Podcast Episode 354: Your House is Not a Democracy: Finding the Sweet Spot Between Collaboration and Boundaries (Part 2) Transcripts

Please note: Transcripts for the No Guilt Mom Podcast were created using AI. As a result, there may be some minor errors.

So there were plenty of times in the morning where I was yelling, get your crappy get in the car. We’re late. Hurry up. Why do we have this every day? This happened a lot and my kids were in the backseat feeling like crap. I’m in the front seat pissed off that we’re late and feeling like crap because I yelled at my kids.

Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast. I’m your host JoAnn Crohn, joined here by Brie Tucker, who is making a face I’ve never seen her make on a podcast episode before.

That was my scared face.

Do you guys remember the meme of like the groundhog? I think it’s a groundhog that comes up and it goes dun, dun, dun. And the groundhog’s like, Like that’s what I was. I think we’re gonna have to have a clip of this at some point on social media for you guys.

Your face is like… dah, dah, daaaaaaah!

JoAnn (00:50.144)

Yeah, well today we’re talking about boundaries without the bloodshed. So maybe you’re just scared of the bloodshed.

We are, yes, that’s what it was. Anyway, but we are following up from our last episode.

Yeah, this is part two of how you can keep these boundaries that you’re setting and especially how you can keep using this collaborative approach that we talked about in part one. So if you haven’t listened to it already, go and listen to part one. It’s last week’s episode. We’ll put a link for you down in the show notes. It’ll really give you a whole like big worldview of what we’re talking about here. So we gave you the big worldview. So now we’re centering in on one of the hardest parts of it, which is

keeping your boundaries and knowing what you want in this situation so that you’re able to actually collaborate with your kids so you’re still happy.

Right, because if you’re trying to go against every fiber of your being, it’s gonna be a little hard. It’s gonna be a little hard.

JoAnn (01:47.246)

It’s gonna be a little hard. And like, we’ve all failed at our boundaries. yeah. I failed at my boundaries where I’m like realizing I am stomping around the house mad and that is usually an indication to me that a boundary has been breached. And I have to step in to figure out what that was.

I could just see like flashing lights going off alarms in the house. A boundary has been breached. It has been breached.

my gosh. It’s so funny though how you react to boundaries being breached because in the morning if you breach one of my boundaries, I’m probably okay. I have the patience to deal with it. If it’s at nighttime when I’m ready to go to bed, I will be so mad and sassy. I do not have the wherewithal at night at all to deal with that.

Yeah, I’m not great first thing in the morning, nor am I great at the end of the night. You gotta catch me in the sweet spot in the middle of the day.

You’re like, I’m just waking up. need coffee.

Brie (02:46.094)

Yeah. Yeah. Leave me alone for a good hour. You ask me, actually, you know what? I think my kids know that because the two times you’re going to get me, you got a 50-50 shot at a no fights agreement. So like a doormat of my boundaries or a, because I said, so leave me alone. So, I mean, I think they try it sometimes early in the morning, sometimes late at night because they know they’ve got a 50-50 shot, man.

Mm-hmm.

JoAnn (03:12.778)

my gosh, when my daughter or my son asks me stuff at night and they’re like, Mom, can I get this? I’m like, you really want to ask me right now? Because the answer is going to be no. Be like, okay, I’ll ask you tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, that’s not a bad way. Not a bad way to handle that.

Yeah. So in this episode, we’re going to give you actual things that you can say to help you hold your boundaries in a way that like it’ll feel good to you. Or I want to kind of restructure that maybe it won’t feel good, but it won’t feel horrible if you’re not used to setting your boundaries. So that’s what we have in store for you. Let’s get on with the show. You want mom life to be easier.

Our goal too. Our mission is to raise more self-sufficient and independent kids. We’re going to have fun doing it. We’re going to help you delegate and step back. Each episode, we’ll tackle strategies for positive discipline, making our kids more responsible and making our lives better in the process. Welcome to the No Guilt Mom podcast.

And…

JoAnn (04:27.446)

In part one of this episode, we were talking about authoritarian versus authoritative parenting. Yes. And the authoritative is really what we want to hit. It is that combination of boundaries and structure and love. It is that come together plan that we talked about in part one.

Over me. Sorry. Okay. There we go. I’ve got it in my system for the moment.

Yeah

JoAnn (04:50.814)

One way to really explain authoritative versus authoritarian is that authoritative parenting is being that teacher that your kid likes and that gets really good results out of your kid versus the teacher that your kid absolutely despises, does not want to be in their class and is like constantly on the kids about everything they did wrong. And honestly, they’re probably not getting the best results from the kids that way anyways, because authoritarian parenting…

tends to lead to lot of sneaking around and, see if you can catch me kind of behavior.

Yeah, because they’re looking to avoid any conflicts with you because there are no conversations. It’s always, this is my way.

Yeah, I agree. mean, when I had authoritarian things from my parents come down, I would look for the way I could get around it. Yeah. And I’m still that way as an adult. I mean, my parents don’t try that anymore, of course, with me, but obviously because I’m an adult.

And once you had your own kids, they could finally let you live your own life.

JoAnn (05:55.266)

Yeah, it was before. Well, mean, anything and I don’t know if you react this way too, Bri, or if you listening react this way, but anytime I’m told to do something, my immediate reaction was like, make me. I mean, just last night I was texting between you and Shayna on Instagram and Instagram pops up. It is 10, 15 at night. You might want to reconsider when you send this message.

And I was like, I screenshot it. go look at your Instagram, Bre. It’s there. Because I screenshot it, I circled it, and I’m like, you can’t tell me what to do, patriarchy!

Brie (06:29.358)

That is interesting. Yeah, no, I don’t have that same response, but I mean, I definitely do like, I don’t know. I do sometimes, I’m guessing, but I probably do it in a different way. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

the times with authoritative and with what we’re going to suggest to you, it’s really not what you say. It’s how you say it. Truth. Because you can get people and you could say things so like they basically the same message, but they’re received in two totally different ways. So let’s talk about some magic phrases, Bri, that we use and that other people have used too.

One of those magic phrases is the in our family framework, which I myself don’t use, but you use sometimes.

Yeah. So like we were talking about that and we were like, all right, do we leave this in? Do we leave that out? Do we talk about it? And so I don’t always use the in our family. The only time I could, yeah, no, maybe I do like a couple of things that I can remember in my house, cause we don’t have a ton of rules. I’m definitely somebody that believes in like five or less rules. Everything outside of that is definitely, you know, a conversation. But one is that we don’t

we don’t slam doors in our house. So that’s about the only time I’ll say it like that way, like in our house. I don’t tend to say in our family.

JoAnn (08:01.248)

I we should describe what in our family framework is because I didn’t do that. Okay, let’s do Like examples of it. So like examples of it is like in our family, we speak respectfully even when we’re angry. Look at, I’m taking the mommy voice that Kirk got out of me. I don’t know if the Kirk episode is aired yet. It’s Kirk of Calm Parenting.

Actually his episode already aired. Okay.

So for example, in our family we speak respectfully even when we’re angry or in our family we take care of things. That’s the mommy voice actually that Kurt called me on in episode 352.

I that, I was like, excuse me, what exactly is a mommy voice?

Yeah, that’s the mommy voice. I like, I don’t use that voice by the way, but I say that when I’m saying in our family, because you could tell I don’t respect the in our family framework at all. And I was talking to Bri about this because we both agree that there’s a certain amount of shame that comes with using the in our family framework.

Brie (09:00.706)

does. So I, if somebody was saying that to me, I think I would take it as they’re trying to shame me and like as a member of the group, they’re trying to point out that I am not living up to the standards of the group and without even attempting to understand why I’m reacting the way I am.

Exactly, exactly.

the most I’ll say is it, and I could, I’m trying to think like, and when the example I gave earlier was like, we don’t slam doors in our house. My kids almost never slam doors. Cause that was always a thing with me. hate door slamming. Not only for the property issue of it, but like also just because it startles me and I don’t like it. So like if my kids were to do that, I would go up individually to them. I would open the door and I would say we don’t slam doors in this house.

and then I would close it gently and walk away. Like that’s the most I would do with that because again, like I don’t wanna shame them. They’re already pissed. Nothing I’m gonna say is make them feel any better but I’m just gonna remind them that you can be mad in your room but don’t be slamming stuff around. to.

also want to point out though that you’ve had so many discussions with them about the slamming door.

Brie (10:17.383)

yeah, yeah, yeah, my kids are in their teens, so trust me, these conversations have been plenty.

They know it pisses you off. And when you go in and you’re like, we don’t slam doors in this house. They’re like, mom’s pissed off. I did something. But you’re not yelling at them. You’re not shaving them. It’s like your way to show this is not cool.

Yeah, this is not okay. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. The other way you could say it is the I understand and technique. This is great for kids. use this a lot because as we said before with the R in our family, the thing that really gets it wrong is that you’re trying to basically shame the person without understanding their point of view. Yeah. When you use I understand and you are validating their point of view.

and you are also setting this boundary. And a way that you could set this is like, understand that you want to eat candy for breakfast. And I know that’s probably going to cause you a sugar crash later on and you’re going to be hungry. So you need to eat some protein with your breakfast if you don’t want that to happen. Right.

Brie (11:21.122)

So that is, okay, I’m really glad you did that because I wanted to articulate that you don’t, if you just say, especially to a teenager, okay guys? Because again, like that is the world we are living in right now between Joanne and I. If you were to say to your teen who was upset, I understand and I still don’t think that that’s something that you should go and do. They would go, you don’t understand it at all. If you did, you’d say yes.

So make sure you get that reflective piece in there. Okay, and I know that was a little mocky and I’m sorry to my children for if I offended you with that. Hopefully they would see the humor in it that I was going for. But yeah, like you definitely need to give them that piece of reflection back so that way if you happen to not be understanding it, they could say why. Like I, who knows? would, but no, you know, I said I want candy because I don’t like oatmeal. Okay, well, would you like cereal instead? Uh-huh, okay.

Great! We’re in agreement! That’s a great compromise! Yeah!

Yeah, that’s way better than a bag of gummy bears. Let’s go!

Yes. Well, we have a few other things that you can say to your kids, including one of our balance members’ favorite phrases right after this. So the next thing you could do to hold a boundary is not something you could say so much as something that you can think about before you set the boundary, before you, I want to say fight back against the boundary, but it’s not really fighting back. It’s more like

JoAnn (12:53.45)

Is this boundary worth it? It’s the what can you control redirection and it’s shifting your focus from is this really a non-negotiable to is this negotiable?

Yes, very much so. I, and I’m, I’m laughing at one of the examples we have written down. So I’m just going to throw it out there guys. For instance, if your child was to come to you and say, mama, we get a tigger? I want a tigger. I want my own tiger. No, honey, you can’t have a pet tiger, but what kind of could we possibly have in our house?

and then they’re go back with a polar bear and a Galapagos Island turtle, like, you know, whatever. But.

Yeah. It’s like, can you do? it like, this goes for bigger purchases too, when your kids get older. Like, mom, can we get a, my gosh, what did my son want? he wanted an electric bike. Like one that went 30 miles per hour down the street.

yeah, that seems brilliant right now. No, no, no, not where we live. Not where we live.

JoAnn (13:59.502)

So we like, I’m like, okay, so like an electric bike, I’m not exactly down with that. I’m feeling like you might get in an accident or something like that. What other thing do you think maybe you can save up for? Because that’s another thing. Like it’s pushing the control from you onto the kids. And that is something that I love to do in parenting so much. I hate to be the no monster because honestly, my nose,

Like they would grill me incessantly about my nose. And so it’s always good to put it back onto them and to say like, mom, could I buy this dress? I’m like, sure. Like, do you have enough money in your allowance? Like, how can you earn that dress?

Gosh, then the next statement I would hear from my child being a teen now would be like, well, I was kind of hoping you would fund it. No, I’m funding the home, the food, the internet, the lights. I think my funding plate’s full right now, but what do you got on yours?

No. That’s why I would go with a no.

JoAnn (15:04.462)

It’s the what can you control kind of thing. So see like what you can work with your child on in that respect, where a boundary doesn’t have to be a no. It could be like, okay, let’s shift this responsibility onto your plate instead of mine.

Now, what do you say to people that say that that’s being manipulative and that you’re being controlling because you’re just making them think that they have choices when they don’t?

Well, you can’t do it if they don’t actually have a choice. mean, like, if there is no choice for them in the situation, then you can’t use this technique. If you’re not okay with them getting the thing that they want to get or doing the thing that you want them to do, then it’s not a what can you control situation. It is a no, I’m not okay with that situation.

Yeah, this goes back to that boundary. So like you have to ask yourself this, like if they’re asking for something and it’s a hard no, a hard pass, like yes, a tiger would be a hard pass, but maybe you’re open to other animals again. So then that can be a discussion. But if it’s a hard pass for anything, then that’s where it’s like, it’s a no boundary. So yeah, just reminding you.

Right now my kids want a cat and I am not ready to accept responsibility of a cat because of two factors. One, I’m really enjoying not having litter all over the house. It’s really nice. And two, I’m really afraid my dog will do something to the cat. Like she hasn’t done anything to our other, when we had a cat before, she was great with him.

Brie (16:23.318)

Yes!

Brie (16:41.602)

This is a new one. The cat was there. Yeah, yeah. have those same worries with mine and yeah, yeah. So right now it’s a, it’s a hard boundary, but man, get hit with that every day.

When she kicks.

JoAnn (16:52.814)

I know every day, like how many times does a cat discussion come up? Like how many times can they bring that up?

think we need to do a whole episode about like pets and how to handle that.

So this brings us to one of our Balanced members’ favorite things to use when setting boundaries. It’s a good one. I use it all the time too. It is.

And I had every time we run into an issue with kids not listening and not doing things, like for instance, not doing their chores, not doing their homework, not doing X, Y, Z, not getting ready for school and time. This lovely trick comes out and everybody that does it has said, like, it helps immensely.

It helps immensely because it’s the when then. a when then, it’s not a punishment. It’s saying stuff like, when you put away the dishes, then we can go get ice cream. I always say ice cream. Ice cream is my favorite thing in the world. But that’s always the example that comes out. Or when you unload the dishwasher, then I will take you to school. That works with my kids because they do not want to be late for school. You have to use something. It’s not a punishment.

JoAnn (18:09.088)

It’s not a consequence. When then is simply the order that you will do things in. It is setting a time boundary on when whatever needs to be done is done.

Yes. And so another thing to want to kind of like point out is that when then is different than if then, especially because sometimes the if is out of the kids control. So and also when you say to your child, like, here’s an example, like you, man, the dishwasher is my go-to as well. Let’s see. I know. Because I do this one a lot with my teens. So when you do your chores,

then you can da da da da. So like normally it comes to me with a request, like, hey, I wanna go out with my friends tonight. Okay, when you do your chores, you can go out with your friends tonight. And that normally also is tied to a day of the week they haven’t had their chores done by Friday. But if I say like, if you do your chores, then you can go out. That’s like having this like lack of confidence that your child is gonna do their end of the bargain. And I can tell you from having teens, they pick up on that sent back.

and they attack. They attack!

They recognize weakness.

Brie (19:22.828)

Yeah, they’re like, what, you don’t think I’ll do my stuff? I know what I’m supposed to do.

Don’t you trust me, mom? Don’t you trust-

Right? Of course I was going to do my chores before I went out. know the roles. really? Sounded like a moment ago, you had your keys in hand and your purse on your shoulder as you were letting me know, asking for permission on the way out.

Yeah. Yeah, they definitely know how to work that.

Yeah, but I mean it works really well like you’ve got a kid that like loves to play this I did this for my son He loved to play Minecraft in the mornings, but he was always late Always late getting ready. So the answer was like if you do all of your your morning Getting ready for school brushing your teeth eating your breakfast making up your bed getting dressed you get all that done You can play as much minecraft as you need to before we have to leave the house If there did I?

JoAnn (20:16.44)

You used an-

Okay, sorry. It’d be a win. I’m sure I said win back then. But anyways, like when you do all that stuff in the morning then, and it worked so well for like, God, I think all of elementary school, like as soon as he did start playing Minecraft, which was like, you know, first, second grade or whatever, that was like a godsend. He knew it was there and he knew he could do it. And I had no problems.

Yeah, it works so well. And the trick to this is knowing what motivates your kids, knowing what your kids want, and then setting the time structure to get it. Because it’s actually a really great life skill. Like, there are things that you have to do as an adult, there are things that you have to do as a kid that need to get done, but you don’t want to do it. For example, filling out all the paperwork that doctor’s offices make you fill out for every

child. I never want to do that. And yet I have to, they give when thens to me. When the paperwork is filled out, then you’re able to come into your appointment. Exactly.

JoAnn (21:22.068)

So when then is just it exists everywhere in society and yeah, it works. Another thing that works is humor. And I find like humor with teenagers, I can’t get it right guys. It’s like every attempt at humor, they will tell me how cringy I am or something. But I don’t know.

I’ve heard your kids laugh at you quite a bit, so I think you got They don’t like to admit it, but I’ve heard your kids laugh pretty hard, so you got it.

I guess I just can’t think of it.

JoAnn (21:54.114)

They give me little smirks. I’m a sarcastic, humorous person. I just can’t think of any right now. I can think of a lot that I did when they were younger. Like I would use like funny voices or like I’d be like, let’s go and wash the dishwasher and let’s talk to each other like this. I am.

I lean heavily into the physical comedy side of things. I’ll just start randomly dancing and being like, and they’ll be like, mom, stop. I’ll stop as soon as you. And they’re normally just like, whatever. And then I see them like laugh as they start to do something. So. Yes.

Yep.

JoAnn (22:30.294)

Yeah, the humor really works to set your boundaries and stuff. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Exactly. I say that to myself too. Don’t take yourself so seriously. And it works. coming up next, we are going to teach you how to recover and repair if perhaps your dictator comes out with these boundaries. So that’s coming right after this. So Brie, I know you get triggered. I get triggered.

you throw that up first, I know you get triggered. Yes, because Bree has, I have no poker face. You know my emotions right away, right?

That’s me too. I mean, that’s also, my husband says it’s one of the great things about our relationship is because I wear everything on my face, all my emotions, because if I didn’t, like he doesn’t think our relationship would survive because he’s horrible at reading people’s emotions, but not mine.

because my husband says the same thing. He’s like, I’ve never had such a good relationship with someone because I always know exactly how you feel. I’m like, okay, good to know it’s appreciated.

Exactly. So it’s good to know when you’re setting boundaries and you’re parenting, like what your triggers are, what can exacerbate the triggers. One of my huge triggers is when my kids are sick. Like if they’re sick, if they’re like having a stomach ache, if they have a headache, like if they’re sick for a while and I don’t know the cause, I will be completely on edge about everything and I will go into like

JoAnn (24:05.102)

crazy mama bear moments because I’m just worried and I’m scared. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I think that that is huge. Like for me, this is funny. My triggers are pretty much your common Holt triggers. Like if I am hungry, if I am mad about something else, like I am not good at compartmentalizing people. I’m just letting you know, I feel it and I feel it in every aspect of my life. If I am lonely, big one, tired. Matter of fact, if you get a hungry and tired Bri, I will be down to tears.

or raging screams, you never know. So my kids do know like if I’m in a bad mood, they will say like, are you hungry or tired? And I’m gonna be like, I’m hungry. So anyway.

It’s true, but it’s good to know these triggers because also give yourself some self-compassion for these triggers as well. You are human. You are allowed to mess up. You’re allowed to make mistakes. And whenever you do either yell at your kids or pull a dictator moment, which I’ve done many times, as soon as you calm down, you’re like, oh crap, I shouldn’t have done that. Oh yeah. And instead, don’t go into shame. Say, shame, stay away and leave me alone.

Even though it’s easier said than done, I know.

Brie (25:28.226)

Yeah. Yeah, it’s, it’s crazy.

It gives you an opportunity though to apologize. Yes. And it is great to apologize. I actually love when I get the chance to apologize on some extent, you know, at the other stand I’m like, damn it. But at the other, but on the other hand, I’m like, okay, this is a really great way to show my kids how to apologize to people because they will need this skill in the future.

Again, it comes back to, feel like that is a bit of something that is hard to teach our kids these days is that you can be accountable, you can make mistakes. Doesn’t mean that you’re weak. Doesn’t mean that you failed. It just means that, okay, I’m gonna try again better. Because like you said, nobody can be perfect. And I think that in this day and age, social media, television,

the people that we have in our world that have platforms, there is this like image of perfection. And we know that that’s not true. Nobody is perfect. And there’s nothing more frustrating and irritating, I think, to me. That’s a trigger for me is when somebody won’t acknowledge their piece. That is a triggering moment.

I’m like, I’m like thinking about a time I’ve had that conversation where like my kid took like no responsibility for something and then I’m like, can we just take a step back and go? Do you think you had a hand at this? Nope, I don’t think so. I’m like, really? This is all me? so.

JoAnn (27:03.092)

Nope, don’t think I did.

Usually, when I do this with my kids, at first, I had to coax them. I’ll be like, okay, let’s talk about our contributions because that is how I teach to apologize. Let’s back up a little bit. Let’s go through the apology process. Okay. The first part is first acknowledge that something went wrong. Be like, look, I yelled at you there. I lost my cool. Yeah. The second part is express genuine regret. Not just like, I’m sorry.

This is a huge one, right? Like I would never have thought to add this in to state, but it’s so true. yeah, that wasn’t, it wasn’t helpful when I yelled in it. And it wasn’t how I would like to be spoken to myself.

JoAnn (27:52.43)

Yeah, and I am sorry. I’m really sorry. And then explain the reason. Now, the reason is not an excuse. The reason is just to share your line of thinking with the other person because the way I think of it is you have to show people how to love you and people need to know what your triggers are. Those who care about you will try to avoid your triggers. Those who don’t care about you will try to push your triggers and so you know right away that those people need to be pushed away out of your life of or like set very strong walls against.

Cut so they can go in their own direction.

think it can float away. Like, explain your reasoning for it. For example, like, if I lost it with my daughter and I was like, no, gosh, I can’t even think of the last time. It’s in a good space right now. Go for it.

That one actually, so my kids, they went to the same school and I worked at the district office that was, they shared a parking lot, like same area. So if we were late leaving the house, if any one of us made us late, then I was late to work and they were late to school. And that upset all of us. So there were plenty of times in the morning where I was yelling, yelling, get your crap in, get in the car, we’re late, hurry up, move your, what?

Brie (29:11.658)

not my stellar parenting moment. I’m just going to explain that. And this happened a lot. I don’t know how often now, because we’re talking like five years ago almost, but it happened a lot. And almost all the time, like we’d get in the car, everybody would be quiet because more than likely my kids were in the backseat feeling like crap because I yelled at them. I’m in the front seat, pissed off that we’re late and feeling like crap because I yelled at my kids and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t want them to have their whole day thinking I’m mad at them. So after I’ve had a minute or two to calm down, I would always say to them,

Like, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled. That didn’t get you down here any faster. I was just frustrated that we were late and, you know, I shouldn’t have yelled. It’s like letting the kids know why I’m upset or I was just really upset because I have a meeting today and I’m really nervous about that meeting. And so I’m on edge, I apologize. Yeah.

And that’s not using it as an excuse. It’s just explaining why you reacted the way you were. And like that acceptance also, I think shows kids that, you know, it’s okay if they lose their cool too, just come back and apologize for it. Because the last part of the apology process is to say what you’re going to do differently, how you’re going to try differently. And that…

is so much, I feel like powerful than an apology because you’re like, you know, I’ve really thought about this. for instance, I was really hungry and I know that I need to have a snack before we make dinner because it takes too long to make dinner. And I’m going to try that to keep control of my emotions.

Yeah, the other thing that I love about that is it does show your kids the importance of reflection. Because especially when they’re little, actually, you know what, I think at all points, like there’s different reasons for each age group where they don’t understand about being introspective.

JoAnn (31:01.218)

Yes, I was about to say that word.

Yeah, so like for teens, it’s because they’re very self-centered and that’s a developmental phase that they are in at that age. It’s totally appropriate. There are just ways to deal with that. And then when they’re younger, they just don’t have the skills yet. So like it’s all about teaching. When you say what your trigger was and what you plan to do differently, that gives them the permission to be thinking about it next time they’re having a meltdown.

Exactly. Because there are no perfect people in the world. You don’t need to look for perfect people, but what you do need to look for is introspective people. Those are the people that you can have really great relationships with. And when you apologize to your kids in this way, you are raising them to be introspective people because you’re letting them into your inner world. And so they are noticing that they can let people into their inner world as well. Yeah. So just as a recap, the apology process, acknowledge what’s wrong, like express

Genuine regret, explain, it’s not an excuse, just explain what happened and then say what you’re gonna do to try to fix the situation in the future. Or what you’re gonna try. And it doesn’t have to work. Don’t put too much pressure on it to come up with the most perfect thing to work. You just have to think of the next good idea for handling whatever just happened.

Exactly. Because life is full of chances to do better next time. It really is.

JoAnn (32:21.166)

Yes. We hope you enjoyed this two-part series on our boundaries and how you could set some boundaries and also how you can apologize if you don’t keep your boundary at all. Just remember, we want to go through those key techniques we use with you, the understand and-

What can you control? What hill are you gonna die on guys? Come on. You can’t control everything.

Yep, Wedd n’ Ends, that’s our favorite from our Balance members.

joy of humor and how that can break things down, especially when you do a silly dance.

Yes, and then the perfect apology formula, how to do that. And all of this, like, you can find this in our balance framework. It is actually in our phase three, calm and happy parenting, and they all support that come together parenting technique, that collaborative approach. So this, like, I want to give them a challenge, Okay. Can we give them a challenge? Let’s go. Okay. I want you to try using the when then language instead of no, and then come tell us in the No Guilt Mom Facebook group how it went.

JoAnn (33:22.114)

Go use when then and tell us how it went. And that’s your challenge. So we have a link to the Facebook group right in the show notes. So make sure you go and join that. Yes. And then let us know how it goes. So until next time, remember the best mom is a happy mom. Take care of you. We’ll talk to you later.

Thanks for stopping by.