I’m a parenting coach: Here’s what I tell women when their husband drops the ball
Ever feel that when your husband or partner drops the ball, it’s your job to pick it up?
…especially when it concerns your kids?
Last week, one of my coaching clients told me about her husband’s birthday.
As part of his present, he and their son went to an Imagine Dragons concert on a Sunday night.
Their son wasn’t feeling well Monday morning and decided to stay home from school.
As he descended the stairs into her office, he asked her, “Mom, did you call in my absence?”
Now, she could’ve easily pulled out her phone and dialed the attendance line, but she didn’t.
“Why?” I asked her. We had been working together for a couple of months and she felt like stuff like this fell on her lap all the time – so I was extremely curious.
“Calling the school is my husband’s responsibility, not mine.“
Oh my goodness, I was so proud as her coach. I almost fell out of my chair.
She calmly told her son, “Nope, that’s your dad’s job.”
Sure enough, she found out that he hadn’t called her in, and guess how she responded?
“That’s not my problem.“
It was his task, and she let him handle it.
Isn’t this not being helpful?
If you’re a people pleaser by nature, you get this.
Perhaps you were told to help others as a child, right? I think that message was drilled into us from a very young age.
Case in point: The Giving Tree gave everything of itself until it was nothing but a stump.
That’s the mentality that Gen X and millennials grew up with.
So if you feel resistance to this “It’s not my problem” statement, that might be why.
This calls for boundaries.
It’s so freeing and seems a little rebellious when you begin to set boundaries.
You might feel like you’re doing something bad.
And yet… you kind of like it.
When we constantly step in to fix everything, we’re over-functioning, and it takes away the chance for others to step up and learn what’s needed in a situation.
As a parent coach, I want you to make this rule when it comes to your partner:
Refuse to automatically pick up the ball. Instead:
- Encourage your child to communicate with your partner and
- Wait until your partner reaches out to you for help.
My Challenge For You:
So, here’s my challenge for you this week: find one thing you can let go of.
Maybe it’s a household task, maybe it’s an errand, or maybe it’s just the mental load of having to remind everyone about everything.
Whatever it is, let someone else take it over.
Step back.
Feel a little naughty.
And if they don’t do it perfectly? That’s okay.
You’re practicing “letting things go,” and trust me, it’s some of the most worthwhile practice you can do.
Tell me what you plan to let go of in the comments below.
JoAnn Crohn
CEO/Founder at No Guilt Mom
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