Podcast Episode 336: Passwords to Predators: Internet Safety Tips for Every Parent Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

JoAnn Crohn (00:01.004)

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn joined here by the lovely Brie Tucker.

Brie Tucker (00:08.553)

Why, hello hello buddy, how are you?

JoAnn Crohn (00:12.076)

We have such a great episode for you today We always have a great episode for you. Like we’re excited about everything that we bring you I feel like I say that every episode so I just have to acknowledge that

Brie Tucker (00:17.695)

We do!

But we do say that if you agree with us, then I would say you share this episode or you rate and review us. Like if I just had to throw that out there, because we do think it’s pristine. It’s a pristine episode. I cry. I am choking back the tears in this episode. It is that serious.

JoAnn Crohn (00:32.812)

Yes.

Please.

JoAnn Crohn (00:41.014)

that it is true. If we could ask you to share it with a friend or go and review us on Apple podcasts, it really would mean the world to us. Every time we get a new review, it is pasted on our team Slack. We are like, I’m happy for at least a good hour on Cloud9 afterwards that somebody has taken the time out of their busy day and sat down and wrote a review. And it all, it is.

Brie Tucker (01:04.711)

It turns into a full-fledged jazz hands..

JoAnn Crohn (01:09.656)

but your reviews are so important for the show as well because they tell Apple podcasts that, people like this show, we’re gonna show it to more people. And so we would really appreciate it. Today, we’re talking about keeping your kids safe online and it’s not the typical conversation that you hear out there about all the devices and all the gadgets and all the monitoring and everything like that. No, this is the no guilt mom perspective and we are so excited to be joined by…

Fareedah Shaheed, she is an award-winning internet safety expert and a Forbes 30 under 30 honoree. She founded SAKUVA and the Protect Kids Online PKO membership with the mission of helping parents protect their children online. Through her background in cybersecurity awareness, threat intelligence, and online gaming, she has developed a unique approach called the SAFE method, which she teaches us in this episode, to teaching internet safety to parents by centering on the need for safe spaces and connection as the foundation to protecting kids online. And we hope you enjoy our interview with Fareedah.

INTRO MUSIC

JoAnn Crohn (00:38.882)

So you are an internet safety expert and you do not have children, but I have to say to our audience right now, the story Fareedah is gonna tell you about why she does what she does is so, powerful and really like brings you so much credibility in this field, especially when talking to our kids. So how did you get into becoming an internet safety expert?

Fareedah (01:03.516)

I mean, there’s like two sides, right? I feel like I’m Marvel now. Dun, dun, dun. There’s two sides to story. There’s like the professional side, know, superhero cape, I don’t know. And you’re working in cyber security, threat intelligence, like working with internal external clients talking about protecting data in a firm. And then I did that for a couple of years. And while I was doing these sessions, people would come up to me they’re like, you look a little young.

Brie Tucker (01:07.825)

Hahaha

JoAnn Crohn (01:07.95)

Ta ta ta!

Fareedah (01:29.596)

you look, you know, I feel like you could tell us a little bit more about what’s going on in the gaming world. And it kind of gave me flashbacks to what I went to. And I was like, I don’t know if I want to talk about that. And I eventually started speaking more about my story because it was so important. And I felt like it resonated with people. And that’s when I started my business to help parents protect their kids online. So I got my first phone at 13 years old. I started with like the Nokia phone and I was playing those like snake games and

I had spent so much time convincing, yeah, it was so great. It was awesome, honestly. And I spent so much time convincing my parents that I would be kidnapped if I didn’t get the newest smartphone that was coming out because it takes too long to hit the emergency button and by then they will lose their only child and what is their life anymore?

JoAnn Crohn (01:58.717)

Come over to us.

JoAnn Crohn (02:17.698)

That is, yeah.

Brie Tucker (02:19.367)

parent who has crazy anxiety, wow. I mean, wow. But I don’t think that you’re that off base. I think there’s a lot of kids that do that, but I would be like, here you go, kid. Everything.

Fareedah (02:19.832)

you

Fareedah (02:24.69)

I really went in. really would. I had an old presentation.

Fareedah (02:33.458)

you

JoAnn Crohn (02:33.635)

Yeah.

Fareedah (02:36.806)

like, okay.

JoAnn Crohn (02:37.838)

Well, I also think there’s a lot of parents who are so scared of technology and so scared of things happening to their kids that, of course, that works. that, like, yeah.

Brie Tucker (02:43.528)

Yeah, yeah.

Fareedah (02:46.754)

it worked. I don’t know if it worked the way that I did it. I don’t know if they came to a decision on their own after I talk. I don’t really know what happened the back end, but I do know that six months later, I got my phone.

Brie Tucker (02:55.4)

I’m telling you, yeah, yeah, yeah, you hit the, you hit the nerve right there on that one. Yeah, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (02:57.39)

Yeah.

Yeah

Fareedah (03:01.106)

I like, you know, and we were in a different country too in the middle of the desert. So it was like, did the whole thing. I made it like a movie. And so they gave it and they said, okay, sure. But like, don’t talk to strangers. Don’t download random things. Don’t tell people where you live, your name. Don’t give them the photo. And I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh, great. Give me my phone. And once I got the phone, I was like, my God, this is a portal. Like I always loved reading. I loved learning about different cultures and languages and the internet was the same way. And so all of the rules that my mom

And my dad had told me, just kind of went out the window. was just like, yeah, whatever. They don’t understand the online world. And I started gaming online and talking to strangers. And I met people that were phenomenal. Honestly, we’re still friends till this day. Married, went to divorces, children, miscarriages, moving countries, moving jobs. And then also, there are people that were not good for me. And I did not know that that’s what they were as a kid. They were just my friend that maybe made me.

me feel uncomfortable, made me feel like, like, this is just maybe not good. But yeah, that just happens with friendships up and down. I didn’t realize that okay, someone who’s talking to a 30 year old 13 year old when you’re 40 years old, saying thanks to me asking me things is not a good thing. Like that’s grooming. I knew it intellectually. But in the moment, you’re just like, like whatever, they’re just trying to flirt or have fun. Like, let me move on. And I got myself like three years into having a double life.

because of course my parent did not know that this was happening. Like I was, they would check my phone and I would delete the apps. Like I was hiding everything. And three years into my career of being just all over online and doing whatever I wanted to, I had met someone in online gaming. By this time I was 16 and they were around 40 years old. I can’t remember when I knew that their age, but I think it was into the middle of us talking. And we had formed like a really great friendship and we started to have feelings. And I was like, cool. Like I’m going to go.

JoAnn Crohn (04:31.161)

Yeah.

Fareedah (04:53.086)

Visit my friend. Let’s go talk to let’s go meet each other for the first time at a park And so I had planned that entire thing and I’m very secretive like if I don’t want something someone to know something I just that’s how it was as a kid and I had this feeling though that something was off and something wasn’t right I couldn’t eat I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even drink water. I was feeling nauseous. I just felt like you know Maybe I should just tell my mom that I’m meeting him. I’m not asking for permission Like I’m just gonna tell her I’m meeting him

And I was thinking of moving in with him. And if she gives me a problem, then she’s right. Maybe I should just move in with him because he’s the one who understands me. He doesn’t judge me. He doesn’t care that I am a gamer, that I’m a nerd, that I’m a geek. He’s going to accept me. And so that’s my mindset then. And so I had like.

JoAnn Crohn (05:38.469)

And Fareedah for everyone in podcast land, Brie is currently freaking out. She has her hands over her mouth. She is like, yeah, she’s like, yes. it’s your head. Yes. Keep going.

Brie Tucker (05:42.877)

trying not to cry. my God. Okay. Okay. Well, you’re here, so that’s a start. So keep going.

Fareedah (05:50.542)

Yes, I’m alive. Thankfully. And I knocked on my mom’s door and I just said, Hey, like, you know, obviously, she knows that I was going to visit my friend. So it wasn’t weird that I was packing my bags. I just told her, look, I’m also planning to meet someone I met online. And she’s like, okay. And I said, you know, we kind of like each other. We’ve been speaking for a couple of months. I’m just telling you where I’m going to meet him. And I just want you to know in case something happens to me. And I was like about to leave the room. Like I didn’t really I’m not having a conversation. I’m just telling you what’s happening.

And so she was like, I thought she was going to freak out, which is totally justified, to be honest. Like I thought she’s gonna be like, who is this guy? Like, let me show this picture. How did you meet him? Why would you be talking to me? thought you’re not supposed to talk. You like the whole thing. And she did it though. And I was so surprised. It shocked my system as a teen. I was like, why is she not reacting? So I was kind of like confused. And it was like a cliffhanger as a kid where you’re just like, huh, like she’s not having the reaction I thought she was having. And she was just like, okay.

Brie Tucker (06:21.324)

my God.

Brie Tucker (06:33.406)

Right.

Fareedah (06:47.718)

So like you met him in an online game, like what’s his name? What do you like about him? And I genuinely felt like I was speaking to my best friend. And I felt like so safe. And it was so weird because I didn’t expect to feel that way. I thought that there was going to be like some clashing. And she just made me feel like I could talk to her about anything. So I told her all of the details. And thankfully, I mean, she knew she knew not to push too hard because I was still private. So she didn’t ask to see his photo. She didn’t ask to see our texts. She kind of like left that part alone.

And after talking to her, I was like, wait a minute, she actually does care about me. She’s not trying to control me. She’s not trying to judge me. She’s not saying you’re a horrible person. She’s not saying, why didn’t you not listen to me? I felt good. And then I remembered my feelings when I was with him and I was like, he was asking me to do things that I was not comfortable with. He was like, sometimes he would belittle me. Sometimes be like, like, you know, people your age. I’m like, well, why are you talking to me like somebody else? So I remembered those moments where I felt like, this doesn’t feel safe.

And it was in contrast to what mom was saying. And so at that moment, I was like, you know, I’m not going to go meet him. Like, I’ll go meet my friend and I’ll spend time with her over the weekend. But I don’t know if I want to meet him anymore because this feels better to me than what he makes me feel sometimes. And that changed my entire life. So ever since that moment, every single time I talked to somebody online, whether it’s a friend or not a friend, when I was going to meet somebody, I eventually did meet people from online games, but it was very safe and the most safely possible.

Brie Tucker (08:06.633)

Mm-hmm.

Fareedah (08:12.934)

I told her everything and she was always clued into all of the red flags and that is why I started what I started today because I know how it feels to be a kid, be groomed online and things to turn out in a way that’s not good for you.

JoAnn Crohn (08:26.252)

Yeah. It’s well, what I love about your story is because so much right now for parents about keeping kids safe online is about, get this app, get this app, lock things down. Don’t let them have access to these things. And knowing just from our research and my experience, like the experience like I’ve had, like it doesn’t work with kids. Just like you said, like you were go around it. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (08:26.499)

my god!

Brie Tucker (08:40.2)

huh.

Brie Tucker (08:49.863)

Because you guys are smart. Yeah.

Fareedah (08:51.91)

Very too smart. But we’re all smart. That’s my thing is like you don’t have to be tech savvy to keep your kids safe. My mother in that circumstance, a lot of mothers look at her and they’re like, my God, she’s like the ideal mom. Like, my God, she had the greatest reaction. And when I asked her how she was feeling, she was like, no, my entire world was falling apart. Like she, her marriage is falling apart. She just got a divorce from my dad. We moved from a different country. She like, she had to get a different job. Like her entire life, everything she thought that she was doing perfect was falling apart.

the one piece that was keeping her together, which was me, was also falling apart. And she was like, my God, like, how did I miss this for three years? Like, I didn’t know this was going on. Like, how did I get to the point where she felt safer to be with somebody online? Like, this is crazy. So in her brain, she was like, this is the last conversation we’re having. And she knew I was a very headstrong kid. So she knew that nothing she said was going to sway me. So she was like, okay, what’s the last conversation I want to have with her? I clearly have lost her. I clearly failed as a parent.

Brie Tucker (09:44.958)

Yeah.

Fareedah (09:49.99)

So like, what’s the one thing I could tell her to make her remember that I love her? even when she goes, she was convinced that I’m gonna go see him. And I was honestly, she was like, even if she goes there and he does abuse her, cause she knew that he was going to based off of obviously the circumstances and the statistics there. So she was like, so at least she could understand that she has this place to come back to if that were to happen. Cause she knew that she couldn’t like control me. mean.

Brie Tucker (10:06.057)

The statistics there, yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (10:06.436)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (10:17.475)

Yeah, yeah.

Brie Tucker (10:17.545)

Well, I right? Like that, think unfortunately that is something that it’s that, that, fallacy that we can control everything and that the harder we bring things down to control everything, the more our kids are going to listen. Don’t you think? Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (10:34.988)

Yeah, and it doesn’t happen that way. Well, after this break, Fareedah, I want to talk more about what you see parents are doing wrong in terms of keeping their kids safe online. And we’ll get to that right after this. 

So I wanted to bring up something that happened at one of my kids’ schools that went out on the parent group chat. And I want to hear your thoughts on it, Fareedah, because there was like this all alert among this moms group chat. And let’s say it is all moms. And it was that one of our one of the kids in the such and such class introduced our students to OnlyFans.

in the classroom. Free’s about to spit on her water.

Brie Tucker (11:53.736)

my god!

JoAnn Crohn (11:57.728)

Apparently.

Fareedah (12:01.095)

my god.

Brie Tucker (12:02.921)

Well, elementary, right? Or no. Okay.

Fareedah (12:05.178)

Elementary?

JoAnn Crohn (12:06.774)

Yeah, middle school. It’s middle school. It’s technically middle school, but it’s in an elementary school. It’s sixth grade. And they’re like, you might want to have conversations with your kids because I don’t think anything really like explicit was seen, but some of the poses were suggestive and you might want to talk about pornography and online pornography and everything.

Fareedah (12:09.154)

I was gonna say.

Fareedah (12:15.196)

Okay.

Brie Tucker (12:28.145)

you saw… Wait, I’m sorry. All I can think of is how everybody like the big spoof that everybody has an OnlyFans account for feet. And so all I can think about is the kids saw perfectly pedicure toenails. Sorry. Sorry. Go on. I know that’s not all that’s on OnlyFans, but still.

JoAnn Crohn (12:43.874)

purposely pedicure toenails, but like

reaction in this group was, lock it down. What apps could we use? I use this app to tell me everything. I use this app to tell me everything. So what are your thoughts on this?

Fareedah (12:59.774)

okay, again, two different thoughts, right? So I have like the security hat, which like a lot of parental control apps are not safe for your kids. I think we talked about in the summit. So yeah, so like y’all just definitely go check out the summit and actually like listen to the whole all the interviews, not just me, but other people. But like, you have to be mindful of that because not all apps are safe. And then the second part is and the reason being is I’m gonna go back to that the reason being is because predators can also be hackers. And they have

JoAnn Crohn (13:02.499)

Okay.

JoAnn Crohn (13:09.284)

We did talk about that in the summit, yeah.

Fareedah (13:27.576)

access and tools to hack into the app to see what your kids are doing. So everything you’re monitoring your kids on, they can monitor your kids on if the company doesn’t have good security. And this has happened before and they have hacked and leaked a lot of information about kids. So that’s something that I’m really mindful of when it comes to third party monitoring apps. And I’m like, Ooh, you’d be really careful in that end. And then the second part is that, I mean, you can monitor everything and your child could be like still hiding their entire life from you.

Brie Tucker (13:46.441)

Hmm.

Fareedah (13:56.562)

There are kids who have like a second phone that’s connected to the neighbors Wi-Fi and the parents like I locked down everything and I thought they’re gonna have a fit and they were totally fine. I was like, that’s is that’s a red flag because that means the right Right, right

Brie Tucker (13:56.669)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (14:07.332)

Red flag!

Brie Tucker (14:09.235)

It’s a warning that things don’t react the way you thought they would. There’s possibly an ulterior motive. Okay.

Fareedah (14:15.516)

They’re like, okay, yeah, sure. You’re following me on Instagram. I got like a different Instagram account, like they don’t care. So.

Brie Tucker (14:20.796)

yeah, I know that, geez. How many Instagram accounts do you think most teens have?

Fareedah (14:27.218)

a minimum of two. Like, I don’t know if they can handle a lot more than that. think I’m not saying they can’t, but I feel as though they’re more interested in having a variety of different experiences than having many different apps. But teens change. mean, honestly, it does depend on your child and how they use it. I did have social media as a kid, but I didn’t. Social media wasn’t first of all, Instagram really wasn’t a thing yet. And so it was really mostly Facebook and people are, of course, in my space and like.

Brie Tucker (14:39.143)

Yeah. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (14:48.199)

Yeah.

Fareedah (14:54.034)

people and forms, a lot of forms and Kick, I was on Kick a lot. Kick was a huge thing. Different groups. Yeah, that’s like those messaging app and I was on that all the time. Like that was my favorite thing. And I was in many different other things. Kick has given me so much trauma. have like, I have a lot of trouble with Kick. Like I don’t even, I don’t even.

JoAnn Crohn (14:59.044)

I don’t know of kick.

JoAnn Crohn (15:03.757)

Okay.

Brie Tucker (15:11.983)

Is that like, is that kind of like discord?

JoAnn Crohn (15:12.676)

you

Fareedah (15:14.99)

Yes, it’s kind of like Discord, it’s less. I’ve been on Discord since it launched to Discord has way less trauma for me than kick kick. would say it’s just a less under. I don’t I don’t really know how to explain it, but it’s it’s not as robust. It’s not as robust and Discord started for gamers. So that’s how I got on Discord because I’ve been gaming for all these years. So like Discord start off for gamers. And then when the pandemic happened, of course, they switched it up and they’re like, cool. Like, let’s have.

Brie Tucker (15:20.252)

Uh-huh.

Brie Tucker (15:28.495)

where you’re going like less okay okay

Brie Tucker (15:35.72)

you

Fareedah (15:43.546)

all the every type of subject inside of Discord. So I use Discord for my gaming side, but also for my business side too, which is like kind of cool.

Brie Tucker (15:47.397)

Okay.

Brie Tucker (15:51.401)

I

JoAnn Crohn (15:52.59)

Cool, yeah, so I see a lot of drama associated with online usage and especially among parents. And I feel like a lot of the drama is due to some misinformation about what’s going on in the apps and also not knowing exactly how to talk to kids to keep them safe. One of the big pieces of drama is Roblox still. And Roblox did have a huge problem before.

Can you bring us up to speed on where Roblox is at now and what parents should be aware of?

Fareedah (16:24.314)

not team banned Roblox unless you personally believe you need to ban it in your household. If you see your child’s character changing, the words that they’re using changing, they’re like, it’s just their personality is just morphing into what they see on YouTube and Roblox, then by all means, like take a break, see how your child is doing. If it’s better than like keep Roblox off, give them an alternative game. However, the drama around Roblox to me, it’s only because they’re the biggest platform. And what I see is the

the conversation we have around it and the large scale is, I believe, doing more harm than good. And the general scale is actually doing well because it’s making sure that Roblox putting more safety controls to keep kids safe. And so they’re trying. Obviously, they’re not going to do a perfect job. Obviously, they’re missing a lot of marks, but they’re also doing a lot of great things. So it’s a very nuanced issue. The second part is that, like, to be honest, it is the Internet. And any time there’s an online game and you have kids, it’s never going to going to be it’s not going to be great.

Brie Tucker (17:05.801)

Mm-hmm.

Fareedah (17:23.282)

You just if you want your kids to game in a safer environment, it has to be offline. That’s point blank period. There’s no way it can be online and it can be safer. Now, if they’re like not they have absolutely zero ability to chat. If it’s like a Minecraft private server or something, it’s better. So it really does depend on the child. But what I see people doing is they’re making so much ruckus. Is that the right word? I don’t know if ruckus is right word, but there’s a lot of like drama around Roblox, right? And people are like, I’m pulling my kids from Roblox.

JoAnn Crohn (17:46.107)

yeah, I think it’s ruckus.

Fareedah (17:51.632)

and they pull their kids on Roblox and their child installs like a random mobile game. I’m like, that’s literally the same as it’s worse actually. It’s worse because they don’t have like millions of dollars to invest in a safety and security and privacy and child safety team. They don’t have parental controls. It’s an out open world. So these parents are like, great. Like my child is on a Roblox. They’re on a mobile game app that I looked at the reviews and it looked good. And I’m like, I mean, as someone who’s met a predator on a mobile game app.

Brie Tucker (17:57.661)

Hahaha!

JoAnn Crohn (17:57.984)

Yeah, it’s worse actually.

JoAnn Crohn (18:18.926)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (18:22.199)

It’s not, yeah.

Fareedah (18:23.215)

It’s not, know, like, I don’t really, I don’t know. I don’t know. But I still am like it. also believe that you’re the expert in your child. So if you truly believe the Roblox is it’s no, then it’s a no. Don’t listen to some random internet safety expert, me, when your gut feeling is telling you something else. I always say like, I will give you what I know from working with thousands of families and working in corporate and being a victim of this myself.

Brie Tucker (18:24.055)

You’re like, I don’t know how else to say this people.

JoAnn Crohn (18:32.932)

Mm-hmm.

Brie Tucker (18:38.768)

Right.

Fareedah (18:48.742)

And you take that information and you take the information that you know about yourself and your family, your child, and then you come up with a solution that’s best for you. Because again, we’re in the no guilt mom mode, right? That’s number one. Number two, you have experiences that can protect your kids on gaming apps. You don’t need to know more than your kids are Big Tech savvy. What you went through as a teen, as an adult, what you go through now will help you protect your kids from predators. You don’t need to know the latest slaying, the latest app, all of the parental controls.

keeping up with everything. Like you just keep up with yourself and your kid. That’s enough. That’s good. I’m not saying that to make you feel better. I’m literally saying that because that’s the way you protect your kids online. I firmly believe.

JoAnn Crohn (19:28.452)

It’s all you need. Yeah. I mean, like my son uses Roblox a lot. And I have to say like all of the drama around Roblox, it infests you as a parent thinking that you’re making the wrong decision and you’re completely harming your child for life. And that like somehow, I mean, and I know logically that’s not the case, but also like all of the chatter when you have it around you, you can’t help but, but you know, have it sink in.

Brie Tucker (19:53.192)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (19:55.95)

But Fareedah, you have a method which like, I love an acronym. I love a good acronym and it’s safe. It’s called safe and we’re going to get into it right after this.

So we’ve talked so much about what parents may be doing wrong, keeping their kids safe online. So now let’s switch into what they could do. And you have a method called safe. Let’s go through that method real quick. So tell us what it is.

Fareedah (20:22.754)

It’s my favorite. So it stands for safe spaces, accountability, fun and empathy as the guideline, the foundations to keeping your kids safe online. So safe spaces is creating a safe space within yourself. So all the work you’re doing with self-regulation, breathing, taking a moment, self-care, therapy, whatever inner healing of your childhood wounds or trauma is that is safe spaces for yourself.

Because when you give that to your inner child, it’s easier for you to give it to your child. I experienced that firsthand as someone whose mother did that and that changed my entire life. That’s the only reason why she was able to keep it together at that moment. And then you’re able to give that safe space to your kids so they can come to you and talk to you about anything. And you say, I’m not going to be mad at you if you tell me anything. And that goes into accountability. And so if you say you’re not going to be bad at something, when they tell you something, you can’t be mad. But when you get mad and when you scream at them and when you do something stupid, you go back and apologize. Honestly, I think parents messing up and yelling and screaming or doing something they’re upset about is the perfect thing ever. I’m like, this is great because you’re showing your kid that it’s okay to have a range of emotions and then you can come back and be like, hey, I apologize. Like I’m a human being. I had a feeling, I had whatever and I care about you so much and I shouldn’t have done that because I’m so happy you’re talking to me. The fact that you’re here and you trusted to even tell me about this means a lot to me. So thank you.

I hope you give me grace. I’m giving you grace. I know that you make mistakes online. I make mistakes as you can see as a parent. Just like be super transparent. I know someone told me they’re like, yeah, but that’s so hard because I have to be an authority figure. I have to be perfect. If I’m not perfect, then I’m not a good parent. And so I know that I know a lot of people in the summit, a lot of speakers will be speaking about that. And I know that you have a lot of podcasts on that. So that’s a kind of…

JoAnn Crohn (22:07.308)

It’s not, like it’s when you started talking about that, like I am tearing up because like that is the method that I parent with, but having you said it, like I would have loved for my parents to come to me and say that. Like I don’t ever remember getting an apology as a child for an outburst or anything like that, because that’s just not how it was in the nineties. It was always the kid’s fault and parents emotions were always like,

correct and right and it’s no wonder I acted this way. It’s because you did this and there was just none of that vulnerability or apologies. So much so that I think a lot of us have learned to close off our emotions as adults and really had to do a lot of our own work to start getting them out again and start feeling like we could be vulnerable with people and admit our faults and admit our mistakes. So like, I love that. It hits me hard when like that hit me hard.

Brie Tucker (23:05.383)

Yeah, same here, especially like I know we’re only a couple letters in but the the part about how my god, I lost my train of thought never mind just just read delete everything I just said never mind It was something she said that made me think about Audrey. I know now. Okay, sorry When you talked about the part about how you can you know If you tell your kids that you’re a safe place and that they can come to you and not get mad

JoAnn Crohn (23:19.874)

That was…

Brie Tucker (23:34.845)

that you have to hold that. my God, having been through that, like we have our word iguana and when that came through on a text message one day and having to be chill during all of it, because I promised that would be a safe space. And then, you know, it’s not, so I wanna say that to people. Like one thing that you brought up is that,

When you give your kid the safe space, that doesn’t mean that there is no follow up to it. It doesn’t mean you guys don’t discuss it. It just means in the moment, I am not gonna berate you and make things so much harder on you. Like we’re gonna get through it together and then we’re gonna find out what happened. But yeah, that is a hard one to be to like the amount of breathing that had to happen that night was insane. We’ll just say that.

JoAnn Crohn (24:26.167)

yeah. So you mentioned the S of save. What about the A?

Fareedah (24:31.388)

So that’s the accountability that’s like saying, if you say you’re not gonna be mad, then you’re not mad. And when you’re mad, you apologize because you’re going to, you’re gonna mess up. And then the fun part, I believe is the most underrated way to keep your kids safe online that most people don’t do. And it’s way simpler than the safe spaces and accountability, but with schedule and mental health and all of that, sometimes it can be a little bit challenging, but it’s having fun. So it’s playing the game with your child.

JoAnn Crohn (24:38.542)

Got it.

Fareedah (24:58.01)

If your child wants to show you what they built on Minecraft or what they’re doing on a Roblox, like look at it. If they’re talking about Roblox or wanting a Robux or some event that’s happening in Fortnite, lean into it. If you can’t at the moment, you can say, hey, like after dinner, before bedtime, when I’m dropping you off to school, just like those moments, let’s reconnect. I can’t talk about it now, but I can’t wait to talk to you about it, even if it’s like nails on the chalkboard. And then you’re remembering like what’s important to them is important, just period. if it’s, that’s fun, it’s fun.

And if they’re on social media, like if you find a video that you think they’re going to like to save it in a folder to share it with your child, and then you just have a moment like, Hey, I found a video on TikTok. I think you’re going to like our YouTube or Instagram. And I just want to show it to you. So that’s adding fun. And, and the E is empathy, putting your self in your child’s shoes. And also honestly, really, it actually starts with empathy for yourself. Cause I get so many parents who message me like, but I don’t think I can do that because I’m not.

Like I don’t know enough or like they don’t respect me or I ruined the trust or like giving yourself empathy, like treating yourself how you want someone and you want yourself to treat your child. Do that for your inner self first and then having empathy for your child’s online experiences. So you can’t protect your child in a world that you don’t know. And I think everyone knows that, but everyone defaults to a, need to know the entire world. I need to know AI, need to know machine learning. I need to know the newest app. I need to know the newest slang. And I’m like, well,

Has your kid come to you and says skibbity bop or skibbity boop or whatever they’re saying these days? Like skibbity, skibbity toilet, skibbity something. Like if they didn’t say that to you, then you don’t need to know it. But if you hear them say it, you can just like do a quick Google. You don’t have to repeat it because they’re like, okay, please like get out of my face. But you can at least know it because they know it. You don’t need to know if they’re not saying it. If they don’t care about Fortnite, then you don’t need to anything about Fortnite. But the moment they have any interest in it, then you can look into it.

Brie Tucker (26:28.605)

Hahaha!

JoAnn Crohn (26:29.38)

Skibbitty, skibbitty toilet, skibbitty toilet. Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Fareedah (26:53.084)

So it’s like giving yourself empathy, but also that’s how you know your child’s world and seeing, understanding that the way that your child experiences the world is valid. So what goes on online is their real life. So instead of thinking their online life isn’t real and the real life is their real life, it’s like all of it is real life. Just one is offline and one is online.

Brie Tucker (27:10.141)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (27:12.738)

Yeah, it’s funny that you, there’s two things like you said in there. First of all, the nails on the chalkboard for the fun thing, because sometimes that’s how I feel when my kids want to show me something online and I’m like, this is not funny. And I’m like, so like, I’m like, I could not sit here through this. And I’m like, time to breathe. I cannot play Mario Kart right now. Like it’s funny. My son asked me to play Mario Kart and like, I, I negotiate with fun stuff. Cause I think that’s important that they know me as a parent as much as I know them.

And I’m like, hey, I, why are your carts not my favorite? Do you know like a story based game we can play? Like I love like paper Mario or like something where you have to achieve things and do levels versus like driving all around. but yeah, it’s, hard to just sit there and like have fun. sounds so sad.

Fareedah (27:41.98)

Yes.

Brie Tucker (28:04.039)

because you know what else, depending upon how old your kid is, when you’ve got the younger, you got the elementary or the pre-teens, I think the hardest part is that they like love beating the crap out of you in a game. So like not only do you like fall into a hole in Minecraft and not manage to find your way out, they will never let you forget that and they will keep telling you how bad you are at the game not talking from real experience or anything, but you’ll play Mario Kart over and over again because they only want to play with you because they could only beat your pants off. Like it’s you’re the one that is the worst. So it’s like, gotta be you mom. Yeah. So bye.

JoAnn Crohn (28:32.132)

Yeah, I know.

Fareedah (28:33.277)

Of course.

JoAnn Crohn (28:44.74)

Well, and the second thing I wanted to comment on is the whole language that kids use. Like I asked for interpretations all the time. I am like, I am not familiar with this term. Tell me this please. Especially to my 16 year old because she gets it. But like even my 11 year old, I’m like, tell me what does this mean? Because they do, they use a lot of language, but it’s okay to ask questions and they’re usually willing to explain. Yeah.

Fareedah (28:57.138)

I like, what does that mean?

Brie Tucker (29:09.98)

It is.

Fareedah (29:12.21)

Yeah, they can be the Google. mean, you know, they use you as Google, so you might as well use them as Google too. Like, what’s that? Translate this, please. What is that going on?

Brie Tucker (29:18.057)

True that. Yeah, Google Translate. What’s that mean? Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (29:18.241)

Yeah. You can translate exactly. Well, Fareedah, tell me something that is exciting that is happening for you in your life.

Fareedah (29:30.646)

was personal, professional? Where are we going?

Brie Tucker (29:32.861)

Both! Yeah!

JoAnn Crohn (29:33.502)

Anything you would like. Anything that’s exciting.

Fareedah (29:36.652)

Well, we’re going to two sides now. So the professional side, I’m excited to like revamp my membership. going I’m creating it based off of my real personal experiences. So when I first got into field, I was just like, what do parents need to know everything about protecting your kids? And I hear all the resources and I’m like, scrap that. We’re going for the heart and soul. Like, what do parents really need to know? What are kids really going through? And based off my personal experiences, what can you do step by step to keep your kids safe from predators and hackers and

Brie Tucker (29:59.795)

Right.

Fareedah (30:05.244)

whether they’re on social media, online games. So that is something I’m daydreaming about all day, creating all day. I’m so excited about that. And then in my personal life, I am becoming way more like holistic in how I’m operating. know, when you’re, when you have your business and your life and everything, hard to like juggle everything, but I have gotten more back into my health. So I’m excited to be like working out. I decided maybe the next 30 days I’ll work out every single day and see how that feels for the first time in my life.

So that’s been really exciting. I’ve been doing like Pilates and many different things, sauna, infrared energy. That’s like really cool and fun. yeah, just getting to know myself and making sure that I’m giving myself a lot of love through this time. So those are two things that I’m excited. I’m still gaming till today, so gaming. I love gaming.

JoAnn Crohn (30:51.204)

That sounds amazing. Well, thank you so much for joining us here. like, if you want those resources, Fareedah recommended resources on how to keep your kids safe online, go check out our Happy Mom Summit. We are going to be opening up registration in February. So make sure you keep an eye out for that here in No Guilt Mom World. And we’ll talk to you later, Fareedah.

Brie Tucker (30:55.535)

Gosh, I love that!

Fareedah (31:18.748)

Thank you for having me.

Brie Tucker (00:02.094)

Okay, that was a very emotionally stirring episode for me. mean, she managed to pinpoint so many experiences I have had with my kids and the moments where you question yourself. I know that my kid’s dad takes a way more lock it down approach than I do. And yeah, and I…

JoAnn Crohn (00:27.539)

Mm-hmm.

Brie Tucker (00:31.478)

She at least listening to her story makes me feel like I have hope. Because that’s the method we’ve gone with, right? Is like, let’s connect, let’s be curious. And yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (00:35.891)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (00:41.898)

That’s how it is. I mean, based on like, because your kid’s dad has the lock it down approach, I mean, they probably don’t realize, didn’t realize at first rather, that all like, you didn’t agree with that approach. Because the lock it down approach makes you as a child become very secretive, hide a lot of things because you don’t want to get in trouble. And

I think like that’s what you saw a lot, but you don’t probably see it a lot these days with your kids.

Brie Tucker (01:16.084)

No, no, I don’t. I think that part of it too. So having a 16 and almost 18 year old at this point, I would say, first of all, my kids use the internet and their smartphones in two different manners. But with all that being said, I check in, I ask my questions and I have seen

the results of it, of them sharing things with me that I’m not sure if they share with their dad necessarily because they know that I work hard to make it a safe place. I work hard to get that S. I work hard on the accountability of remaining and keeping that safe place for them. you know, just being accountable for that. I try to make it fun. I don’t as much anymore. I’ve given up a little bit on that.

JoAnn Crohn (01:54.483)

Yes.

JoAnn Crohn (02:11.05)

the funny videos. My daughter does tend to curate funny videos for me and my interest. So that’s that works really well. But like creating a safe place is so important because like you cannot possibly prepare your kids for everything that they are going to run across online. Like you can’t just sit down and be like, we’re going to cover this, we’re going to cover this and, then you’ll be prepared. You really need them to feel safe coming to you when they have an issue. So like last night,

Brie Tucker (02:17.742)

Okay, the videos, yes, yeah.

Brie Tucker (02:28.589)

Right.

JoAnn Crohn (02:39.548)

my daughter was trying to get Sabrina Carpenter tickets here in Phoenix. And well, but I haven’t even told you this part of the story. So she comes into my office and she’s like, mom, okay, I know this is probably a bad idea, but I messaged someone on TikTok who said they had Sabrina Carpenter tickets and they’re really, really good and I need your help. And I’m like, okay, cool, cool. Let’s see what’s going on with this. And…

Brie Tucker (02:44.33)

the story. Go on.

JoAnn Crohn (03:05.82)

It was interesting how the whole thing unfolded because they were texting her on her number and I’m like, okay, I will you need to watch this conversation. They said they were a teenage girl on TikTok, by the way. And on this account, the teenage girl had posted like actual photos like of herself and my daughter could not see anything wrong with the account. And I didn’t see anything wrong with it either.

Brie Tucker (03:16.494)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (03:33.05)

And so for this whole process, we’re like, okay, there’s a Ticketmaster tickets. So let’s do the whole thing through Ticketmaster. And Ticketmaster doesn’t make it very easy to transfer tickets like through a sale directly to you. But they’re like, yeah, here, we’re gonna transfer them. And if you could just send me the money via Apple Pay. And I never pay anyone messages through Apple Pay before. And my daughter, because of her age restrictions, she couldn’t get on Apple Pay. So I took over the transaction.

And as I was looking up and stuff, it says like on Apple Pay, you only message the money to people you know, because there’s no protection. And I’m like, ooh, I don’t like this. And so I’m asking them questions. I’m like, yeah, can we use like Venmo? Because on Venmo, can use my Amex and Amex offers fraud protection as does Venmo. No, can’t do Venmo. I’m like, And then they initiate this transfer. And it’s so interesting because

Brie Tucker (04:13.827)

Yeah.

JoAnn Crohn (04:30.782)

Like they’re like, okay, I started, I transferred you to the tickets and I’m looking at her ticket master account. Nothing is showing up there. And I’m like, nothing’s showing up. And they’re like, you got an email and you get this. And there was this email that looked like ticket master. when you click on the link, the domain link, like they did a real good job. The domain link was mail ticketmaster.com instead of ticketmaster.com.

And that was my first one. I’m like, does Ticketmaster do it like this? I don’t think it does. There’s nothing there. And so I’m asking all these questions and she’s very excited because they’re very good seats and everything that this person is saying, like looking back, you’re like, that was meant to make us feel this way. And that was meant to make us feel this way. In the end, I was like, I’m not going to do Apple Pay. And if you can you do Venmo? And they’re like, nope, no Venmo. I’m like, okay, well, this isn’t going to work. We’re going to step back.

And I’m absolutely sure it was a scammer. Like absolutely sure that money would have been gone. But it’s making those safe spaces. Like I didn’t, I wouldn’t know to prepare my daughter completely for that situation unless she made me part of the process because scammers use different techniques all the freaking time. Like it is constantly changing and you really have to logically process it through. So safe places.

Brie Tucker (05:30.092)

Yeah. Yeah.

Brie Tucker (05:41.272)

Yeah.

Brie Tucker (05:50.904)

They do. They do. I just loved speaking to her about everything. It does make me feel a lot more cozy and comfy about things. if you loved everything you heard, we have a link in the show notes below to sign up for our Happy Moms Summit wait list for when it opens up, because like you said, registration opens up soon. If you sign up for the waitlist, we’ll send you an email the minute those free because it is a free online event.

JoAnn Crohn (06:32.89)

Yeah. So if you’re right now in January, want to focus on your health, come join us over there. And until next time, remember the best mom’s a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Brie Tucker (06:44.6)

Thanks for stopping by.