talking about with the acceptance rates, okay. So first of all, let me just tell you, my senior is my oldest son and he wants to major in engineering, computers, cybersecurity. He’s not quite sure yet, but he’s a tech kid and this will not surprise you.

JoAnn I don’t think knows this. He has a Google spreadsheet that is color coded and he has it like divided by like their acceptance rates their tuition, whether or not they’ve reached out to him yet, whether or not he has to write an essay, whether or not he has to do both the ACTs and the SATs and all of this stuff that he has to send.

And I just, it makes me want to cry. It makes me want to cry. Like, I grew up in, I mean, I graduated high school in 98. I lived in Missouri. We had 13 public universities there. And you know, JoAnn and I live in Arizona. We have three. Public universities. So I felt like, I just, it was so easy. It was so easy to get in college.

And I don’t know if that was because I was in Missouri in the nineties, it was because it was in the nineties, but like the hoops that my son has to jump through now, I feel so powerless to support him. I see him stressed and I don’t want to tell him like. Oh, make your dreams smaller so you’re not so stressed, but at the same time, it’s like, I’m having a hard time figuring out how to support him because I don’t recognize this process. This is nothing like it was back when we were younger.

Eric Tipler: so I wish I could just snap my fingers and fix your situation

Brie Tucker: So do

Eric Tipler: Because it’s so common, right? Like, this is what I hear from most of the parents. I’m talking. To either professionally or just socially they are stressed and they are stressed in large part because their kids are stressed.

And because it’s so different than it was a couple of decades ago, they’re not sure how to best support and be there for their kids. And, you know, two things to say, one, one, I think it’s important to understand we kind of have like. almost two separate admissions systems in the United States.

If you’re not trying to go to a selective school, by which I would say a school where the admissions rate is under 30%, it’s not that different from probably when you were, you know, applying in Missouri. And I’m talking about schools like University of Alabama, which has an 80 percent acceptance rate, Iowa State, which has a 90%, University of Delaware, which is in the seventies.

Those are all Excellent schools, tier one research universities, you’re going to get a great education. You can get a great education at all of those schools. And it’s not that different than it was when we were kids. where it’s different is if you’re applying to the selective schools, which are probably the ones that are populating your son’s spreadsheet.

The, Yeah, that would be the name brand schools, the well known private schools, but also the big flagship state schools like Michigan and UT Austin. that’s where, parents start pulling out their hair because, you know, they see these lists and they don’t know what to do. So it’s a very good question. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: It’s a really like stressful thing for kids. And like, I was wondering actually, when you said that you went to Harvard I was reading Adam Grant’s book, hidden potential. And there’s like so many things that go into a college application that I really want your viewpoint on this too. And that make, you know, The student, like desirable to the university with his situation.

He said that he had an interview and was able to like pull out his magic card deck and like show that he had a skill outside of just straight academics. How much does that matter now for kids these days that they have like a skill that they could show that’s outside of academics when they’re applying to school?

Eric Tipler: So, that’s a really good question. It sort of depends on where you’re applying, but at most of these top schools, you need both. Every 4 or 5 years, the National Association of College Admissions Counselors does a survey of admissions officers to say, what are your top priorities in admission?

What do you look at most closely? And the number 1 thing is always the student’s transcript. What grades did you get and what courses did you take? Did you take the most rigorous courses available to you at your high school? You’re not penalized, by the way, if your high school only has two AP classes and you only took two APs.

You’re not compared to kids who at other high schools who had lots of, It’s really about how to, yeah, that’s a really, that’s a major question, especially from kids from rural areas. What colleges care about is how did you take advantage of the opportunities available to you? And they have a lot of data to look at what those opportunities are.

so the reality is these days, if you’re applying to selective schools, you kind of need both. It used to be that, like, you know, if you didn’t have the grades, a great essay or a card trick or something could get you in. But today

Brie Tucker: wait, like, like Legally Blonde?

Eric Tipler: Yeah, I would. Yeah, that sort of thing. I mean, I can’t 100 percent say that exactly what happened, but like, but yes, like that kind of thing used to happen at these top schools. And, you know, you would have the old Yale admissions officer who was going to take a chance on this kid, like that sort of thing used to happen.

It doesn’t really happen anymore unless there happens to be a large building on the campus with your family’s name on it. That’s like, The only or, you know, you’re a, yeah, or you’re an Olympic level athlete, or you’re being recruited for some kind of sport like that. Otherwise you really, there are just so many kids with strong transcripts applying.

You have to have a strong transcript that’s competitive at that school. And that sort of gets your foot in the door and that gets you to be part of the conversation in the admissions office. And then the next question is, okay, then what would they contribute to our community? So these days you kind of need both.

JoAnn Crohn: Interesting. Well, we’re going to find out, , how you can go beyond that transcript with especially what you write right after this.

So Eric, you have been a writing teacher and you’ve been helping kids actually craft their college admissions essays something that I said before, it brought me so much stress when I had to write mine. So firstly, when should kids get started with this writing process for the essays?

Eric Tipler: So that’s a really good question. if it’s the fall, the short answer is now like, you know, the sooner you start, the better. But in a night high school

Brie Tucker: Yeah. I feel like I, I feel like I read in your book, you have a timeline in there and you mentioned like, if you haven’t started by Labor Day, you kind of need to get going

Eric Tipler: I do. And I would say in an ideal case, the best time to start is late July, early August. When I’m working with my own students, I like to have them going into senior year, which usually starts around Labor Day, obviously varies around the country, but for my students in New York, usually starts around Labor Day going into senior year with a solid draft of the common app personal essay, which is the main essay that you’ll send to most of the schools you apply to and supplemental essays for one school.

So if you start in like July, beginning of August, you have time to do that. That’s in the ideal case. But the reality is, you know, everybody starts at different times. And you know, you just want to start as soon as you can so that you can spend as much time revising.

Brie Tucker: Oh yeah. Out here. Ready for your mind to be blown? Our kids started school July 17th.

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. They’ve been in for a month already.

Brie Tucker: have modified year round here in the Chandler school district in in Arizona. So yeah, it’s. Yeah. I mean, I always love saying that to people from the East coast. Cause they’re always like, Oh my God.

Eric Tipler: that blows my mind.

Brie Tucker: Oh yeah. I hate the 4th of July. Cause by the 4th of July, I’ve only got a week and then school starts.

Eric Tipler: You’re back to school shopping. Wow. Yeah. I mean, Florida start most of the Florida public schools start in August like the second week of August. And that seems early to me. So July. Wow.

Brie Tucker: yeah. I think the latest out here is like that first week, maybe the second week of August. That’s the latest schools we have. It was also at, they started on July 17th and it was 117 on that first day.

Eric Tipler: I was going to say it sounds, yeah, hot. It sounds hot to me, Arizona school in the summer.

Brie Tucker: Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: air conditioned. That’s the like redeeming quality of it all in air conditioning. So when we all applied to schools, they didn’t have the common application.

Brie Tucker: Nope.

JoAnn Crohn: can you like walk us through what is the common application? What do our kids need to have for

Brie Tucker: Yeah. Yeah. Can I just throw in the fact that my kid has to have apps freaks me out. It so freaks me out because I don’t, I thought that was the app. I’ll be honest with you, JoAnn. I heard about it last year and I thought it was the application process. So I thought, okay, well, we’ll download the Common App, because that’s what it sounds like to me, Common App, application. Yeah, no, not at

JoAnn Crohn: It is.

Eric Tipler: yeah, it’s a common misconception that like the common app, what it is and what it does. So it’s a software app, on the internet, on the worldwide web, I guess. And it’s sort of, it’s a clearing house. It’s a national system that. Most of the universities in the country, not all of them, but most of them use it to sort of centralize their college applications.

So, and it actually started when I was applying to college. I remember my Harvard application was a common application, but it was the only one. Harvard was the only one that used it. So it actually wasn’t common at all. It was just like, I had

Brie Tucker: don’t I feel like an idiot? I didn’t realize that, but okay, yeah, yeah, I definitely was no one did. I was not applying to Harvard either.

Eric Tipler: Well, it also wasn’t like it wasn’t a thing back then. It was like I had to fill out separate applications for every other school. So it was like a fake common app at that point. But now it’s real and most schools use it. There’s a couple of exceptions. The University of California system doesn’t use it.

Georgetown doesn’t use it. And MIT doesn’t use it. But most of the other selective and a lot of the less selective schools use it. And the idea of the common app is that Is really great and student centric. the idea is that you should just fill out this one application and then, you know, check a bunch of boxes and it gets submitted to all the schools you want to apply to.

College application process is easy, simple, and done. That’s the idea. The reality, unfortunately, is that. Most of the selective schools require you to answer their own questions for your school and write their own essays for each individual school and what’s called the supplement for that college. So, you know, I’ve had parents think, Oh, well, we just have the kids do the common app and it’ll be easy.

And actually, no, you have to. to sort of really look and make sure you understand what are the essay questions every school is asking. What’s the biographical information every school is asking. It’s all on one app, but it’s actually it’s actually, there are actually a lot of separate applications within it.

JoAnn Crohn: That’s insane. It’s

Brie Tucker: God,

Eric Tipler: is

JoAnn Crohn: insane. So it’s like, I’m hearing you say that and I’m like, so it’s really no different than when we had to apply for all of these different schools. Because you still have to apply for the different schools. Like, all the supplemental questions and everything.

Eric Tipler: for the selective ones. And, you know, some schools that want to get more applicants, and there’s a number of reasons schools would want to do that, make their supplements very simple. So all you have to do is check a box. And a lot of these larger, less selective schools, like the ones I was mentioning with 70, 80, 90 percent admissions rate.

They don’t have as many requirements on the Common App. But for the selective schools the ones that people usually come to me because they have questions about, yeah. And it’s important, you know, like as your son is making his spreadsheet now, it sounds like he’s already doing this, but he should be going into the Common App and seeing, okay, what are the supplemental essay questions for every school? And this is really annoying. It’s insane that I had to write a book this thick about how to apply to college, right? It shouldn’t be that

JoAnn Crohn: insane, yeah.

Brie Tucker: is. It is insane. And like, and I will say like, other part I have going on is that my son is don’t know how to say it, but he likes to do things his way and he doesn’t always want input from his parents. I know he’s an abnormal teenager.

Eric Tipler: An engineer and a teenager who likes to do things his way. I can’t imagine.

Brie Tucker: Right?

What? What are you talking about? Yeah. So like, I don’t even know a whole lot about what all he’s doing. It’s very limited where he’ll let me come in and help. For the most part, I’ve seen my assistants coming in where he’s trying to fill out the financial documents. So he’s like, Bob, come sit with me and tell me how much you make. And tell me this and that, and what’s my social security number again? And I’m like, Oh, you better start memorizing that dude, cause that is your number going forward.

JoAnn Crohn: Not anymore.

So Eric, hearing how our kids sometimes won’t even accept our assistants in this college application process. I want to know like how we as parents can really set our kids up well for college admissions. And we’re going to go into it right after this. So let’s talk about like, how can we set up our kids the best for college admissions in that process?

Eric Tipler: so I think there’s a couple of ways to do it. One is, I think it is important to learn what you can and educate yourself about the process. again, because it’s so different than it was when we were kids. Maybe not to start by the college confidential online forums which can be useful, but a lot of parents find that it’s just more stressful to start going there.

So, you know, Not to plug myself, but like my book, I think is a good starting place. The first part of the book, which is, I don’t know, maybe 20 percent of the book is written with both teens and parents in mind. And the goal is to give you sort of a primer, a background on how the process works, how essays are used in the process and what admissions officers are actually looking for which is sometimes different from what we think they’re looking for.

So I think my book is a good starting place. If you want to do a deeper dive, there’s another great book by Rick Clark, who’s the head of admissions at, Georgia tech called the truth about college admissions. it’s sort of oriented towards families and the last book I would recommend to, if you really want to go deep and like unpack it and find out how the sausage is made.

The journalist Jeff Selingo wrote a book called who gets in and why, where he was actually. Embedded, you know, like a wartime reporter in the admissions offices of several different colleges for a season. And he really writes about what he saw. So, that’s, I think, a 1st step is just to to do some reading about it.

Talking to other parents at your school of kids, a year or two older than yours who have been through the process and it can be a very school specific process. So that can be a great resource for learning more. , and also getting to know your school’s guidance or college guidance office. , maybe getting to know the counselor, just knowing what resources are there and also knowing.

What does that person do? And is it aligned with what your kid wants? And what I mean by that is this, at, a lot of large public schools, for a college counselor. It’s a lot about triage. They like one person may have 250 or 300 kids a year, and they’re not trying to help your kid get into the most, you know, selective college they can.

They just want to make sure that like, All of these kids who want to go to college get in somewhere and get financial aid. well, on the other hand if, you know, like, there are kids in Manhattan who go to private schools where each counselor has 20 kids or 30 kids and they’re all trying to get them into Ivy’s, you know, so you have very different situations.

So it’s really helpful, look at that. And it’s not like, I have never met a guidance counselor that I didn’t think was doing the absolute best and just love the kids and their work. But it’s just a question of like, is what they’re doing aligned with what your kid is trying to do and what you want to do for your child?

Brie Tucker: Oh, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: fair in a way that Manhattan private, educational institutions that they almost have like agents like going for them Ivy leagues where other I mean, I can hear you on that. Like, I can say, so from a parent of a senior right now, and that doesn’t have any other, I didn’t have anybody I could talk to because, my son is the oldest of all of my friends. Kids, so I didn’t have anybody really, and I could, I have a sister who has kids that are older, but they went to a smaller school and they had completely different majors.

Brie Tucker: They wanted to go into. So like, every time I go to her for advice, she’s like, I can’t help you, Brie. It’s not the same thing we had going on, but I can say, for starters that there’s a lot of private resources out there. People like you,

Eric, that like parents can seek out and find and hire To help them get more of that personal and I almost feel like that’s going to be, I mean, that’s going to cost you. less than it costs for the private school tuition in Manhattan.

But, you know, you get a little bit of that. And then, cause I know that both JoAnn and I, our kids go to public school here at our local school district and yeah, it’s hundreds of kids per counselor. And there’s one counselor at my kid’s school that does just college support.

She was introduced to all the parents at the senior meeting that I went to a few weeks ago. And I have to tell you, I have done a lot of the things that you said not to do. I went onto the forums on Facebook and joined the getting ready for college stuff. And all it did was make me feel like I was behind. And it made me flip out. So, and that did not, my anxiety did not help my son. He was like, go away, mom. You’re killing me.

Eric Tipler: And I have to say, of course you did, because everybody does that. And it’s because the process is confusing and there aren’t a lot of reliable, informative sources out there. And so, you did what everybody does. So that’s a completely normal, natural response.

Brie Tucker: well, yeah. And then like, we got your book and I wish I had this last spring. It would have calmed me down because

Eric Tipler: Oh, good.

Brie Tucker: that first section alone, it was such a, I was telling JoAnn, it was such an easy read. Rarely do I have, I can’t say that I’ve ever read another book about college applications that I had a hard time putting down.

JoAnn Crohn: And Eric, this is

a huge, this is a huge compliment. Like you have no idea how big this is because Brie also is very much against reading. She’s, yeah.

Brie Tucker: a huge reader. I can’t sit and.

JoAnn Crohn: say this. Yes.

Brie Tucker: lot. Like I, I prefer my audible books and everything, but in reading your book, I found it so helpful because you were very like, I know you all are scared. I know you think it’s this, but like, one of the big things that really helped me was , you had mentioned in also in the beginning about how this is your college essay is the opportunity to show them. why you are the good fit, they’re not looking for reasons to say why they shouldn’t accept you. Your college application is giving them the extra oomph of like, this is how awesome this person is of their grades. And then I also loved in your book, you have a lot of like, Questions that start them thinking about what they’re going to write about that gives them a lot of that, like brainstorming process, because I know that as much as I love my son, he has no idea what he wants to write about. And all I’ve been saying to him is like, listen, the book says you got to be done by Labor Day and clock’s a ticking dude. It’s almost Labor Day. We got to get going on this, but, it really, like, you have some really good and they’re simple answers, they’re just like, write one word, write one sentence. And taking those pieces really does help, I think, kids to be able to zoom in on what they want to talk about and make it less overwhelming and less scary. So, from one stressed out parent, thank you for your book. It has been very helpful. It has

Eric Tipler: Aw.

Brie Tucker: get a little bit more zen with my son applying for colleges. Because while he has some he’s applying for in state that are like non essays, he’s also reaching for some Ivy Leaguers. And it’s scary as a parent because you want everything to work out well for them, but you can’t help them if you don’t know what they’re going through, if that makes sense.

Eric Tipler: Yeah. And that’s, you know, I’ve heard so many parents say. Almost word for word what you said. And you know, I’m not a parent myself, so I don’t have personal experience of this but I have a lot of friends who are parents. And, you know, one of the things, and tell me what you guys think, because you actually are parents, you know, one thing that I It seems to me that like, as your kid gets older, your job as a parent changes, right?

Like it’s one thing when they’re a baby and then it’s kind of a different job when they’re a toddler. It’s a completely different job when they’re a teenager and now it’s shifting again, right? And, you know, my sense is that and again, I’m not a psychologist, I’m not a parenting expert. This is sort of just based on what I’ve seen.

Work and not work with families over the years, but yeah it is exactly what you’re saying, you know, it’s about stepping back a bit, giving them the room to, like, carve out their own space because applying to college is the beginning of the process of, becoming an adult, or at least it’s part of that process.

So, allowing them to have their own space, but they’re not an adult yet. Right. And they still need you there. And, you know, that’s actually the kind of thing I’ve seen really work is having those sort of check ins of like, okay, you know, I’m gonna let you do your own thing. But if there’s not an essay done by Labor Day, we need to have a conversation about that. And, Decide what we’re going to do because, you know, if you, yeah. So that’s the kind of approach I’ve seen work is like having those kind of check in moments like that.

Brie Tucker: yeah. And especially like, I think a big thing you brought up there that I want to be clear for parents listening, like the whole checking in on Labor Day thing and checking in on his process, that is only to support what he wants to do. I can’t come in, like, we can’t, as parents come in and say, you need to apply to six colleges.

You need to have this, that done. Like, all that does is add that. And I know JoAnn totally agrees. All that does is like pile on the so I’m telling you if you’re, if that’s you And that’s the process you’ve been taking, I’m begging you to take a step back. a step back.

JoAnn Crohn: their own

Eric Tipler: Yeah. The metaphor, and this is actually in the contract of families that I work with privately, I put it into there is that I recommend a student centered approach and what that means, like the metaphor I like to use the student is the captain of the ship or it’s like, That the student, he or she, they are the CEO of their application process and parents, teachers, outside advisors, like me, we’re all the board of directors.

So, like, they’re setting the goals and they’re doing the work and we’re just here to give advice and help keep the ship off course. And also notice if it goes off course, and then do something about it. But yeah, I mean, usually when the parent tries to take the CEO role in this process I’ll just say it usually leads to a lot of friction. Yeah. And. often not the good outcome. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: No.

JoAnn Crohn: Eric, this has been such great tips for parents and especially like those going through the college admission process with their teens. Oh my gosh. Like I know I have to start this soon and I am definitely going to be digging into your book or actually I’m probably going to be handing your book to my daughter and being like, here’s some help. Here’s some help. Let me know where you want me to come in. What’s coming up for you now that you’re excited about?

Eric Tipler: Well, a couple of things. So in one, I would just say a tip I’ve gotten from from people who have used the book this year so far depending on how your family works, try leaving the book out for your kids to find it. So, you know, and then they’ll pick it up and start reading it

Brie Tucker: to it It

Eric Tipler: Yeah, exactly. Even

Brie Tucker: Starbucks.

Eric Tipler: Yes,

Brie Tucker: going to say. Or just put a nice

Eric Tipler: poking out the book. Yes, exactly.

Brie Tucker: Oh, yo, yeah, the gift

Eric Tipler: like that. Yes. So a couple of things I’m excited about. I’m excited about the book, which just came out. I’ve been, you know, it’s based on strategies and techniques I’ve been using for a decade now, and I beta tested it for the last couple years, but this is the first time like there’s actually a book out, and schools and families that I’m not You know, don’t know personally are using it.

So that’s very exciting. And I’m getting lots of feedback from families, which is also really exciting. Another thing is that I just launched a new sub stack. That’s focused on helping parents and especially parents going through this for the 1st time. Understand the kind of things you were talking about, you know, just understanding the calendar as it unfolds, what they should be focusing on this month, what the checkpoints are, and when, they need to take action if things aren’t happening.

So that’s very exciting. And I’m just excited, you know. Every student and every family I work with, I learned something from, and this book is putting me in touch with more people and I’m learning more. So that’s just like really exciting too.

Brie Tucker: I

JoAnn Crohn: That’s awesome. And you mentioned something that you have a PDF for people.

Eric Tipler: Oh yeah. So one of the things I found is that it’s important to know, you know, whatever you’re in high school your student is, your child is there are things you can do to help them prepare for college and that changes over time. So I. tried to put this all into one infographic.

It’s a one pager PDF that’s a roadmap to college. I have that on my website and I think there’ll be a link to it on your website. Great. So if you sign up for my sub stack, you’ll get a free copy of that. And I think some of my students actually print it out and put it over their desks to sort of, you know, stay focused over the years.

Brie Tucker: I will probably print it out today and be like, my son will come home and be like, what are you doing? I’m helping! Being

JoAnn Crohn: I’m helping. Well, thank you so much, Eric, for joining us today and we will talk to you soon.

Eric Tipler: Thank you, it was such a pleasure to speak with you.

JoAnn Crohn: I have to say, after talking with Erica, like I’m a little less stressed for the college admissions process. The whole thing about like, teens are the guiding force for this. Like they’re, it’s their thing and we’re only here to set little checkpoints, I think was very helpful.

Brie Tucker: Oh, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn: Bri? I know you were really stressed about it with everything coming

Brie Tucker: Okay. Well, after the interview, we sat and talked to him for like a good 10, 15 minutes, just because I was like, I, I’m so excited when I can talk to somebody that can make all the little pieces come together and make sense. And also tell me I’m not being a terrible mom. I’m not way behind.

It’s it. I know that that’s crazy. but you know, like he said, those forums. They are dangerous if you’re prone to anxiety, they are dangerous because people will give you so much information and they’ll be like, you’re child’s a junior and you don’t even know what colleges they’re going to go to

JoAnn Crohn: Oh, I know.

Brie Tucker: And you’re like, well,

JoAnn Crohn: at that.

Brie Tucker: crap, I didn’t know I had to have like that all done. And so anyway, like it. it’s not as scary as it sounds, but it is definitely like he said in the interview, more competitive than it was when we were younger, the Holderness family. I’m going to put a link in the show notes.

Oh, as we’re recording this, they just recorded a video and they put it out of like applying for colleges in the nineties and playing for college now. And I was laughing so hard. Cause I’m like, that was me in the nineties of like, I don’t know, I’ll go wherever here’s my handwritten application. I’m going to send it off to two colleges cause I’m bound to get it in the two of them.

And my son is doing like six and like, just hoping that a couple of them work out the way he wants. So

JoAnn Crohn: Yeah. Yeah.

Brie Tucker: I highly suggest Eric’s book to anybody like we’ll have a link for it in the show notes. I felt like it was very well written, very hands on, very interactive and an easy read. And it really, as a high anxiety mom, it helped me feel relaxed.

JoAnn Crohn: Awesome. Awesome. Well, we hope that you enjoyed this episode and remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we will talk to you later.

Brie Tucker: Thanks for stopping by.