Podcast Episode 322: Is Your Child Really Behind? Busting Myths About Developmental Milestones Transcripts
Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.
Teaser: And I really just thought she was lazy. So I remember telling my pediatrician, what he told me was there is no child that it’s lazy. There isn’t a child that decides they don’t want to move. There’s something that is causing them to want to be still. And at her nine months, you started working with her and doing what I call purposeful play. And within six weeks, she now was crawling and pulling the stand and taking steps. And I was like, holy moly, I’m going to build a business off of this.
Welcome to the No Guilt Mom Podcast I’m your host JoAnn Crohn with my co-host, Brie Tucker.
Like it rained on my birthday, which most people would think is a bad thing, but I was like, heck no. It brought us down by like 30 degrees and it has been beautiful. I’m wearing like, I know that people in podcasts say I can’t see it, but I have my pumpkin spice top on to go with the fall. It’s all the fall. It’s all the fall. Well, today on the podcast,
We are talking to Dr. Emily Heise and Dr. Matt Ottoman. They’re the co-owners of Kinnactive Kids and they’re pediatric development experts. They’re a globally renowned pediatric intensive clinic that combines physical therapy and chiropractic care to help children reach developmental milestones. And I know me in particular, I’m going to be asking them tons of advice about my niece who is five months old and what like developmental milestones to look for. So
We hope you enjoy our interview with Emily and Matt.
INTRO MUSIC
Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast.
Emily and Matt to podcast we are so excited to have you here. And I’m excited to dig into all like this developmental milestone stuff because honestly, like my my youngest is 11. I had concerns about him when he was baby stage two years old. And I know that you just have a wealth of information. So Emily, I really want to start with you because you have a personal story about
Why you got into this, can you share that with us? Yes, by trade I am a pediatric physical therapist and I’ve been treating, gosh, 15, 16 years and I kind of stepped away from treating when I had my oldest daughter, Hannah, and then after a year, right at a year, I found out I was pregnant with Heidi. And so then I stayed home a little bit longer.
But with Heidi, when she hit around the nine to 10 month mark, I always knew something was kind of up with her. She had a really terrible acid reflux and that was causing some delays in her development. It caused her to not want to be on her tummy during tummy time. She would throw back. took forever for her to finish a bottle. And so it wasn’t until about eight months that she even started sitting independently. And as a pediatric PT, was like,
something is going on. And I really just thought she was lazy. So I remember telling my pediatrician, I think she’s just lazy. And what he told me was something that really has stuck with me after starting the business, which is there is no child that it’s lazy. know, there isn’t a child that just decides they don’t want to move. There’s something innate that is causing them to want to be still and be static.
So with that, I kind of started trying to put the pieces together and it really was the acid reflux that caused a lot of tightness in Heidi’s body. And so for 20 minutes a day, right at her nine month birthday, I just started working with her and doing what I call purposeful play. And it’s just simple activities that you can integrate into your everyday schedule that can enhance motor development, cognitive development, things like that. But 20 minutes is all I could do. Cause after that I was gonna like cry myself because she was like losing her crap. And so with that, I added in chiropractic and within six weeks, literally six weeks, she was moving out of that sitting position that she had achieved at eight months and now was crawling and pulling the stand and taking steps. And I was like, holy moly, I’m going to build a business off of this. And I, with that, want to have a platform to where I can educate other parents that
It’s okay if some kiddos need to jumpstart and that’s when I started Instagram and that’s kind of organically grown over the past couple of years to almost like half a million followers. So I just love educating and helping other mamas not be so stressed with development. That’s an amazing story, like an amazing transformation that you were able to help your daughter with that. And I’m sure you’ve seen such results with, with other kids too, that you’ve worked with in your practice. And I’m interested to dig into that a little bit more. The first list meets Matt and Matt, feel like
We really need to touch on your previous career experience as a baseball player. So like you played for the Mariners. Tell us about that and then how you got into your current field. That seems like a jump.
I don’t know that many professional baseball players that I can say I personally know that are chiropractors. Well, and especially not in PEDs. Yeah. So my name is Dr. Matt Otteman. I’m the chiropractic arm of Connective Kids. Yeah. I did not want to be a pediatric chiropractor. I played baseball. Actually, I was in Peoria over at the Mariner facility down the street from y’all. Loved it there. And my whole life, I just wanted to help people move better. Like I loved working out.
And just wanted to help athletes become professional athletes or get a college scholarship. So I kind of went down that track of let me get in the gym. Let me write these exercise programs, do personal training. helped start a gym in New York. And then I was like, well, I don’t really want to lift weights for other people anymore. So I need to figure out what else I can do so that I can still have autonomy and I can make these programs. And so it either PT or chiropractic. And I really love some of the aspects of chiropractic. So went to chiropractic school and the whole time in school I was like, well, I’m just gonna work on athletes. did not take, well, there’s like extra pediatric courses that you can do, but there’s, mean, you get like a semester of a course and that’s basically what you’re given in school. Fast forward to, I reach out to Dr. Emily on Instagram, because I have a five month old at the time back in 2020.
And I loved her idea of purposeful play. So as a new parent, I was like, well, I’m going to play with my kid. Why wouldn’t I want to do it in a purposeful way? And, she probably thought I was crazy for reaching out to her. Like you want what I was a chiropractor down the street. I like, I really just want to work together. Like, I think we could really do some great things. And so fast forward a little bit. She sends me some of her like.
toughest cases and I realized like she’s testing me. She wants to see like how good I am at doing what I’m doing. We just kind of saw that really by combining chiropractic and PT in a really purposeful way. We just started to grow and grow and grow. And now here we are co-owners of a practice in Southlake that’s thriving. And like she said, we’re very passionate about our, we are changing the way the world treats their kids. And we do that by leading by example in our brick and mortar.
So we have people come from all over the world to work specifically with us. But then we’re only two people and we have a staff here that can only do so much. So then our next passion is we want to educate and empower other clinicians and parents to take control and be a part of the change that so badly needs to happen. That’s amazing. So let’s dig into it. Parents who are listening right now who aren’t even sure if their kids have a developmental delay or if they should be concerned about it.
What are some things that you typically look for? What are some things that parents should be aware of when it comes to their kids and if like they need to have this intervention happen? Yeah, sure. So first and foremost, we have a great free resource on our website, Kinactivekids.com and it is a gross motor checklist and that’s going to go all the way from birth to five years old. So that’s number one. Number two,
You have to kind of look, we have these gross motor milestones that kiddos should hit, but it’s like a sliding scale, one way the other, at least by one to two months. So it may say rolling should occur at six months. It may say a child should be able to skip or ride a bike at five years old, you know, but just know there’s a lot of leeway when it comes to it, but to have a baseline, it’s always good to know because if you are lacking or, know,
going behind by three, four, five months, then you know that’s kind of a red flag that something could be going on. So I think that’s the biggest thing that we try to educate parents on is, yes, there some resources out there, they are available for you, but again, moms kind of know we all have that intuition. I know I did with my own daughter where you’re like, that doesn’t seem right.
So those are just like a guide to kind of help lead you in one direction or the other. And then just talking to your pediatrician. And then after that, if it’s something that like takes rent in your head for more than a couple months, then I would say it’s worth going to get extra education. It’s not going to hurt anything getting a PT eval or discussing it with your pediatrician. Yeah. I like that advice you have though, that like if something takes rent in your head for more than a few months, because I know that
When your kids are growing up, it is such a nerve wracking time. And of course you might be dealing also with lack of sleep on your part and you don’t know whether something is an issue or whether it’s something that you’re making bigger in your head. So for like instance, like my son didn’t really talk more than like a word or two until he was a bit after two years. And I was worried about him and my mother-in-law is like, no, like my son did this too. And everything turned out fine and it was all good, but
It was that sense of overwhelming something is wrong with my kid that I could not really get over. So what advice would you two have for parents who have this overwhelm when their kids are showing these developmental delays right after this? So we were talking about how parents can feel overwhelmed with their kid when they have a concern that there’s like a disability or a delay going on. And I also wanted to ask on that because I feel like that is something that is both very prevalent and not as prevalent because of COVID. I feel like a lot of parents that had a COVID baby, and Matt, I think you got me because like, what did you say you had a five month old in 2020? So when it’s your first kid, and you had your kid during that lockdown timeframe, you may not have that community that other people have. How do you figure out like JoAnn was saying, am I making this too big in my brain because I don’t have that community?
to compare my child to, or maybe I do have just like one or two other kids that I know and I’m like worried that things are, my kids should be doing so much more. My sister’s kid was doing this by that. My mom is concerned that her best friend’s granddaughter can do X, Y, Z. Like how do you help parents with that? Like where do they go? Yeah, there’s a lot to digest with that question. And I think it’s, there’s multiple levels to it. So.
I’ll kind start us off and Emily, when I, anything you want to chime in and go right ahead. But, I think one thing to just touch on, like the gross motor checklist, I think is very important, right? Well, all we can do, especially in this comparison society with social media and things is empower ourselves with education, right? So the gross motor checklist, like she was saying, I mean, there’s a million of them out there. We like ours pretty good. We’re a little biased, but everything that’s on there, it’s not.
Like she was saying, this huge red flag, you’re just looking for, it gives you a guideline to, this is about when they should be doing these things. They should be trying to do these things at this certain time. Clinicians use it as a tool to look at the neurology of how the child is developing. That’s why they are everywhere. But a lot of times you’ll have grandma down the street that’s like, why isn’t your kid walking yet? And you’re like, grandma, there are six months. They shouldn’t be walking. But if you don’t have that information.
If you don’t have that information, you know, in your back pocket, then you’re like, crap, maybe they are behind. But if you are empowered, can go, well, you know, grandma, it’s actually not until 12 months that we’re looking for that 16 months is actually still typical. But another thing that you touched on is COVID. And I think that’s a very COVID was very tough for a lot of families and they got put into these containers. Containers are like things, cause we’re all trying to survive. Right? I know my wife was on zoom calls at home or my six month old at a time was in the, many of our work calls because you’re just trying to survive. You’re trying to do all these things. But what it taught us is lack of mobility over prolonged period of time can cause some of these delays. it’s not containers aren’t bad.
But if they’re getting stuck in one position for a long period of time, then yeah, you may see some delays because your kid is supposed to interact with the world. They’re supposed to move and groove and do all these things and figure out how their body works. Yeah. My sister is a pediatric physical therapist and she got so mad when my mother-in-law bought us a little, my God, what was it? Like a little walker. Yeah. Like a jumper walker for him to be in. swear to God, my background’s in.
An EI, early intervention. I know not to have him in there all the time, but wouldn’t you know that my ex-husband had a babysitting one day and he spent like all of his waking hours in the walker. I think I lost my shishmich.
Yeah, my daughter had a jumper that like that’s was my husband’s favorite way to watch her. He would play video games and she would be jumping and she’d be so tired in the jumper. She’d be crying afterwards. She has knee problems now. Now I’m like, wait, I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not, I’m going to leave that. I’m going to put that over here. have hip issues too. I don’t know. I’m just going to put that over here for another time. She’s a dancer. She could do phenomenal splits now. Love that. Well, yeah.
Anyways, so there’s a lot of the guilt and shame around these developmental delays. I know that personally in my own life, my niece was born with a cleft palate and I’ve seen my sister go through the guilt right now because she’s like, my gosh, I was reading all the information and it’s around five to six weeks of gestational age. Like what was I doing during these five to six gestational weeks of age? So moms tend to tie themselves to their kids developmental delays as something that they did.
Well, yeah, we grew them. It’s our fault. Yeah. I’m joking. Yeah. How do you recommend that moms deal with this guilt and shame around developmental delays? Yeah. I mean, like I said, I have two little girls, a seven year old and a nine year old. And I think right when I became a mom, first of all, I have this picture of myself that my husband thinks is hilarious.
and I’m holding my oldest and they just put her in my arms and I had this look on my face like, my God, like, is this happening? Like, you’re gonna give me my own child? I have to take them home by myself? So with all that being said, I think no matter if no one else in the world was telling us that we’re, you know, doing a bad job or something like that, inherently, I know as parents, you just always have that guilt. Like, I could be doing more. I could be doing…
this but I think you have to understand that you know however things kind of are made in our body just the the good lord made them they are going to be all unique and beautiful and we just have to be that external force to help guide them through it so we can’t we can’t be in control you just kind of have to give up control at some point knowing that you can’t be there and do everything I remember when even when Heidi wouldn’t sleep and I’d be like okay if I put her down right at
10 o’clock, then she should nap until 12 o’clock and then she’ll wake up. then, so, I mean, I just went in my mind, in my mind going over and over again. And when I never could get it right. And then she never did nap. So I was like, she’s broken. She is just broken. I think we all feel that. I’m just going to say, Emily, we can relate to you. Yes. First kid didn’t sleep till he was freaking three. Yeah. And you’re like, what am I doing wrong?
What am I doing wrong? there something? Mine was the same. I was like, he’s broke. It’s fine. Can I give him back? No. have to keep them? No. Now the kid can sleep through a freight train, but still. I love that. We’ll see. know, and so you just have to really give up and surrender and be like, all right, you know, today, whatever’s going to happen is going to happen. And what I can do as a parent is lead them in the best way and give them the best opportunities to be the most healthy and successful. I mean, and it may not work. Usually about 100 times during the day, it’s not gonna work. I also think surrounding yourself, I know for me, this was a big thing, was surrounding myself with other women, having a community, and to where basically I could just talk about how my kid didn’t sleep and be like, this sucks. And they’d be like, it does suck. I’m like, cool.
And it made me feel better that I wasn’t alone on this island of being a new parent. And I think lastly, I know maybe for some of the parents that have older kiddos and now me having a third grader and a second grader, I thought that once all these milestones like were done around like 18 months to two years and they start walking and everything, I’m like, I’m gonna feel so much better. No, no. You kind of are constantly.
in this state of feeling like guilty or you can do more, but I think the same thing runs true as it did in those first like two years of life is having a community that is on your side, surrendering control and trying your best just to give them the best opportunities to be healthy and happy. So Matt.
I’m really interested because we, we as women, we tend to have all of this guilt and shame around us. It’s baked into our culture. It’s baked into almost like how we’re supposed to function in society that like we are the caregivers. Like it, no matter like what we do by default. Yeah. We feel all this. So I want to know like from a dad’s perspective, when you see your child have a developmental delay, what are some thoughts that go through your head? Do you experience guilt and shame the same way?
Yeah, I would say I compared a lot from one kid to the next. So they weren’t delayed, in like the textbook sense, but, I was kind of judging how they were doing based off of how the previous ones were. So when the second one was a little bit later, I was like, well, and I think a little bit to being a clinician and like specializing in this, like having, I’m like, what they should be doing all these things. I should be looking for it.
So if I try and put that kind of hat aside, I think, and I can’t speak for all dads, but I do think a lot of dads that are really invested in their kids and their family, they will feel a little bit of like shame. I think one thing to remember is there was actually a study that came out that said of a child with delays, 70 % of parents feel like that’s a direct reflection on their parenting ability.
So it’s not anything that the child did. It’s they’re putting all of that on them. And that wasn’t moms or dads. That was just in general. You feel this shame of like, well, I’m doing something wrong and I want my kid to do this. Now, you know, as a guy, I’ll probably lean more towards like want my kids to do really good at sports. And like, if one of them doesn’t want to do sports, like that’s okay. I have to be okay with that. They may not be the track athlete or I’m going to really try and make them golfers.
But I have two, so I have two girls and I have one boy and one girl, girl, boy. so I’m going to put golf clubs in their hands, but yeah, think if they don’t have you’ve already got it planned out. Yeah. Yeah. And that just goes to show none of them are going to do golf, yeah, it never goes.
Yeah, always how it happens. Well, I want to get your guys’ specific advice on the parent is seeing that their child is behind on a specific gross motor skill, like what you recommend them doing. And we’re going to tackle that right after this. So we want to know like what to do in a specific scenario. So say parent listening right now, they feel like their kids should be walking and they’re not, they’re not hitting that gross motor milestone.
What do you recommend they do? Yeah, so the cool thing about walking is there is a wide range of when a child can achieve that and it could happen as early as 10 months and it could happen as late as 16, 17 months. I would say in the specific case of walking, if a child isn’t walking independently,
meaning they’re able to, you know, stand up on their own and take five to six steps by 18 months, then that’s when you need to be concerned. So that’s a hard and fast rule. And that’s when most pediatricians will be like, okay, we need to refer out and see if something is going on. With that being said, if your child is pulling up to stand and they’re cruising around and you just can’t get them to take those independent steps,
That’s where a lot of parents start to get concerned. But here’s a couple like little hard and fast rules for you that I’ve kind of put into my practice and or on Instagram to kind of educate parents to not freak out and what can we can do to kind of help them over that hump. So one thing would be is if your child starts pulling to stand, let’s say nine, 10 months and you’re at 15 months.
And they’re still not trying to take independent steps. So they’ve been, you know, cruising around furniture for over five months. That would be a red flag to when I say red flag, that’s just like alert alert, you know, to talk to your pediatrician and be like something could be going on. Okay, if they start pulling to stand and you know, it’s less than three months, just give them time to acclimate to being upright and vertical. I would say
There’s a beautiful grace period that from like, let’s say 15 months to 24 months, that there are no real gross motor skills that happen. None. It’s a catch up time. So don’t freak out if your child is on the latter end, which my Heidi didn’t start walking until like 15 months. Hannah was walking at 11 months. And look at it this way. They have additional time to crawl.
So they’re going to have like the best fine motor skills of all the kids in elementary school. But I was going to say in terms of that, that what you’re talking about, how there’s a lot going on and there’s that catch up period. I feel like I read somewhere that if they’re having a language explosion that that can cause, okay, yeah, you’re nodding your head. Yes. So that can cause them to have a delay in the gross motor because it takes so much concentration and focus. Yeah. And I mean,
You’re going to see that when you have jumps in one skill, you may have a pullback of others. And if you have, say you have some big jumps gross motor, you’re going to have some, I’m going to say cognitive drawbacks. And that may be even like their brain can’t calm down enough. And you see that come a lot of times in sleep. They won’t be sleeping for several weeks. It’s very disruptive patterns. And so a lot is going on in their little brain when that’s happening. I think the last thing.
when it comes to walking is there are things that you can implement that may be exactly what you need to get them independent and taking steps. I talk a lot about shoes on my Instagram and in different you know news magazines that I’ve been in because I think shoes there’s it’s always very controversial but you know barefoot is best yes.
Totally get that. But if your kid has, again, we’re getting to that latter end of not walking and they’re at 16 to 18 months, the greatest predictor of a child walking is if they have stability in their ankle. So let’s put on a shoe. And I like to get a little bit more of a sturdy shoe. I like a lot of the Stride Rites or Walmart has some great ones. They’re Wonder Nation. Give them a little bit of a sole, Velcro closure some traction on there. I promise you, that 99 % of the time, if the kid’s not walking and they’re neurotypical, it’s because something’s going on at their ankle. So put a shoe on them. And that’s not going to change their development of their feet. You know, their feet are cartilage until about three. So really putting them in a shoe is not going to affect anything going on. It’s just going to help those little ankles be more stable. So you have a couple of little things that
you can work with when it comes to walking and not freaking out and having some steps to take. That’s so interesting about shoes because like we didn’t buy shoes for either of our kids. and now my kids are 15 years old and 11 years old, but I was doing that more of like their feet are growing so fast. I can’t even can’t keep up. But
I’ve never heard that before about the ankles. So that’s a mic drop moment there, Emily, for everyone who’s having kids are having trouble. It is the shoes. there any sort of like other purposeful play that you could do for a kid who’s having trouble walking? yeah. OK. This is like my wheelhouse. I like love this kind of thing. So there’s so many things. So say your kiddo. I get this by parents say saying this all the time. They will only walk while holding my hand. They just won’t let go. So instead of letting them hold your hand.
Grab a toy, grab a snack cup, grab a little towel, grab a balloon, whatever, and let them hold onto that instead of holding onto your hand. What that’s gonna do, it’s gonna take some of the dependence away from the kiddo on the parent and give them more confidence to walk independently. And that could be just really something, even like a hanger or a broomstick.
but just take yourself out of the situation. Another thing I like to do is set up the environment to kind of promote independence and steps. So instead of all your furniture being so far apart, maybe for like a week or two, get that coffee table, maybe only two feet from the couch. Put a kitchen chair at the end of the couch to where we’re just getting movement and rotation and twisting.
And again, they’re exploring and that exploration that they do on their own is really ultimately going to build independence. And then lastly, just focusing on getting them out in the middle of the floor. So I’ll have them stand over my legs.
and have them maybe holding onto a mirror, maybe back up, back up, back up, and just give them a chance to be away from furniture, holding onto an object with both hands. That’s the big one because when their mind is monopolized with objects, they’re going to forget about how scared they are. So objects in their hands, switching out your hand, and then setting up the environment for success. That’s awesome. I remember you mentioned that.
one tip about like having kids like turn and rotate and go to a table to like couch. I remember the exact moment my daughter started walking and it was one of those movements. It was like she was on the couch and then she just turned and walked to the table right there and I’m like, my gosh. know you’re like, that’s what Emily is so good at doing that. I mean, that’s why I reached out to her that long however long ago. She’s always been so like creative with thinking outside the box and like the stuff that she has on her Instagram. It’s like a diaper box. Like you don’t have to go and buy all of these fancy things. You have all these things at your house. It’s just using them in a creative way and now knowing more about it like purposeful play around forcing anything. You’re just setting an environment for success and then you’re letting your child do what they’re supposed to do. absolutely. Well, I have learned so much about gross motor skills during this interview as well as how to help kids along. What is something that you’re all looking forward to that’s coming up for you?
We have some, we have a big year coming up next year. We have, we’re kind of redefining some of our educational platforms. So our connective university, we’re kind of going through a transitional change and that’ll be coming out real soon. That’s our online education for chiropractors, PTs, OTs, to just do things that we do. We have a, we gain a really good understanding of the typical development so that we can see signs of when things are atypical.
And then we dive further into that of when they are atypical, what can you do about it? So that’s for the clinicians, for parents, if you’re listening at home, we have our master classes, in our connective community. That’s all, all the purposeful play tips from everything from rolling to walking and crawling and all the fun stuff. And then obviously our clinic is down in South Lake, Texas. You want to come see us? Come on down. Our mission is, like I said, change the way the world treats their kids. And we do that through, you know, leading by example, and then also empowering moms out there. So.
All this at our website, connectivekids.com. And then you can go to our socials. Connective underscore kids. Thank you guys so much for joining us and we will talk to you soon. Thank you. Well, talking with Emily and Matt, I’m a little bit happy that that developmental stage has passed because I remember how stressful it was just worrying about your kids, every little thing they did.
when they were little, especially because they couldn’t communicate with you on what was actually going on. So that brought back some memories there for me. What about you? Well, OK, like it brought back my first life of early intervention. I mean, you’re not kidding. It is hard. 90 % of your child’s brain developed by H5.
Think about it. Your baby goes from like, Emily talked about the moment that they placed her firstborn in her arms and she’s like, my God, I’m actually supposed to go home with this thing. Like I’m supposed to, you’re trusting me with this. And I think it’s a good point. That baby firstborn can’t keep its eyes open, can’t like focus, doesn’t know how to control any body movements. Sounds are still learning how to like make vocal sounds. Within five years, they are reciting stories. They are walking, running, skipping, jumping, like all of these things. So if you think about how much they learn, it is a lot to keep up on. You are right. It’s a lot of stress of like, did they meet this checklist? Did they meet that checklist? And like she said, in order to make it as simple as possible, checklists have…
Basic timelines on when things happen. Yeah, like she said your kid could be starting to walk at 16 months and they’re on the late end of age appropriate Yeah, where they’re still age-appropriate like the whole grandma story. I was like cool it grandma. Cool your jet You were ready to fight grandma on that story. It was so funny. I was ready to step in and be like listen So yeah, definitely check them out. Yeah check them out
And thank you guys for listening to the no goat mom podcast. If we can ask you for a favor, can you share this episode with a friend? Maybe a friend who has a little one who is stressing out right now about every little thing just to give them a little comfort and a little knowing that they are not alone. Share this episode and remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you and we’ll talk to you later.
Thanks for stopping by.
Brie Tucker
COO/ Podcast Producer at No Guilt Mom
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