How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids: A Simple Strategy That Works
Parenting can be tough, especially when your emotions get the best of you. You’ve been there — your kids do something that pushes your buttons, and before you know it, you’re yelling. Then comes the guilt and frustration. But what if you could stop yelling and take control of those moments?
Good news: You can. I’m sharing a simple yet effective strategy called Circle Thinking that will help you break the yelling cycle, understand your triggers, and create a calmer, happier home.
Watch instead of read:
Why Do We Yell?
Yelling often feels automatic like your emotions take over without warning. That’s because yelling is often a habit—a deeply ingrained reaction to stress or frustration. The good news? Like any habit, it can be changed.
The key is to reflect on your reactions after they happen, identify the thoughts and emotions that led to them, and shift your mindset.
The Circle Thinking Strategy
Step 1: Reflect on the Trigger
Think about what happened right before you started yelling. What was the situation or event that triggered you? For example, maybe your kids complained about dinner after you spent time preparing it.
Step 2: Identify Your Thoughts
Once you’ve pinpointed the trigger, ask yourself, What thoughts went through my mind?
For instance, you might realize you were thinking, They don’t appreciate all the work I do for them.
Step 3: Recognize Your Emotions
Your thoughts fuel your emotions. What emotions did you feel because of those thoughts? Perhaps you felt unappreciated, disrespected, or even like all your effort was meaningless.
Step 4: Reframe Your Thoughts
Here’s where the magic happens: Replace your unhelpful thoughts with a more positive, helpful perspective. For example, instead of thinking, They don’t appreciate me, you could think, They’re kids, and they don’t fully understand how their words affect me.
This small shift in perspective can change how you feel — from anger to understanding — and ultimately change how you respond.
Step 5: Identify Patterns Over Time
Each time you reflect on your reactions, you’ll notice patterns in your triggers, thoughts, and emotions. Identifying these patterns helps you anticipate and manage challenging situations before they escalate.
As Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne-Bryson say in The Whole-Brain Child, “You have to name it to tame it.” Naming your triggers and emotions is a decisive step toward breaking the yelling cycle.
Get Your Free Circle Thinking Strategy Guide
To make this process even easier, I’ve created a free guide that walks you through the Circle Thinking Strategy step by step. It’s a handy resource you can use anytime you need a reminder.
👉 DM me on Instagram @noguiltmom with the word CIRCLE, and I’ll send it to you for free!
Why This Works
When you identify and reframe your thoughts, you create space for new, calmer responses. Over time, you’ll find yourself yelling less and feeling more in control, leading to stronger relationships with your kids and a more peaceful home.
JoAnn Crohn
CEO/Founder at No Guilt Mom
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